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Original poster

Partner refusing to spend time with me without his teenage son

236 replies

Slettora · 04/02/2025 18:13

The situation is I own a small 840sq ft 2 bed flat and a year ago my partners son (15) moved in with us due to his mother moving away. And originally he would stay at my partners parents one work night a week which gave us a breather but my partners dad has heart problems and the teenager has been stressing him out and landed him in a&e recently. So that’s not happening anymore, understandably.

I don’t know how I’m going to hold this relationship together when the only time I spend with my partner is with his son who sits and watches tv with us from dinner time (my partner gets home late) until 10:30 when we all go to sleep. My partner has said he will not ask him to go to his room.

We don’t have a sex life anymore and don’t have any adult time and I’m not sure how this can sustain as a relationship. I have never had kids so am used to having plenty of adult time in a relationship, so I was hoping someone might be able to give me some of their own experiences of having a relationship with kids. Am I asking too much? My partner seems to think so.

(we sometimes get chunks of time at the weekend for a couple hours when his son sees a friend but that’s rare and my partner usually wants to see his friends at the same time anyway).

OP posts:
Waterboatlass · 04/02/2025 18:46

How long you been together?

LaurieFairyCake · 04/02/2025 18:49

Get him and his son to move out so you can date

Frankly I'm concerned he's not taking you out on dates at the weekend so it's just the two of you Confused

Is he a cocklodger, just using you for accommodation? If he's not paying much surely there's loads of money swilling about to take you for dinners, the odd hotel night away

A 15 year old can be left at home while you date Hmm

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:00

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/02/2025 18:22

It's time your partner provided a home for his child, esp as the child's mother isn't.

What has he done with the place he lived in before he moved into your property ?

He lived with his parents before we met (he’s 46 🫤)

OP posts:
Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:01

MoetUndChandon · 04/02/2025 18:24

It sounds like it would be better for you if your partner moved out to his own place with his son, and due to see each other separately to that

I suggested this but he can’t afford to

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/02/2025 19:01

I'd be asking him to leave, it sounds like he's using you for your flat. Get rid

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:02

PullTheBricksDown · 04/02/2025 18:25

Surely one option would be for your partner to use the time when his son is seeing friends as quality time with you? It's not a good look for him not to do that.

I feel sorry for the son, who must feel bad that his mum's left him behind, but it seems like you also feel taken for granted here and your partner is not helping at all.

It feels like a case of me picking up the pieces while she is off having a life

OP posts:
BruFord · 04/02/2025 19:05

You actually have a lodger and son in your two bed flat, just ask them to leave.

This ^^ He's using you for accommodation, @Slettora . I'm not saying that he doesn't care about you at all, but you're giving him a lot and he's barely giving you anything.

You're not obliged to house him and his child, that's his responsibility. Ask him to get on with it. If he can't afford it, they can move back with his parents, it's nothing to do with you!

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:05

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2025 18:28

The teen "stressed out" the grandfather so badly he ended up in A&E? What's the story there?

He's living with his father at your place. There is no respite here. You provide the living space and they live there. You're not going to get lots of adult time in your situation unless Dad moves out with his son.

the story is the teen is more like a 12 year old who needs to be chased up to do things like eat, homework, sleep. And he’s also got the average moody and shitty attitude when he’s asked to do anything, which unfortunately is all the time or he’d just play video games, fail school, sleep all day and eat pizza.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:07

FabFeb24 · 04/02/2025 18:29

I can see it would be hard for him to send his son upstairs so you can have the living room to yourselves but most teenagers spend all their time in their room I find. My dc never watch tv with me preferring to be on their technology and doing their own thing.

It might change for you as the lad gets older and maybe goes out more but some kids are homebirds more than others.

He’s definitely a home bird which is fine cos he’s not getting into trouble here. He just likes to watch movies and hang out and talk, which is lovely but not every night

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/02/2025 19:07

Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:05

the story is the teen is more like a 12 year old who needs to be chased up to do things like eat, homework, sleep. And he’s also got the average moody and shitty attitude when he’s asked to do anything, which unfortunately is all the time or he’d just play video games, fail school, sleep all day and eat pizza.

Show quote history

So he is a normal teenager then.

category12 · 04/02/2025 19:07

Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:05

the story is the teen is more like a 12 year old who needs to be chased up to do things like eat, homework, sleep. And he’s also got the average moody and shitty attitude when he’s asked to do anything, which unfortunately is all the time or he’d just play video games, fail school, sleep all day and eat pizza.

Show quote history

Yeah, well, his mum's fucked off. He could be acting out a lot worse. n awful lot worse.

He probably wants to be in his dad's company a lot because his mum's fucked off.

HenDoNot · 04/02/2025 19:07

It’s not a relationship.

His priories are:
himself
his son
his friends
you

He’s moved from his parents place into yours. And now you’re housing his son too, because he “can’t afford to”. At age 46?

What on earth attracted you to this loser?

itsmeits · 04/02/2025 19:08

Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:01

I suggested this but he can’t afford to

Show quote history

Not your problem. A him problem.

You should be able to have an evening or two where the son chills in his room watching TV.
Parents put young children to bed so they can have adult time in the evening.
Why can't you ask a teenager for the same a few times a week?

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:09

cstaff · 04/02/2025 18:31

What way would you react if this 15yo was your child also. It doesn't make it easy for him at 15 years of age either. What would your proposal be...to kick a child out

If he was my kid I’d encourage him to spend some more time with friends or say one night a week is our date night where he can do what he wants but in his room

OP posts:
Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:10

Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/02/2025 18:31

Did he have nowhere else to go so he moved in with you? The partner i mean

He was living with his parents and sharing a bedroom with his son when he had him 30% of the time

OP posts:
RachelLikesTea · 04/02/2025 19:11

I wouldn’t ask my dc to leave the living room in the evening, either! You own the flat so if you want to, you can ask them both to move out. Your dp will always prioritise his dc if he’s a good father.

itsmeits · 04/02/2025 19:11

Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:10

He was living with his parents and sharing a bedroom with his son when he had him 30% of the time

Show quote history

So the set up from the start was him moving in with the son.

BruFord · 04/02/2025 19:12

@category12 I feel very sorry for the son too. His father is the issue, not him, poor kid. He's passed around like a parcel. 🙁

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:12

yeesh · 04/02/2025 18:33

do you and your partner never go out for the evening? Does the son have a TV etc in his room? It seems odd that a teenage boy wants to sit in the lounge with you every night, and not on Xbox/out with friends etc. it sounds like no life at all for you, and him not making time but preferring to go out with his friends isn’t a partnership at all

He has a ps in his room but he’s not allowed to play it after dinner because he gets irate at it and then trying to get him to go to sleep before 11 is impossible

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 04/02/2025 19:12

Why does son need to go to his room in order for you guys to have time together? Can you not go out or for a walk?

what’s that got to do with you not having sex.

regardless I think your partner is a user. And you should get rid.

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:13

FabFeb24 · 04/02/2025 18:32

Doesn’t he see his mother at all? That must be sad for him.

Doesn’t he have a play station or a laptop or something to go on? That’s what most teen boys do if they don’t go out. Does he go to school in your area? Why isn’t he going out with mates or playing football or something?

Yeah it’s really sad, I’m so angry with her for doing this to him as he’s such a lovely kid and deserves better parents

OP posts:
SleepQuest33 · 04/02/2025 19:13

I think it’s wonderful that a 15 year old boy wants to spend time with his dad. How great! So many teenagers isolate themselves.

hes gone through enough by the sound of it, he won’t be there forever! If he were my son he’d be my number one priority and if you don’t like it, there’s the door.

Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:15

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/02/2025 18:36

Erm... I'd be asking your cocklodger "partner" to move out and get his own place and ideally end it.
If you cant... go back to dating on a Friday/ saturday amd maybe family dinner with DSS during the week.

At 15 i was out pretty much all weekend and usually one or 2 nights in the week... but the step son isnt the problem your partner is

Edited

Yes, his son is not the problem at all. I even suggested we try move somewhere bigger for us all and he said no it’s too disruptive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:15

Waterboatlass · 04/02/2025 18:46

How long you been together?

3 years

OP posts:
Original poster
Slettora · 04/02/2025 19:16

Bananalanacake · 04/02/2025 18:43

Does your partner pay towards bills and food.

Yes he pays half of bills and food

OP posts: