How would you feel about this response to a Clare’s Law application?

[NoSmokeWithoutFire0]

I won’t go into why I made it but the guy I’ve been seeing for around 10 months found out that I’d made a Clare’s Law application on him and these are some of his responses in a conversation we had by text about it.

“I'm sorry about the Claire's Law thing. It's up to you how you proceed, but I do think it's an invasion of privacy to some extent. Whether I thought it'd have content or not. I think regardless of how we move forward, l'd always feel that way. I should be entitled to move on from horrible situations from my past. I see the systems inability to protect individuals from false allegations as a continued form of abuse by those that make allegations and they can do so without ever having to be questioned or punished.”

“Actually, the thought of you being able to sit next to me and think "I know something you that you don't know" makes me wretch.
You can't build trust on that, and our conversation revolved around trust.
Whether you go through with it or not, I'll never trust you in that regards. I'll always assume you did it and know more about me than I know. That's like me having full access to your gp records.
That's a deal breaker for me and would make everything else we worked on together pointless.”

“I now feel like l'll never be allowed to move forward and enjoy any relationship through fear of secretly being spied on.
Enjoy having a nosey into my past life anyway.”

Is it just me or is this screaming guilty?

I’d dump his sorry whiny arse. He sounds a bit pathetic. Actually not unlike how my family member who was convicted of sexually abusing a child talks about the ‘system’ that is oppressing him.

Ugghh. He's a wrong 'un.

Well, if he had to nothing to hide he wouldn't be worried about it, would he. What he really means is it's not fair that he has to live with the consequences of his actions

Guilty, guilty, guilty. He even alludes to what you’ll find ‘horrible situations from my past’ etc. Just get it applied for so you don’t question whether he was telling the truth later down the line. I would
use him being upset with you to have a break from him until you get the results. Please update this thread with the results because I would bet my last £1 he’s got something to hide.

Yeah this is really important. It's about what the police consider to be a risk to you. if it was a false allegation that the police dismissed as such, it wouldn't be included in a disclosure, as I understand it.

Of course, men ike this often claim it's a "false allegation" because... "I just pushed her as she wouldn't get out of my face and I needed to get out of the house. I didn't beat her and I wasn't violent but what was I supposed to do? She had me cornered." Or "The sex was consensual, but after I dumped her she wanted to make me pay"

it's almost always bollocks.

That said, I’d absolutely still go through with the application before you dump him so that you know what you were dealing with.

In my view we should be moving away from this thinking to " all woman should do clares law on new partners"

Can
Never be too safe

You don’t need to get any results on the Claire’s Law request to dump him. It could come back with nothing but this response would still be a a hell of a red flag and I would RUN A MILE from this man.

Screams guilt & manipulation definitely go through with it!

How would I feel about it? Sick to my stomach.

What are the actual criteria for being able to request Clare's Law in the first place? A rumour about someone? A friend tells you they heard this individual was abusive towards a previous partner or partners? Or does that individual need to have shown dubious actions or behaviours first?

He found out because I had a text from the local police with a reference number several hours after I made the request and he saw it and asked why the police were contacting me - I’m terrible at lying so I told him.

For context he had already told me months ago that more than one woman has made ‘false allegations’ against him in the past. It’s never sat right with me but I know it does very rarely happen, I’ve always just said to him ‘well you’ve been incredibly unlucky to have been falsely accused several times’. There have been a few things recently, nothing remotely violent I should say, that have made me question his view on women in general, and just a general feeling of unease, so I made the application. I only did it at the weekend so haven’t heard anything back as yet but now I’m worried there’s going to be even more than he’s already said.

Genuiney false allegations are widely known to be rare. The chances that it happens to the same man multiple times.... hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

There is this absolutely brilliant Trevor Noah clip on this but I've never been able to find it again. I'm going to ask Chat GPT if it can track it down....

As far as I understand it, and I’ve never done one so I may be wrong, but the police will only disclose information that they feel is necessary to keep the applicant safe? I know it doesn’t necessarily need to be a conviction, but I assume a pattern of similar allegations even if they hadn’t lead anywhere, with some sort of evidence to back them up (again even if it wasn’t enough to prosecute) might be enough for them to disclose? I don’t think they’d disclose a one off accusation that had nothing at all to back it up. I might be wrong though.

How did he see your phone?

Do you think that’s pure coincidence or does he tend to keep an eye on your phone?

i would assume you had some sort of suspicion to have made the request in the first place?

and i would assume, after making the request, information was given to you about this man?

so why did you then have to ask him about it? you left yourself wide open, and gave him an 'in' with his excuses.

i fully approve of both claires law and sarah's law, but if you are going to go down this kind of route, then the relationship is doomed from the start!

if it had come back with no results, would you have told him you had done it? just because the results are negative doesn't mean that sixth sense you had about it is wrong, it just means he's not been caught yet!

The language here is horrible manipulative gaslighty bullshit, run a mile OP!

He doesn’t particularly look at my phone no, he has made comments in the past that I’m secretive and shady with my phone use. I think this was just unfortunate timing though, and I didn’t realise I’d get a text after applying

Ehhhh, he's checking your phone. I've been with my fella for almost 5 years and have probably only accidentally seen a text notification a couple of times when I've been near it. It's really not common to just stumble across someone's phone screen notifications.

How did he find out? If you told him you were subconsciously sabotaging the relationship..... which sounds like it was on thin ice anyway.

Edit: sorry just saw your other post.

Hmmm….

what is secretive and shady about your phone use op?

@NoSmokeWithoutFire0 not screaming guilty but showing a lack of understanding of how women can feel vulnerable. I would hope a decent bloke would understand and not hold the fact you checked, against him. So a bit self-interested and in itself would put me off him.

are you secretive and shady with your phone? or is this him gaslighting you?

i think everyone here knows this relationship is doomed already, and i would cut my losses now before it gets messier.

He sounds like he has something to hide.