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Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
thescandalwascontained · 01/02/2025 15:47

Why game play. If you want to give it a shot and go, then go. YOu have nothing to lose other than an evening of your time and the price of a meal.

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 15:47

Demonstrating good boundaries and self esteem isn't playing games. Letting a guy treat you badly doesn't show you in a good light or make him like you more. He will like and respect you less the more you let him play you.

Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.

spinningbirds · 01/02/2025 15:48

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 15:47

Demonstrating good boundaries and self esteem isn't playing games. Letting a guy treat you badly doesn't show you in a good light or make him like you more. He will like and respect you less the more you let him play you.

Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.

Yes, I agree with this.

namechangeGOT · 01/02/2025 15:48

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 15:47

Demonstrating good boundaries and self esteem isn't playing games. Letting a guy treat you badly doesn't show you in a good light or make him like you more. He will like and respect you less the more you let him play you.

Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.

He hasn't treated her badly or messed her around though!

TicklishRubyCritic · 01/02/2025 15:51

Bloody hell… what a start. Loads of back and forth trying to sort a restaurant. Passion killer! 😆 As soon as apparent that was getting convoluted , I’d have said “how about just a drink to start with and we can see how the mood takes us to where to eat”

SereneCapybara · 01/02/2025 15:51

Oh, FGS. He said yes. Just book the bloody restaurant and have a nice night. Please don't pretend you now have other plans because he didn't jump high and fast enough after he failed to book several places (which may have made him feel embarrassed) and then had a delay before saying 'yes' yet again.

TicklishRubyCritic · 01/02/2025 15:52

How much relationship history do you have you op?

Wowser01 · 01/02/2025 15:52

You may as well go at this stage. It’s hard to tell what he’s up to but I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If he’s that flakey he will cancel tomorrow anyway.

Oldglasses · 01/02/2025 15:52

I'd go as he texted back in a reasonable time frame if it's tmw night! Let us know how it goes.

TicklishRubyCritic · 01/02/2025 15:53

On the basis of this thread alone, I’d guess that he just thought “bloody hell I don’t think I can be arsed with this”

he should have responded though saying second thoughts though

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/02/2025 15:53

Wow, you want to punish him for putting his phone down for a few hours to do something - I put mine down several hours ago because I am at work (online, hence I am on here... ) so would not have seen any texts sent since my shift started.

Go on the date, don't play games, don't get concerned about made up shit like 'double texting'... it is fucking stupid.

LushLemonTart · 01/02/2025 15:54

wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 15:47

Demonstrating good boundaries and self esteem isn't playing games. Letting a guy treat you badly doesn't show you in a good light or make him like you more. He will like and respect you less the more you let him play you.

Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.

Yes I'd do this.

Lillers · 01/02/2025 15:55

Next time suggest meeting at the pub - dinner is too much stress at this early stage and you’d have avoided all the back and forth. You could’ve had this all done and dusted in three messages:
”Hey, do you want to meet at the King’s Head for a drink tomorrow?”
”Yes!”
”Great, see you there at 6.”

As for what to do now, don’t play games. If you still want to go, go. If you don’t, don’t.

CagneyNYPD1 · 01/02/2025 15:56

Tomorrow night? That's fine. Book the restaurant for the agreed time.

DurinsBane · 01/02/2025 15:56

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

Is he into football? If he was, maybe he was watching one of the matches today? Being a Saturday there are loads 🤣

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 15:58

‘Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.’

Seriously?? That action would make OP look ridiculous (he’d knows she’s lying). If I was the on the receiving end of such fckwittery I’d pass on the opportunity at that stage.

bunnypenny · 01/02/2025 16:02

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 15:58

‘Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.’

Seriously?? That action would make OP look ridiculous (he’d knows she’s lying). If I was the on the receiving end of such fckwittery I’d pass on the opportunity at that stage.

I know! There are some truly barmy posts on this thread. A plan to meet was agreed last night (by OP, who said “let’s try it!”). Time and place were confirmed today for the date tomorrow. The guy’s done nothing wrong at all. The posters suggesting game playing are utterly bonkers.

Lillers · 01/02/2025 16:03

DurinsBane · 01/02/2025 15:56

Is he into football? If he was, maybe he was watching one of the matches today? Being a Saturday there are loads 🤣

Show quote history

Good point, and especially if he’s actually at a match. Signal at my team’s stadium is awful! I can receive messages but they won’t send.

Equally, OP, he could be doing any number of other things today. Maybe he went to the gym. Maybe he’s seeing family. Maybe he’s running errands. Maybe he’s got a secret wife and it was his turn to look after the children. Who knows?

Waterboatlass · 01/02/2025 16:03

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 15:04

Double texting is not needy and desperate. You text him, he said he was up for a meal, so its perfectly fine for you to send another text in this scenario to check if the plans are still on .

It is looking like he's ghosted you, for whatever reason. Rejection hurts, but would you want to date someone like this? If he was really interested, he would have replied by now.

Agreed. There is nuance to this, as in I wouldn't text twice to make chit chat in such a new connection but if it's confirming plans or otherwise, that's fine.

TicklishRubyCritic · 01/02/2025 16:04

I don’t know this chap
but I hope he runs

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/02/2025 16:04

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 15:58

‘Let him know you're not someone who can be messed around. Tell him you've made other plans, and see whether he likes you enough to make the effort to ask you out again.’

Seriously?? That action would make OP look ridiculous (he’d knows she’s lying). If I was the on the receiving end of such fckwittery I’d pass on the opportunity at that stage.

The problem is that a certain type of person, usually the ones owning penises, will do exactly as much as they are allowed to get away with. If you show from the outset that you are a "yes" girl who is happy to hang around waiting for his text, not making other arrangements in case he calls etc then that sort of person will know he can do what he wants and still have you there as a back up. By showing from the off that you are not like that makes him raise his game.

Ime the first few interactions are the most important in setting the dynamic for any future relationship. I dont buy this "snag the man then train him" bollocks, I prefer "Show him who you are and what you expect, and if he doesnt deliver, chuck him back".

LBFseBrom · 01/02/2025 16:06

He's either got cold feet or he will come back to you soon. Why text, why not speak on the phone? Whichever, it is up to him to make the next contact, not you.

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 16:07

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 15:04

Double texting is not needy and desperate. You text him, he said he was up for a meal, so its perfectly fine for you to send another text in this scenario to check if the plans are still on .

It is looking like he's ghosted you, for whatever reason. Rejection hurts, but would you want to date someone like this? If he was really interested, he would have replied by now.

It is absolutely needy and desperate.
Someone confident knows how to interpret the lack of reply to the first message: he is not that into you.
Good news for OP is that confidence can flourish from within by adopting the right mental frame. And you do that by for example not double texting.

DonnyBurrito · 01/02/2025 16:09

bunnypenny · 01/02/2025 16:02

I know! There are some truly barmy posts on this thread. A plan to meet was agreed last night (by OP, who said “let’s try it!”). Time and place were confirmed today for the date tomorrow. The guy’s done nothing wrong at all. The posters suggesting game playing are utterly bonkers.

Show quote history

I think loads of people thought the 'date' was tonight (Saturday) due to OP being a bit panicky about things... Saturday tends to be the night everyone makes their 'good' plans, so if he kept her waiting until 3pm to firm the plan for tonight up, I can see why it would come across a bit lacklustre on his side. However, the date is actually Sunday...

OP, you need to chill! You've taken yourself on a little rollercoaster this afternoon for no reason.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 16:11

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 16:07

It is absolutely needy and desperate.
Someone confident knows how to interpret the lack of reply to the first message: he is not that into you.
Good news for OP is that confidence can flourish from within by adopting the right mental frame. And you do that by for example not double texting.

Show quote history

Well that's backfired on you as he has text the OP back 😂

It isn't needy to text to reconfirm plans. Pathetic if you think that.