How would you feel about this response to a Clare’s Law application?

[NoSmokeWithoutFire0]

I won’t go into why I made it but the guy I’ve been seeing for around 10 months found out that I’d made a Clare’s Law application on him and these are some of his responses in a conversation we had by text about it.

“I'm sorry about the Claire's Law thing. It's up to you how you proceed, but I do think it's an invasion of privacy to some extent. Whether I thought it'd have content or not. I think regardless of how we move forward, l'd always feel that way. I should be entitled to move on from horrible situations from my past. I see the systems inability to protect individuals from false allegations as a continued form of abuse by those that make allegations and they can do so without ever having to be questioned or punished.”

“Actually, the thought of you being able to sit next to me and think "I know something you that you don't know" makes me wretch.
You can't build trust on that, and our conversation revolved around trust.
Whether you go through with it or not, I'll never trust you in that regards. I'll always assume you did it and know more about me than I know. That's like me having full access to your gp records.
That's a deal breaker for me and would make everything else we worked on together pointless.”

“I now feel like l'll never be allowed to move forward and enjoy any relationship through fear of secretly being spied on.
Enjoy having a nosey into my past life anyway.”

Is it just me or is this screaming guilty?

Hmmm I don't know if I'm over reacting but I'd probably go and stay with a friend or relative for now.

Surely you mean my ex, who until recently I had been seeing for 10 months

You're not even remotely considering staying with him are you @NoSmokeWithoutFire0 ?

Outrageous, how dare you invade his privacy just because you want to know if he's a violent or abusive partner! 🙄

Just seen your update about his latest response. As if the
more than one woman has made ‘false allegations’ against him in the past
didn't give it away. Red flags everywhere.

Agree with pp saying don't be in his company again, not even to end it.

Actually it absolutely is an aid to your dating life! It's there for any woman to use for any reason. If there's no history that's just part of your risk assessment process when you start a relationship.

I agree.

Even from this distance, I am getting a really bad feeling about this.

Well I'm a woman and I wouldn't, so you're incorrect there. I have never struck another person so I'd be confident it wasn't because they had seen anything that raised suspicions and was more about their peace of mind.

Jesus Christ OP this man is giving me the chills. Get the hell away from him.

Wtf is all that word salad about. What a worm. Keep well away. I know for a fact I could say to my dp (for all his faults) "I've done a clares law app on you"
And he would probably blink and say what's that? Then shrug and go ok then.
Nothing to hide.
This dick clearly does. Stay well away op!!!

Sorry...found your reasoning.

There's so many red flags with him.

It's like dv perps who say 'yeah I went to court for dv but I was let off'...that doesn't mean they didn't do it, it just didn't reach the threshold for burden of proof! It's why in family court they can do fact finding and will decide people are a dv risk as they look at balance of probability as the burden of proof rather than criminal court which is based on beyond reasonable doubt.

On what you have, on the balance of probability he's an abuser.

You've done so well listening to your gut instinct and being proactive. Looks at his reaction to being challenged...classic abuser.

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Yeah he's definitely a wrong un of some kind. Even if the Clare's Law search comes back without any concerns I think you've heard enough from him to end it regardless.

His entire behaviour is red flag central. Saying you're 'secretive' with your phone, accidentally seeing an important text, comments about women that have got you on edge and his whole 'i want to move away from my past/ women are liars' shtick. What a Prince.

Just asked my DH how he would feel if I did a Clare's law request. He says he would be delighted and thinks every woman should. He too commented on the red flag bunting, the "accidental" nature of him just happening to see your phone . Please dump him safely.

Dear god, OP, don't go back to this man. He has admitted multiple women have contacted the police about him. (It's rare for a single woman to make a false allegation to the police, let alone multiple women about the same man.) Every single thing about his responses is a major red flag. Please don't contact him and make sure you stay safe.

Please tell me you have finished it and blocked him on everything.

Not only is he not taking any responsibility for what you have found (you obviously had a reason to do the request). He is blaming you for this new mistrust! He is gaslighting you already.

Multiple women DO NOT make false allegations.

He is a dangerous man - please, please run and don’t stop! Keep safe, lock all doors and please send any abuse texts to the police for logging.

The fact you made a CL application means something in your gut felt something wasn’t right. His response shows you were right. Time to move on swiftly and cleanly. All the best.

If there was nothing to find then he wouldnt be so vehement about it. Acting like you'd know something he didn't ... no he'd recall a conviction perfectly well, and you know something he didn't want you to know.

Clares law exists to protect potential future victims, if he had nothing to hide he'd not be acting like it was the enemy

That last line "Enjoy having a nosey into my past life" is extremely creepy. Belittling and threatening all in one. I'd block and never contact again.

What a gaslighting asshole.

Guilty or not an emotionally healthy man would have commended you for taking steps to protect yourself. I get that they might feel a little hurt but I'd expect a man to know that women have had it hard and its healthy for them to be careful of men. I'd reassure her I understood and whilst it made me feel a little sad that I hadn't been able to make her feel secure and safe enough that she didn't need it, I understand why she's talking no chances.

Don't date men who make you feel you have no right to protect yourself because 'feelings'.

If you were a violent criminal, he should have every right to know too. It's nothing like gp records. He's a prick.

Just to say I’m definitely safe. We don’t live together and he knows where I live but doesn’t have a key, house is secure etc. I wasn’t sure whether to keep him blocked though or if it would be better for him to be able to contact me in case he did show any signs he might turn up? Some of the replies are worrying me that I should be more concerned than I already am

Keep him blocked. If he turns up call the police.

@NoSmokeWithoutFire0 if you are at all concerned, you could always change the lock barrel. I know it’s a pain but might help.

Oh he also said ‘maybe I should do one on you and see how you like it?’

I told him that was absolutely fine with me

Well his response is proof of why you went to the Police in the first place! Keep safe OP.

It absolutely screams guilty. Sorry pal, but anything disclosed is not from a past life. It’s very much from this life, and likely recent.

Nothing would be disclosed unless the police believed you were in real risk. They don’t just report false allegations to anyone who asks. He’s desperately trying to maintain control by making you the bad guy here.

Any decent man would say they understood your hesitation, your need to know you can be safe. If they believed there were actual false allegations going to be disclosed they would say it’s absolutely your right to know them and they will be the one fighting to prove you can trust them.

Run for the fucking hills girl. There’s plenty more men out there with far less risk. It’s not worth it for the way he has spoke to you here alone.

Goodness don't give him any more of your time and keep him blocked! What a tool.