Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’ve always found it a bit strange when people say about meeting someone at work because in my industry it’s so frowned upon. I’m in HR and I’ve had to get couples who start dating to sign declarations and always one of them has to move departments (if they work in same one) - usually the woman and it’s usually detrimental to their career

Though these days there’s so few people on the office on a daily basis and we’re so siloed that I rarely see more than half a dozen people when I’m in

@Crushed23 you can still have a deep emotional connection with him - that's what will make the time you have together so special imo. If you're worried he's getting his hopes up maybe have another conversation with him to make your position clear, otherwise just enjoy it!

Yes I'll be honest I think finance is a lot more 'appropriate'. I have had inappropriate advances in a work environment regularly in the past as a junior and thought that was just normal. With MeToo and all it seemed a whole lot more normal so I thought that was just every woman's experience. And I thought finance was even worse (Wolf of Wall Street?!)

I then started talking about my experiences with my new finance colleagues, e.g. the boss saying crazy inappropriate things to you, or clients trying to turn a business meeting into a date, and they were horrified and said they'd certainly never experienced that. I stopped there but it definitely gets way worse, e.g. seen several male colleagues naked unexpectedly etc.

Would you say it's changed last 10 years or so, or are we talking 1990s for the bad behaviour?

I'm not entirely sure of the motives of the men that contact me after leaving jobs, e.g. do they just want a notch on the bedpost or is there a deeper interest, considering we'd have had a close working relationship and they know my personality etc. But seeing as usually they don't interest me as a dating partner, I just keep it light and sometimes meet for a drink.

There's one I think we'd be a good match with but we're never single at the same time, and i think I've told him too much about my dating and sex life for a relationship to work between us!

Haha yes if you don't get to know someone properly you definitely project them to be perfect! I thought you had more of a flirtation going on, messages etc. Do you still keep tabs on him via social or not really? What if he messaged you? 👀

What's your industry if I may ask?

Do you think the climate has chaged a lot since MeToo?

I'll be honest, with my recent work "relationship" I was afraid of a potential sexual harassment case (well not really but there's always a chance, you've got to know your audience) and may have taken screenshots to be able to demonstrate it was consensual. I think we also ducked out because we already felt it getting awkward at work, I certainly felt being a bit excluded as people picked up there was something going on - or maybe just paranoia. But it did not feel good.

I also wouldn't try to date a current work colleague again unless it was an exceptional case.

I've handled sexual harassment cases in previous roles fairly frequently and honestly some of the unwanted advances are really severe! I assume the person doing this assumes some level of consent, otherwise they're just insane.

My clients and service providers are still sleazy as hell though, a lot of them are 'old-school city boys' that work for themselves in consulting, but it's actually the younger ones that seem to behave badly at events. I'll be honest, if I wanted a quick fling, that would be by far the easiest pool to 'pull' from, but they don't interest me + professional reputation.

I work for a wealth manager. Previously I worked for an investment bank and no it’s jig really changed officially but I’d say there were more affairs turned a blind eye to back in the 90’’s

However failure to declare a relationship with a coworker has always been a disciplinary offence as long as I can remember,

I know someone very senior who was openly having an affair with of one of the PA’s who was sacked when it came to the attention of the top brass. He lost his job, and she didn’t as he was in the more senior role and seemed to be the one who was more at fault.

Ive actually reported someone for inappropriate comments in a work meeting towards me and they were given a verbal warning. That was about 10 years ago

Had a guy on Tinder send me some compliments and a few messages while he was on holiday, he mentioned the names of his children and explained they were chosen by his wife who is from a certain European country and I said that I was also half that nationality ...he then unmatched me ! Good grief.

Talking about his ex wife and kids straight away? No thanks. Good riddance. Next!

I swear I've matched with a bot on Tinder. His messages are so weird. Repeating himself and sounding a bit robotic. Going to wait to see if conversation improves, and if not I'll unmatch.

Haha yes if you don't get to know someone properly you definitely project them to be perfect! I thought you had more of a flirtation going on, messages etc. Do you still keep tabs on him via social or not really? What if he messaged you? 👀

@ElleintheWoods No, I definitely don't keep tabs on him on social media. I get a lot of crushes and I can safely say I'm well over this one! He would never message out of the blue. He's not the type.

What's the latest with your dating life now that Mr WorkCrush is out of the picture @ElleintheWoods ? We need an update!

Why don’t you engage ‘him’ bot style? Start talking about transferring large sums of money over or asking oddly specific AI questions? 😉

I chatted with a French guy once that sounded like a bot but after he explained the Frenchness it made sense, just unusual use of the English language and saying things you wouldn’t expect an average guy to say

Update is I’ve been on the sofa watching Bridget Jones all weekend 😂 I’m in a relationship with not one but two men simultaneously. One is called Ben and the other one Jerry.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing to be honest girls. I am tired of waking up alone and want someone to love me, but I’m also terrified of letting someone in. I think my dating style atm would be ‘see someone a couple of times and find reasons why they’re not suitable’. Add to the mix ‘enjoy attention and compliments but take nobody seriously, do not get close’. Maybe I’m secretly a man? 😂

It’s a long story why but the current situation has just brought up some past trauma I had buried quite deep and I need a bit of time to get over feeling feelings.

Having said that, I do have a really good feeling about this spring and summer.

Just not looking for dates or having anyone on my radar right now that I’m actually invested in, so nothing will happen unless they literally land in my lap 😂

Ah to be fair, he just mentioned he was driving his children home and I commented on them having French names...
Re the Bot - I have definitely had this, if you suggest meeting up they will disappear, also the messages tend to be very long.

@Starseeking - love your positive attitude! Enjoy the dates!

I hope this turns out differently let for you, but the few attractive 45-year olds I met on OLD (when I was early 40s since I haven’t managed a single date after a week on Hinge and Bumble this month) without kids turned out to either be serial daters/eternal bachelors or told me after a few weeks they were after someone younger to have kids with. I hope you have found a unicorn though and enjoy!

@occhiazzurri why would they entertain a date with someone older if they wanted to have kids? Ugh, talk about wasting someone's time.

I find 40something men desperate for kids a bit of an ick personally. I went on a date with one last year and his attitude was appalling. He thought I should be grateful that a 42 year-old who's never been married or had kids was taking interest and genuinely believed himself to be a catch. He couldn't understand why a 35 y/o woman wouldn't leap at the opportunity to be impregnated by him. The other 40+ guy I went on a date with last year was a 40 year-old serial dater / player. So I think your characterisation of single men in this age bracket is accurate.

I'm now done with older men and back to looking younger (although controlling myself and not going younger than late 20s, because that has its own problems, as hot as the men might be).

@Crushed23 - I am sorry to hear about your less than enjoyable experience with the 40-year olds! The two 42/44 year olds I dated for a few months weren’t getting a lot of traction with attractive/highly educated 30 year olds and wanted some attention/companionship/sex so they pretended to be interested until I wanted to take the next step which was booking some trips away/casually meeting friends. If I hadn’t pushed for some sort of minimal commitment they would have happily strung me a long for longer.

Whilst younger is the way to go, according to John Birger, I think there is a lot to be said about trying to meet people IRL and not only on OLD. I was having a conversation with some friends yesterday that the couple of men who recently became single in their 30s (some of whom I mentioned in a previous post) got coupled up pretty quickly with women they met through work/hobbies and friends.

I’m in my 50’s and there’s men my age group on OLD who still say they’re open to having kids which is why they’re out chasing women 20 years their junior

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing to be honest girls. I am tired of waking up alone and want someone to love me, but I’m also terrified of letting someone in. I think my dating style atm would be ‘see someone a couple of times and find reasons why they’re not suitable’. Add to the mix ‘enjoy attention and compliments but take nobody seriously, do not get close’. Maybe I’m secretly a man? 😂

@ElleintheWoods

You sound just like me haha. I can't deal with another break-up so I'm avoidant but tell myself it's because the (perfectly nice) guy is not 'boyfriend material'.

It's funny you mention wanting to book a trip away as being a way to test commitment @occhiazzurri because I'm experiencing that right now, albeit from the other side. Mr Rave has mentioned about 5 different trips he wants to do, from a 'spring break' break in the next few weeks to a festival on the west coast in a few months' time. Unfortunately, unlike women who can read a lukewarm response quite well, he has assumed my not saying "no, absolutely not" as a firm "YES". 😑

Hi everyone,what a great thread!
So I've just dipped my toes into OLD on Bumble since last Wednesday,and it's a minefield! I started talking to Mr handsome pretty much straight away,which is starting to get better(flirting,good convo) but he can take hours to reply which drives me nuts.
Also I was matched to Mr tall too but,the convo is rubbish,we're meant to meet up soon but I'm thinking to say it's not working.

@Crushed23 what's wrong with a trip away?

@Applesandpears1806 the long replies can be so anxiety producing can't they? Still, mr handsome sounds promising!

Oh, I would like to do a trip away with him sometime, but it's the way he first sprung the idea on me after date TWO like we were already boyfriend & girlfriend that's a bit odd. He just generally goes ahead and plans things that we've discussed only once. He's either not good at reading between the lines (ie misinterpreting my lukewarm, vague response) or he doesn't care.

@oldernotwiserffs Is date #9 (#10?) locked down with Mr Tradie?

I'm rethinking my plan to get some distance from Mr Rave this week. He wants to come round one weeknight because I'm busy this weekend (I purposely made plans for Valentine's weekend) and I was going to say no, but now I'm checking my calendar and as my period is due next week I might agree to the mid-week date so it's not ages before we have sex 😅 And people say it's men who are driven by sex... !

@Crushed23 date 10 was Saturday! No date locked down next but he's been messaging me as normal. My period is also due this weekend which is very annoying! My insecurities are getting the better of me at the moment and I am filtering for any possible sign that he might not be interested/might not like me so I am struggling a bit tbh.

Date 2 is quite soon to be talking about trips away! But if it's still on offer, why not go and enjoy it?

Hey, sorry for jumping in! Long time lurker on the dating threads. I have been on and off OLD for 3 or 4 years. I have had a few relationships and currently dating a few guys and so paused on the apps. (I'm 47yrs and have a son and keep that side of my life separate from my dating life (shared care with ex)). What worked for me is doing the likes pretty freely and easily (I was on Hinge) and having pretty minimal/rapid chats and then meeting up for a coffee within about 2 weeks. I would arrange 3 coffee dates on one afternoon/eve an hour apart (I'm in a big city and so doable) and that way you can check chemistry early on and then carry on chatting. A second part of this I would say is that something I learnt is that there is a difference between fancying someone and chemistry. And so if you like someone and are compatible then it might be worth getting to the kissing stage, this is never something I would have done when I was younger. When I had a coffee with my current date I didn't really feel anything and I messaged him as much and said that I would still be up for seeing where it went. After a few dates we kissed and it was electric and it's like he's made for me in bed. I really like who he is (and always did) and have started to find him more attractive! I'm not saying to not listen to yourself, there is nothing more important. I'm saying that there is a difference between physical attractiveness and physical compatability! I wouldn't go all the way with someone that I was unsure of though. You can tell way before that. And if you're not sure, then I'd say to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and call things off.