How would you feel about this response to a Clare’s Law application?

[NoSmokeWithoutFire0]

I won’t go into why I made it but the guy I’ve been seeing for around 10 months found out that I’d made a Clare’s Law application on him and these are some of his responses in a conversation we had by text about it.

“I'm sorry about the Claire's Law thing. It's up to you how you proceed, but I do think it's an invasion of privacy to some extent. Whether I thought it'd have content or not. I think regardless of how we move forward, l'd always feel that way. I should be entitled to move on from horrible situations from my past. I see the systems inability to protect individuals from false allegations as a continued form of abuse by those that make allegations and they can do so without ever having to be questioned or punished.”

“Actually, the thought of you being able to sit next to me and think "I know something you that you don't know" makes me wretch.
You can't build trust on that, and our conversation revolved around trust.
Whether you go through with it or not, I'll never trust you in that regards. I'll always assume you did it and know more about me than I know. That's like me having full access to your gp records.
That's a deal breaker for me and would make everything else we worked on together pointless.”

“I now feel like l'll never be allowed to move forward and enjoy any relationship through fear of secretly being spied on.
Enjoy having a nosey into my past life anyway.”

Is it just me or is this screaming guilty?

Any man with an once of decency would respect you safeguarding your children/child and this response screams red flags, it’s obviously all about him and his feelings rather than you being a great mum who puts her children’s safety first ❤️

@NoSmokeWithoutFire0 please contact the police to advise them of his current reactions and behaviour.

Run OP. The fact you did a Claire’s law request at all suggests you had suspicions. Your gut has already told you all you need to know.

The chances of two women independent of each other making a false allegation of abuse about the sane man is so small it can't be measured. It just doesn't happen.

Dump him ASAP.

His social media posts were a red flag and it is likely you will find out he also has a history of abusive behaviour in real life.

It is likely your gut instinct was telling something was not right about this man and you made the Clare's law application for that reason.

This.

This.

My DH and pretty much every decent man i know could have a clare's law check run on him and do you what would show up? FUCK ALL.
And do you know what their response would be - "i have nothing to hide but i understand and i want you to feel safe"

As a separate point i hope by the time my daughter is old enough to date Clare's Law checks are considered a standard formality that every woman does as a matter of course

Interested to know what happened after 10 months to make you want to do a Clare’s law on him? Was there some red flags showing?

100 percent sounds guilty as anything. And trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for even considering it. If he was innocent he would have no problem with it.

OP there are so many red flags here that regardless of the Claire's law outcome, I would walk away now and never see him again!

Multiple abuse allegations.

Nasty social media comments about DV.

He's snooped your phone.

He's being nasty to you about it.

Lots of red flags waving. Dump him.

Huge red flags. Not only is he guilty but he is trying to massively manipulate you.

This. You must've told him you'd done it which seems strange.

For context he had already told me months ago that more than one woman has made ‘false allegations’ against him in the past.

Ive just read all your posts OP. For God's sake RUN. Even if the Claire's report comes back clear.

Yeah I don't think I'd even be bothering to wait for the results. At best he's manipulative and unable to see the female perspective on the important matter of physical safety.

I'd've dumped him when I realised he couldn't spell retch.

Well done, OP, stay safe.

Most men are mature enough to know that it’s not ‘all men’, they aren’t paranoid about the necessity for women to talk about the reality/experience of male violence, and are supportive of sensible safety nets like CL.

Your chippy fella respects neither women’s well-founded concerns nor that they should have individual agency re keeping themselves safe 🚩

Blockityblockblockblock!

You've got good instincts OP. Keep him blocked and be ready to call police if he turns up.

Yes! No need to wait for the report!

His messages made my skin crawl.
Paving the way to be shitty then blame you for making him mistrustful, the system for punishing him, the crazy women in his past for the false accusations...
You can see it coming - of course he's now gone and done X, he was driven to it! He's not paranoid because the world IS stacked against him and even you are spying on him and doubting him, he just wants to be move on and be his wonderful open trustful self, but instead you and the rest of the world made him act like a dick.

The comment that he said about you being the next one to make a complaint could be seen as a threat.
You can report crimes online. If I was you I would make sure the police are aware.

Danger! Don't be stupid! Don't be crazy! Don't be dead! Dump him!

This ^ absolutely
he clearly didn’t learn from his past and stays very selfishly focused on himself ( at least) .
tell him that you didn’t enjoy it actually but bye anyway.

Guilty. Get rid. You sensed something was not right. Trust yourself.

Yup just like what my ex might say.
His Clare's law check that I did showed he tried to strangle his ex before me

This