Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Right i'm back on Hinge. Or 'un-hinged' as I keep calling it everytime I open the app.

I took about 3 months break from tinder as drove me mad, the ghostings, the obsessives, the men who just use for sex, the ones who look and/or sound completly different.... even had one who turned out to be gay and pulled one of my male friends on a night out when we met!.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Heres to having better boundries, being more cut throat , and also taking sensible breaks if the mind starts to un-ravel again.

I have three chats/matches currently going on Hinge, only been on it a few days. Think I will drop one as already giving me the feeling that he is just on it for an ego boost.

2 potentials who started the conversation forst without an emogi or a 'hi babe your gorgeous/fit/lush lips...insert random compliment here..' 🙄

Hi everyone hope it’s ok to join the thread. I started OLD recently after being in a 23 yrs marriage. I literally have no idea what I’m doing so have been reading this thread to try and learn a trick or two! I joined Tinder a few days ago and have had loads of ‘success’ however despite matching with loads of people they either send one message saying Hi and then disappear or just don’t message at all. What’s that all about?? Am I doing something wrong??

Welcome to Online Dating......that is perfectly normal behaviour!

I think people pick it up and put it down....so the matches might have been weeks ago and they have put it down.....or they swiped on you and then not gone back to the app.
If you have only been on a few days then it should all be pretty fresh, bumble tells me that I have hundreds of matches (I can see them if I pay!) but when I swipe on a profile....it is always one that has not matched.

When I occasionally match...the other person may have matched three months ago, in a different town, and have either already met someone or grown disillusioned.....

Oh ok thanks @Dauntedbydating its all a bit of a minefield really. I’d much rather just meet someone IRL like the good old days!

Anyone else’s DMs down or just me?

Mr Italian wants to travel a significant distance to go on a date with me. We’re barely messaging at this stage, maybe once a week, I make no effort. Why?!

I’m also moving to the city from the countryside for a while and spring is here… Feel like maybe I need to put myself out there again.

Warning - if anyone matches with a sports consultancy professional based in Sussex - very charming but an absolute player. Happy to sleep 4 times with me and yet any discussion about if there might be anything consistent in this is ‘matched’ with he ‘can’t take this level of demand and intrusion’ Awful.

@ElleintheWoods same and I need to talk to youuui 😫 interesting that the Italian is still so keen, most men would have given up by now!

Yes I know, I miss you too my dear!

Hope all is well and you’ve had a lovely weekend though!

I’ve had a meltdown and moaned to my exes about Mr WorkCrush’s latest stunt so think I’m now in their ‘Bridget Jones on steroids, poor girl needs help’ list 😂

It is a bit strange. So for context I’m in England, he is in Scotland. He is very very good-looking and he’s smart. I think he feels a bit down about his job/ status so that’s probably his only reason why he might have low self-esteem. But I’m confused as to why a hot guy would want to go to such lengths to meet someone who pretty much ignores him.

Does treat them mean keep them keen really work to that degree?

I’ve had it with some other guys who I’ve pretty much ignored on messages and they just keep messaging for weeks on end.

Sorry @oldernotwiserffs I have only just seen your reply! Anxiety is the biggest one. I have an anxiety about finding the "best" partner for me and not settling, which makes me extremely emotionally avoidant and almost looking for an ick quickly. I also find rejection hard (as we all do, I know) and am also having to work hard on trusting my own judgement and instinct.

Anyway, I have two dates this week so we will see. How long is it before people meet up? I am onto my third "video" chat with one guy, and I am starting to think we really need to meet or call it quits.

Hi dating ladies! I'm going to live through you all on this thread for a bit as I've taken a break from all apps. Although I was regularly going on dates, I was meeting very few men that I was attracted to in person, and the ones I did like, made it very clear they were only after sex, and couldn't even be bothered having a conversation beforehand!

Luckily I didn't sleep with any of these men, and didn't get invested enough to have had my heart broken, however decided to take a break to get my sanity back, and hopefully meet someone in the wild.

Hi everyone, checking in to the thread. I’m still ‘dating’ Mr Rave. We spent the whole weekend together, Fri-Sun, and we had the ‘exclusivity’ chat (well, he did). We agreed we were more than FWBs and that we will continue having a good time with ‘no labels’. He told me he was ‘very exclusive’ with me and had deleted the dating apps. He didn’t press me for a response / pressure me to be the same, which was nice. I haven’t deleted the apps but I am barely swiping and not currently chatting to anyone else. The sex is getting very, very good as we get more and more comfortable with one another. We also had unprotected sex in the moment, twice, which is really fucking stupid. I think I’m letting go of the control I like to have over dating & relationships, but going too far obviously.

I don’t really know where we’re headed but I’m trying not to overthink it and just have a good time.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. 😊

@Starseeking - welcome to the club! Unfortunately I don’t think that IRL is that different when it comes to attractive men in their 40s. The two attractive visibly age appropriate men without wedding rings I spotted at a work function have been on dating apps for nearly year and a half with blank bios which suggests to me they are enjoying all the attention and are looking for casual sex. Outside of work I haven’t been able to meet anyone age appropriate in the past couple of years despite literally been out three nights a week, going to a million networking events, any possible adult class you can think of, alumni events, singles events and I have also taken up padel, golf and now need to try cycling/climbing gym. The solution seems to be to go for someone unattractive that other women our age don’t fancy or someone much older ie late 50s/60. I am yet to meet - on OLD or IRL- an attractive 30 year interested in me!

@ElleintheWoods I actually think it's really nice that you can talk to your exes like that! It's weird that the Italian is so keen - maybe just enjoy the attention? I hope DMs start working again soon 🤞

@summerbreeze10 I am similar with the anxiety and not trusting my own judgement - I am 34 and want a family so the stakes feel high. It's horrible and sometimes I feel like I'm going insane! Good news about your 2 dates - let us know how they go. I personally don't really like video calls but wouldn't have entertained 3 without meeting. I think at this point you need to suggest meeting or bin the guy off.

@Starseeking so many men on the apps are just after sex and it annoys me because there are literal hookup apps for that, why are they clogging up the other ones?!

@Crushed23 well you have changed your tune! Sounds like you might be entertaining the idea of a relationship with Mr Rave? This is exciting!

Update from me, had a lovely day with Tradie at the weekend. We went for lunch, then went shopping and I helped him pick out some clothes and also a gift for his sister. Then we went for a walk and for dinner and drinks. We were together for 13 hours and it felt more 'couple-y' than 'date-y' which is we actually really nice.

Ive recently joined a climbing gym. Unfortunately nothing has come from that yet. The men seem to stick in their groups. I'm early 30s and most men in my range are in LTR, married with kids.

I'm back i was under a different name. Last time I wrote on here a few months ago it was about a Mr Cringe. He had made me feel uncomfortable by sniffing my hair and being too touchy only on date number 2! He sent me a voice note over the weekend asking how I was ect. I was polite and just gave back some general chit chat but im not interested. I let the conversation come to a natural end and didnt reply anymore.

Ive matched with a new person on hinge. He's 2 years younger than me. He looks ok online but not 100%. He seems nice so far, nothing sexual mentioned. However he replies to messages almost instantly what i find a little off putting. I think within 1 hours or so fair enough but this is within 5 mins. Would this put anyone else off or am I being too picky?

@occhiazzurri thanks for your reply. Have you given up on it all completely? How are you feeling about it?

The thought of possibly never having a loving, kind, supportive male partner really makes me feel sad.

@Starseeking - I haven’t actually experienced such a relationship since I have been dealing with narcissists, players and serial daters, commitmentphobes my whole life. All very attractive high earners who can obviously afford to play the field forever. So it is easier to accept if you have been long term single.

I have now genuinely given up on actively looking to meet someone but I have made it a real goal to expand my social circle and to keep very busy with a wide range of hobbies/networking and the like. I am now at an age when a lot of people start getting divorced so I reckon there is still some possibility to meet someone, but I have accepted that it would have to be someone I don’t necessarily find very attractive. I am trying to brainwash myself to find average men attractive at this stage!

In short, I don’t think you should give up but focus on your social network and hobbies/events you enjoy and live a full life, whether or not the ideal man appears in your life. I saw a clip about Halle Berry manifesting her boyfriend - I am planning to do the same and see if it works!

@Starsandsparkles112 Oh yes you are being too picky, sorry! Nothing wrong with replying instantly IMO. People just can’t get it right, leave too long and you’ll be weeded out, reply too quick and you’ll be weeded out also… You’ve got his attention, enjoy. It may show that he’s the sort of person that’s on their phone/ online a lot, but hey…

@occhiazzurri what’s your circle’s divorce age? I think me and my old girlfriends are starting a ‘35 and divorced’ club 😁 We all settled down before 25 (not all married but all LTRs) and it seems we’re now all 35 and divorced! Dare I say we all look better than we did at 25 too, I really don’t get the attraction of girls under 25/30 to be honest, I think most don’t really look that great/ have good styling/ hair/…

@ElleintheWoods - it is 45+ and I must say all the single women I know in that age range look so much better than the single men I have met but I am probably biased since a lot of them don’t have kids/have a lot of free time/disposable income to spend on their appearance. So I can totally believe you all look and feel much younger! My dermatologist tells me I still look about 32, but that’s not resulted in any success on the romantic front.

@oldernotwiserffs We’re spending more and more time together (46 hours over the weekend) but I wouldn’t say we’re official or anything. Dating with ‘no labels’ is the best way to put it, I think. I am starting to feel VERY anxious about it though, like literally in the last few hours - about wasting time, about going through another break-up, about too much change. So much for just trying to enjoy things... 😒

So glad to hear you’re feeling more coupley with Mr Tradie! Have you met each other’s family and friends yet? There was a poster on the Dating Thread a while back whose therapist advised to do this as early into a relationship as possible, as it really helps you get to know a person.

been out three nights a week, going to a million networking events, any possible adult class you can think of, alumni events, singles events and I have also taken up padel, golf and now need to try cycling/climbing gym.

This is very impressive, @occhiazzurri , how do you find the time?!

I think there's some truth in finding someone when you're not looking for them, so doing these activities with the aim of making friends and having enriching experiences is a good idea, rather than trying to meet men there, if you see what I mean. I'm sure that already is your approach anyway.

My Great Big Infatuation of 2024 was a complete chance meeting. I don't think it would have been anywhere near as exhilarating if we had met at a singles event, say.

@Crushed23 wow! 46 hours together in one weekend is a LOT! Surely this is bf/gf territory? Haven't met Tradie's friends and family yet, this isn't really something I'd feel comfortable doing until we become an official couple. I am feeling more comfortable but still anxious, we don't plan to see each other far in advance eg we are seeing each other on Weds but no plans beyond that and that stresses me out because I would kind of keep my weekend free for him even though I know I shouldn't!

Thanks for some perspective. Just had some bad experiences in the past and wanted to see what others thought of the instant texts all the time.
I once was in a situationship with a guy and we text all the time constantly. I realise now I'm older that it was not healthy and he was lovebombing me

In my circle women have probably settled down at around age 25 with someone who was 35 at the time. So single women 35ish and hot, single men 45ish and varied. I’ll probably see if I can date someone my own age now as IME they’re at the age where men are desperate for a long-term relationship. I don’t like the word desperate but can’t think of a better one! Talking to my male friends they seem obsessed with meeting a woman to settle down with

Can believe your dermatologist!

People think well dressed well groomed women are drowning in attention but the reality is most men think they’re out of reach for them.

It could be lovebombing, look at the content. I was lovebombed by a guy in that fashion not too long ago.

But some people are just instant repliers. If I’m on my phone and someone I like talking to messages me, I will message back right away, why wait? Nice to have a conversation where you’re typing and he’s typing and you just have a back forth for maybe 30 mins or so, getting drawn into the conversation.

Early on people usually try to play it cool, WorkCrush and I used to try to leave some 45 mins between replies even though we saw the notification to not be ‘too intense’. But it was the mutual instant texting that gave me a nice feeling.

If a man always leaves a gap between replies, I ain’t interested, it’s just not compatible with my style of communication if it’s just a few messages a day. For me there needs to be some pace and excitement and attention to the conversation or why go on a date with them.

I’d rather someone gets lost in talking to me than someone who thinks ‘oh it’s an ad break, might text this Elle woman, or might make a cuppa’ 😇 I want to be the main event, not some little side distraction to another activity.

Tho. ALL THE TIME? Are you sure he isn’t a bot? 😂 Does he have a job/ life to live?

I'm a massive procrastinator when it comes to messaging people back. I try not to let it get to more than 24 hours, but sometimes I do just forget. I also have to be in the mood to text someone as it uses up my social battery for some reason. I wouldn't be put off by a guy who replied quickly as long as he didn't expect me to do the same.