Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@occhiazzurri I think my 45 year old never married no DC Mr Radio is in the eternal bachelor category.

After a lovely first meet, I get the vibe he just wants sex. I must admit I'm not fully opposed, but not fully decided whether to go with it and have fun, mainly because I find him so attractive and it would be nice to feel the weight of him, if you get my drift.

I wish a relationship would just drop into my lap as OLD feels like too much hard work!

@oldernotwiserffs How was date #10? What did you do & any change in how you feel about him as a prospective boyfriend? I'm sorry to hear about the insecurities - what exactly is making you worry? It seemed from the last update that you and Mr Tradie were official / exclusive.

@Starseeking Definitely go for it! Nothing better than the weight of a hot man on you haha. Seriously though, OLD when you're looking for something longterm can grind you down, so try to have some fun along the way. I've got one, and now maybe 2, FWBs, despite setting out in search of something serious when I rejoined OLD a few months ago.

That's exactly how I feel @Crushed23. It's probably ingrained in me from young that having sex for fun was wrong (religion 🙄🙄🙄).

Have you stopped looking for a relationship now that you have your FWB's? Or are the FWB's doing enough that you no longer want a relationship? I think I read that one of yours is trying to push things in that direction?

@oldernotwiserffs have you been tempted to ask if he's willing to make it an official relationship?

@b0zza1 interesting, maybe I should give the latest guy another chance. I had a great time with him and he was a lovely genuine guy so maybe chemistry will grow? It wasn't that he was unattractive or anything, I thought he looked good. I did suggest we meet up again as friends so maybe I can get a date booked and see if anything grows from there.

Soz, jumping in again! I dated a guy a while ago who really wanted us to be on the same page, he finished it for other reasons and it was fine, he was doing me a favour! But I've thought a lot about the same page thing since. In subsequent relationships I've been brutally honest about what page I'm on and that seems to have worked fine. My current thinking is that it can be fine to be on different pages, and accepting of the other persons different page. Problematic when someone is in denial that there's different pages going on. It can even be ok if someone is hoping that you'll change your page, as long as they're realistic about where you're at currently... And someone always get hurts in relationships, I was hurt by Mr Doing Me a Favour, but there's healthy being hurt by rejection and something coming to and end and then there's messed up/ongoing being hurt.... the latter is to be avoided and not accepted.

@b0zza1 your approach does sound good. I actually can't find enough men who I want to go on dates with 😂

@Crushed23 we went to the theatre in the afternoon, then we went for dinner and he paid and then for drinks. I had a good time but I told my friend about it and she said it sounded like I'd been friend zoned which has made me worry. No opportunity for sex as we had travelled from our respective towns and we're both living at home atm (my mum has been away which has made things easier but she's back now. I can move back into my house at the end of the month). He offered for me to come back to his town so he could drive me home (a possible opportunity for car sex?) but there was no need as I had driven to the station. We only left the pub because it was closing and the date lasted nearly 10 hours. He walked me to the bit where I needed to get the tube and we had a little kissing session and told me to let him know when I got home but he's not overly flirty when we're out and about and that feeds into my anxieties although when he came round last weds he was very touchy and cuddly. I am confident that we are exclusive but whether or not he wants to pursue a relationship with me remains to be seen. Last night he thanked me for helping him to find a counsellor to support him with the difficulties he has caring for his dad (I didn't do anything, just sent him a link to a website) and said he wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for me and now I wonder if I will be with him for a short time and leave him in a better position than I found him as so often seems to happen in my experience! I think this is all a 'me' problem - my low self esteem and core beliefs that I am unlovable and unworthy were triggered by a family situation last week so I am really far too much in my head currently. At least I hope that's what's happening and that my thoughts aren't correct!

@justanotherboymum very tempted so that I can stop second guessing everything! But I think it would be sensible to wait til the 3 month mark so that it doesn't feel like I'm trying to rush him - he did tell me right at the beginning that he likes to take things slowly and I really don't so this is a test for me!

What sites is everyone using if you don't mind me asking?

@Applesandpears1806 I use bumble and hinge. Paid for match but it is the biggest waste of money ever

@Starseeking - I would say have fun but be well aware he is likely to disappear at some point so don’t get invested! Enjoy!

My new strategy is all kinds of sports clubs and activities so I will report if there are any eligible men at any of those activities. Unfortunately I don’t think a relationship is likely to fall into our lap at our age without some serious plotting! I’ve asked a friend’s partner in the healthcare space to watch out for any eligible bachelors, also my accountant, every married friend I have as well as will start spreading the word with more distant acquaintances. We shall see of this strategy yields anything remotely positive.

I just want to… Fall in love 😇

We were so genuinely and organically falling for each other with Mr WorkCrush. And I know it will happen again but it’s a bit hard to imagine at the moment. Also… If/ when I do I guarantee it’ll be the most unsuitable person! 😂

I’m tempted to fill the gap in the meantime but… unfortunately I only ever seem to meet nice guys that ‘want to do the right thing’. Feel like shouting that sometimes the right thing is to unhook her bra when she asks 😋

I think there are different ways of looking at it. I've heard the chemistry can grow argument (normally gendered - the story goes that this happens more for women then men) and I don't know about that, maybe, I've just never experienced it. I used to have relationships with generally hot/attractive guys and we had chemistry, if we didn't then I'd not date them. The thing I learnt recently is that you can have insane chemistry and physical compatibility even if you don't find their face/body hot straight away. With the two guys this happened with it was always at the kissing stage I was blown away. It was precisely because of the first one (a few years ago) that I had subsequent dates with the second (current) one.

Thanks @b0zza1 for the different perspective, I've just messaged the weekend date guy asking how his day was to re-start the chat (he was keen to meet again).

@occhiazzurri hope you find success looking in real life! I was looking around at the gym this morning 🤣

Embrace your rebellious side and go have fun! Don't forget to report back.

I've effectively given up on OLD ( half-heartedly on Hinge and Tinder) but I'm open to meeting someone IRL and so I'm trying to do more social things. Yes, my FWB is a bit intense/keen. I'm enjoying it though, overall, and I find him physically attractive, so I'm going along with it for now. I had planned to put some distance between us this week but I'm having second thoughts as I want to sleep with him haha.

@oldernotwiserffs That sounds like a really nice date and I don't understand what you mean by you're worried you were friendzoned?! The only reason the date didn't end in sex is because of logistics, not because you didn't want it to.

I know what you mean about feeling like you do so much for a guy and then it ends and he walks away a better person for your input into his life. This is one of the reasons I am looking for someone more accomplished / worldly / got their shit together, in a life partner. I simply can't be the unpaid therapist, educator, mother to a man again. It's so depleting.

@Crushed23 thank you, I am prone to overthinking as it is and the 'friend zone' comment sent me over the edge! We are going out this weekend for Valentine's Day though so maybe all is ok.

It's hard at this age to find a man who doesn't need looking after or at least some form of emotional support. When my ex dumped me I told myself I would only dare men who were self sufficient but they don't seem to exist! I guess that's partly why they want a relationship. I don't mind if they aren't just using my kindness and it's a two way street but in the past men have taken what they've needed from me and then left so that makes me wary.

Haha, re your post before this one, now it's my turn to say go for it! Definitely get what you already know is good.

I've just had a call with a guy from PoF who I won't be going on a date with. In between telling me about his therapy sessions, living with his mum, having no job, sleeping half the day, having anxiety and being on and off anti-depressants, he managed to ask me about 3 questions. I sure know how to pick 'em!

@Crushed23 - I have been following a podcast aptly called Finding Mr Height about a previously single tall 30s girl in NY and you may get some ideas from the podcast about all of the social things/events she used to do and recommends to other singles.

Thanks for the recommendation! Unfortunately I'm not very tall so that part of the podcast won't be relevant!

Mr Surfer (hot guy from Tinder) messaged after going quiet with no explanation for almost a week. I have zero motivation to respond to him. I don't think it's even because I have gone off him or because I'm into Mr Rave, I just... have no energy left? I want to not think about dating for a bit. Doubt he'll understand if I told him this, so I'm just going to continue ignoring him for now.

@Crushed23 I'm surprised he popped up! No point messaging him if you're not interested.

Is it tonight you're doing your early Valentine's Day with Mr Rave?

Mr Rave and I are not meeting up this week, no. Works a bit too hectic. He is “making” me something for Valentine’s though, using his “3D printer”. I still find the fact he’s so practical and knows to make and fix things so hot 😍 I wonder when that novelty will wear off?! I told him I’d bake him a cake sometime, as a thank you for the wine glasses and the kitchen gadget he got me. Clearly setting myself up for role of domestic goddess if this goes anywhere 😂

How’s it going with Mr Tradie?

@Crushed23 what happened to ‘oh it’s just FWB’? 😋 Sounds like he is slowly starting to win over your cold English heart 😉

Ugh, I know. What a shitshow. I was supposed to start with a therapist 2 weeks ago but due to some extra admin I had to do to get her free on my insurance, I start with her in 2 weeks’ time instead. I really need to sound everything out to an impartial professional and explore all my conflicting feelings.

Any dating updates @ElleintheWoods ?

@Starseeking I've been dating my partner for a year, similar in the sense I have two small children, he has none (and was older). Chemistry was also/is amazing. However the issue we have found is lack of enough free time plus different priorities, men like this need to be really understanding that parents have less free time. Mine sadly isnt because he has no kids. I think they need to date child free women personally. I feel like I've wasted a year and would certainly think twice about dating someone without kids again.

@Crushed23 just be careful, you’ve explained in quite a lot of detail why you don’t want to date him, so… Then again I’ve realised that I critique any potential bf to pieces in my head, so I dunno whether you have the same tendency. The ‘conservative American’ thing though…

I don’t think there will be any dating updates from me anytime soon. Just lurking as I’m interested in how you guys get on 😇

I read a thread yesterday about why people are single because they’re just too self-centred and date for ego and it hit home quite a bit. I’ve started considering how I make people feel when they’re dating me, and what I’m giving instead of taking, and I’m not sure that’s always a pretty picture.

Well I'm going round to Mr handsome's tonight 🤦‍♀️not the best option I know for a first meeting,but I really want to 🙆‍♀️😂 sometimes,as AP said 'sometimes a girl just wants her bra unhooking' 😂that might not happen,but probably will! He's giving me his address,so I'll give it to a friend