I just walked in on my BF asleep on his sofa with his ex

[Imaunicorndavid]

I don’t really know what to do or feel.
I’m 26, I have a 7 year old with my ex and I’ve been with my BF for 18 months. We don’t live together but we have the spare key for each others homes. He lives in a flat in central-ish London, I live a bit further out and he always tells me if I’ve been out for drinks after work I can just let myself into his. I called 2 times on my way and he didn’t answer so I assumed he was asleep/phone in another room etc. This isn’t the first time I’ve let myself in while he was sleeping and last time he was really happy that I did.
Anyway he lives with a couple, they have a small living room with a sofa but he mostly uses his room. I walked past the living room initially and realised his bed was empty and untouched so I slightly opened the living room door and there he was fast asleep, I could see there was someone else cuddled into him sleeping too, so I said his name and he sort of jumped up. When I put the light on I realised it was his ex. He was with her for 2 years but she doesn’t live in the UK.
He’s trying to tell me he just offered her his sofa while she’s visiting and they were chatting and must have fallen asleep. He claims he doesn’t remember putting his arm around her, her head was sort of resting in the nook of his arm/against his chest. He says she must have fell into him a little when she fell asleep. I then noticed her cases etc. were all in his room. He keeps saying surely if he was cheating they’d have just slept in his bed. It was only 9.30 so early to be asleep etc. It’s a large L shape sofa so no need for them to be sat right beside each other anyway.

I’ve left, he asked me not to go and to stay the night but I’m heartbroken and feel like he is cheating or was planning to.

None of my friends have answered the phone so I don’t know if I’m jumping to conclusions and his story is actually believable or if he is cheating.

What do I do? I’m devastated!

Just read your update OP.

what an utter nasty shock. Such unpleasant behaviour on their part. Thank goodness the house mate was honest, although what she said was brutal. I’m glad she had enough “girl code” about her to give you the heads up. She’s probably fed up of him being a greedy git.

Do take care of yourself. Make time for yourself to process what’s happened. Schedule some things that you enjoy doing soon.

Sorry this happening. ( Sadly) in my experience all the youngish Italians I have met all have some sort of grasp of the English language.

My guess is she has no respect for you, no reason to think of you in friendly terms, so could not be arsed to include you in any conversation.

that comes from your now former bf having his cake and eating it too.

he is an arse.

I wouldn't know.

Xenophobic then. Certainly hugely insulting, ill informed and ignorant

Meh, the African thing is true in lots of African countries. No idea about Italy.

Looks who's ignorant! A mirror might help.

I’m sorry but whether it’s innocent or not, you don’t have female friends stay over that used to be sexual partners without giving your new partner at least a heads up about it!!
He could’ve allowed her to stay at his and he stay at yours for the week if he was just being kind?
I would probably believe nothing was happening since they were fully clothed and downstairs - but I’d still leave the relationship as it’s not an honest one! Him pretending that having her stay over is even a kin to him having his male buddies stay over is ignorant and very gaslighty behaviour!

I'll try to make you feel better that you have stopped anymore time being wasted. I went through a similar thing, however I got gaslit into carrying on. 10 days after our wedding I found him secretly messaging/ calling/ videocalling the ex he had allegedly blocked now and allegedly hated for cheating on him. It was all in a foreign language that translates very badly. I ended up paying a professional translator. They were reminiscing and mourning all that what ifs whilst she went out of her way to try and sexualise the conversation repeatedly with him and insulted me with slurs and comments comparing the 2 of us. This b looked like the sloth from Iceage and yet was slinging mud at me, knowing we had just, just got married in a church with all our friends and family there. It hurts now but you don't deserve to go through not just what you've gone through, but what you are about to so I'm glad you are out. And that flat mate did not have loyalty to you, but she's done you a favour now to tell you to guillotine through any bonds or sweet feelings you have with that man and let it go. Because the whole thing was false. Sorry lovely xx

Well aren't you a charmer?

Why wouldn't a single parent deserve to be valued in a relationship?
She's a better prospect for a long term relationship than the man who got her pregnant and legged it.

Ignore the incel loser, he’s just trying to get a rise because he was rejected by his school crush 30 years ago.

Politely, wtf are you on about.

First of all, any man who judges me is not a man I’m interested in. Next on the agenda who said my sons dad ran for the hill and abandoned us, because he didn’t, we have 50/50 custody and he’s a fantastic dad, so time to stop writing your own version of my life which is based on what I can only assume are stereotypes.
And lastly someone as judgemental and frankly self absorbed as you is far less attractive than someone who had a child at 19, check yourself Prince Charming because you aren’t coming across very good right now.

Well said - please don’t let the misogynistic prick wind you up.

My friend had her son at 20 with her bf she’s been with since they were 14. When her DS was 2, her DS was killed in a car crash. Life isn’t black and white and anyone judging someone for circumstances they know nothing about needs to fuck off.

Btw despite growing up with a ‘single mother’ he’s now 34 and runs his own garage specialising in high end vehicles. And my friend the poor old ‘single mum’ is head of HR in a large insurance company.

See, these are actually not facts. These are your opinions. You have tried to dress it up like fact, simply by claiming they are facts. That's not how facts work.

That you can't understand the difference between fact and opinion makes you extremely unintelligent, but you won't even be able to comprehend your own hypocrisy because you obviously have the reflective ability of a gnat.

she had unprotected intercourse at 18/19. fact
she decided to keep the pregnancy while being single at 19. fact
she was 19 when she had the kid. fact

please point out where these are not facts.

Politely, WTF are you complaining about then? you are happy as a single mother at 26 and you just found out after 18 months that the next dude was not valuing you for what you wanted.

this relationship is over and you can now look for someone who values you for yourself. aligning expectations with reality is a good way to avoid disappointments down the road.

I wish you all the best.

ps. it was someone else (FishMouse) in this delusional thread that said the "dad legged it" and since you didn't correct that post I rightfully assumed it was indeed what happened... and frankly the most common case with unwanted pregnancies

Your other post, dummie. You know, the one where you made up a completely false narrative about her 'thug' ex 'running for the hills' and leaving her single and pregnant, and her deciding to keep the baby anyway and raise it all alone.

The OP has said herself that these daft fucking opinions of yours are total rubbish.

The only fact is that she is a parent. Her intelligence, character, health etc (the things that matters to most partners) is completely unknown to us all.

Give him the benefit of the doubt this one time is my advice IF you can get your head around it and move on and out it behind you. If you can't then better to end it because you will end up arguing call the time and break up regardless. If your relationship has been good for 18 months and there has never been a hint of him cheating then it's worth letting it go this one time if his explanation seems plausible and true to you. Good luck and I hope you both work it out together x

Okay just read the updates. I was wrong your instincts were correct. Walk away and don't look back. You have lost nothing here. This man isn't worthy of you or your child. Be thankful you have found out before committing to him further or your child building a relationship with him. He and his ex have a screwed up view of how to respect and treat partners (and themselves) and sound well suited .. they will clearly cheat and hurt each other. You dodged a bullet here lovely and a lot more heartache. Don't waste another tear or thought on him, he so doesn't deserve you or your child. Xxx