Advice please...found corner of condom packet in my bedroom

[GetridofStuff]

Hi I haven't posted here before, please be kind! I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I found the corner of a condom packet on the windowsill of my bedroom this afternoon. It is the same colour as the ones we keep in a bedside drawer. Photos attached. I just don't know where it could have come from. DH and I haven't had sex for over 2 years and the last couple of times we tried he had ED. I said he could get help from GP but in all that time he never did anything about it. We haven't talked about it and I just assumed he wasn't bothered or attracted to me anymore. Just been bumbling along with life, we get on most of the time. Been married 30 years, 3 kids who have lots of issues so it's often stressful. In our mid 50s, I am of course perimenopausal so haven't felt like sex for a long time. Although I do think about it, just not about having it with him!
Anyway been trying to think how this thing got there, the window was open earlier, could it have blown in but it just seems too much of a coincidence that it is exactly the colour of the condoms we used to use! Please tell me honestly what you think. Honestly can't believe am asking strangers on the internet but don't want to ask him about it yet.

Thank you.

Thanks for understanding. Yes he drinks alot. Socially and at home. Before kids when we got together we liked going to pubs. I hate going now and watching him get drunk.

Says 2019 on the photo

So you are taken up with work and caring for SEN children, while he’s drinking heavily at the pub and at home. You don’t have a relationship where you can even talk about intimacy. Would you possibly be better off without him?

Gosh op, really sorry to read this. No advice apart from just ignore the ones trying to provoke you as they feed off negative energy. It’s a tough situation you are in as you can’t be carefree at an age when you should be because you are a carer. Also his ed is the issue and not you not wanting to have sex. Hope you can find some answers without driving yourself to distraction! Big hugs x

What's your gut telling you Op? What do you think the most likely explanation is?

As I said before, it is far more likely people will hone in on your insecurities on here and whip it up in to a foaming at the mouth frenzy, than make you feel better. First and foremost your husband will always be having an affair on MN. There’s no in between. There will never be a plausible or innocent explanation. Hence why I attempted to
inject a poorly timed throw away comment in, because I already knew you were going to get pages and pages telling you he must be bringing people into the house for sex while you are out. It’s almost too predictable now.

Perhaps you should leave the thread now and find somewhere else to feel superior?

As you wish.

That’s not what has happened on this thread though. Your stupid animal abuse posts have been a low point. Along with some prick of a man, here to scold a woman for talking about her relationship worries.

May I edit your post?

"Perhaps you should leave the thread now and find somewhere else to attempt to make yourself feel superior, because deep down you know that you are a little bit sad?" Bless

Yes it is. I made one comment. Other people kept banging on about it. Like you are now.

I do think sometimes about what would happen if we split up and I just feel waves of panic. My life is stressful and I can't bear the idea of facing stuff alone.

What is the plausible or innocent explanation for a married man having condom debris, likely coming out of his pocket?? Also to earlier poster why is ED the issue not her not wanting to have sex- specifically with him - she said? Also OP how do you know he didn’t get help and just never told you? You said you hadn’t asked him about it. To me it is basically a green light to go elsewhere when you don’t make any effort to be intimate and stop asking about a physical issue that would need sorting. I don’t mean to prey on OP’s vulnerability or sound cruel but this sounds like a classic case of wilful ignorance.

Cheers. Best contribution you've had.

That was the one in the bedside drawer that OP compared with the corner she found. No way of knowing what date was attached to the corner.

How do you know this? Have you conducted a survey?

OK fair point. But I have also seen some lovely supportive threads on here and thought I would ask opinions. I am normally very strong in real life and chose to be a bit vulnerable in my anonymity

deleted as posted on wrong thread

I think the ops husband could equally have brought up the topic of sex. Considering her husband is in the pub a lot, we don’t know his temperament hence the op’s hesitancy. I didn’t want to have sex with my ExH when it was me doing the housework, dealing with young dc and working! I was exhausted snd pretty angry with him! So I can imagine as op has full time job and is a full time carer, sex hasn’t been top of priority list after the last failed attempt at sex.

Well for a start there isn’t any evidence it is anything to do with her husband. He didn’t have any debris. Where this evidence it was ‘likely from his pocket’? It was found on a window ledge. So why is it automatically being attributed to him when nobody including OP even knows where it came from? Oh of course, ….he’s a man.

It’s in the bedroom shared by two people! Near the laundry where he empties his pockets. He probably didn’t realise it was a giveaway since just a small corner. She has established he has likely opportunity. What else is there to know - besides asking him.

Again, all speculation. Thankfully we don’t all encounter the same men that most of the people on this thread seem to think represent all men. How are so many of you all ending up with men like this?

Op I think if you ask him outright his reaction will tell you a lot. It's not unreasonable to question this even if there is an innocent explanation. It doesn't have to be an accusation, just stick to the facts - 'I found this in the bedroom do you know how it got there?' Then watch closely.

A green light? Wow. I made the effort to book a night away and he got drunk and had ED. Killed my self-esteem and began to kill my attraction to him.
I agree though that perhaps I shouldn't have stopped asking. And he could have got help and not told me, I hadn't considered that.