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Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/02/2025 15:29

GO!!!

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 01/02/2025 15:29

You missed his reply for a while . He may have overlooked your message too , hence the delayed reply .
You seem to both want to meet each other , so go . Game playing never helps a relationship .

bluebalou · 01/02/2025 15:30

Oh just go no point playing games now

Lostworlds · 01/02/2025 15:31

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 01/02/2025 15:29

You missed his reply for a while . He may have overlooked your message too , hence the delayed reply .
You seem to both want to meet each other , so go . Game playing never helps a relationship .

This!

Go and see where it leads! By saying you’ve made other plans makes it seem like you’ve had a better offer and he’s unlikely to suggest a meet for another time. You like him, seems like he likes you too. Go and have a fun night and see where it goes!

Notimeforaname · 01/02/2025 15:31

Sorry, it was only 9pm last night when he stopped texting? And he responded this afternoon.
What is so bad about that?!!

I'm actually laughing in disbelief of people calling him immature and suggesting the op lie and turn him down. Why? He has a life and would have been doing any number of things where being on his phone either wasn't necessary or accessible.

Yalta · 01/02/2025 15:32

Just seen your update. Maybe he was doing something else, watching a film or fell asleep Yesterday I couldn’t pick my car up from the garage or text back someone who had asked me a question as I was dealing with the installation of a new shower and trying to get the escaping water situation under control.

I would just go as the alternative would be cutting off your nose to spite your face

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:33

CagneyNYPD1 · 01/02/2025 15:27

Hmmm...it depends on the tone of his message. Apologetic or a bit flippant?

neither.

we communicate mostly through dry humour. Like in Gilmore Girls (not sure if you have seen it before) sometimes even double entendre but we can be formal too.

one simple sentence can contain humour and references to previous conversations. I hope that make sense.

time already agrees yesterday (when he showed keenness) which is 7pm

OP posts:
lovealongbath · 01/02/2025 15:33

Life's too short to play games, you like him, go for it, book the restaurant!

penelopelondon · 01/02/2025 15:34

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

You texted him this morning, he didnt reply, had to text him again and now he replies 3 hours before dinner? He doesn't sound very interested. I would only go out for diner if he sends a a nice, polite and valid excuse as to why he's texting to confirm 3 hours before diner. If not the case I would make other plans and re-schedule this.

Deebee90 · 01/02/2025 15:35

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

Go. Don’t play games if you like him .

Hotmess101 · 01/02/2025 15:35

@SerenaVanDerW hmmm, 3hrs… I’d say keep the arrangement but don’t send long and lavish responses for now. Go with - Cool, sounds good, see you at 8! Etc. Channel breezy Monica (I’ve worked out young people still watch Friends so I can pop this reference in with impunity 😝), but with actual breeziness…!

Either he is clueless/only half keen in which case you can go on a bit of a trial date tomorrow (there’s no law saying he has to be dying to marry you before you’ve even had a single date!!), or he’s a game playing piece of shit (v common sadly), which will reveal itself fairly early on if you observe keenly and keep your wits about you (handy tip - don’t shag early on if you are the type to bond through sex hormones). If he sticks with this late reply/half-ghosting shite after a date or two, get rid x

Hotmess101 · 01/02/2025 15:37

Hang on it’s tomorrow night right? Or tonight?? If it’s tonight he can fuck off as that’s too short notice

DonnyBurrito · 01/02/2025 15:37

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

It sounds like he sees you as a friend... Which is what you are, currently. Try seeing him the same way, for now. Have fun, but with no expectations. After the date, wait for him to make the next move... If he is attracted to you and is open to something romantic, then he will get in touch to arrange something. I'd also make some plans with other people that you're looking forward to, either that same night or a few days later. Take him off the pedestal! Easier said than done, I know...

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:40

Hotmess101 · 01/02/2025 15:37

Hang on it’s tomorrow night right? Or tonight?? If it’s tonight he can fuck off as that’s too short notice

Tomorrow night.

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 01/02/2025 15:41

Text him back that you've made other plans. Be friendly but not overly so. His not texting you was a test - how shitty can he be and still have you? I.e. how much value do you have to him?

So - red flag for this kind of thinking. If he liked you, he would have been all over that date. Tell him you're busy - "I didn't hear back from you so I made other plans." This lets him know you're not hanging around for him and if he does genuinely like you, he needs to step up.

Some guys just like to play, OP. I think that's what he's shown you. But if he apologises and makes a big effort to suggest another date, give him a chance.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 15:41

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

Definitely go .. no games !

shivermetimbers77 · 01/02/2025 15:42

If it's tomorrow evening, I would say that's fine, give a breezy reply and see how it goes tomorrow.

namechangeGOT · 01/02/2025 15:44

Perhaps the poor bloke (who can clearly do no right in some peoples eyes) is trying not to do what the OP has been instructed by the Romance Police not do - come across too keen.

A woman is instructed not to appear desperate, don't double text, keep replies breezy, let him come up you.

Men on the other hand are expected not to have a life and available 24/7, send multiple messages begging for the chance to take you out, respond within minutes, never have the audacity to not respond to a message (someone has got to be the last to text!). Never go anywhere that may result in the other person having to wait the life long length of time of THREE hours to reply.

Jesus, it's insane!

OP, the blokes done nothing wrong at all. Go on your date and take it from there. If he's a twat then he's a twat but nothing he's done up to now makes him so!

penelopelondon · 01/02/2025 15:44

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:40

Tomorrow night.

Show quote history

Oh I thought you were talking tonight! 😂, game changer then... If diner is tomorrow then yeah.... go ahead and dismiss my comments, sorry 😩

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/02/2025 15:45

He was waiting to see if he got a better offer, you are his fall back.

Sod that. Tell him you have made other plans. Thats not to say you shouldnt give him another chance in the future but if you fall in with this crap now you are telling him that you will hang around in the hope of getting crumbs. Set your rules now and read "Why Men Love Bitches".

Zonder · 01/02/2025 15:45

Tomorrow night - this is fine then. He's got back to you in time. He may well have been doing something without his phone, knowing he had arranged to meet you at 7 tomorrow and just needed to refine the details.

spinningbirds · 01/02/2025 15:45

Yes, on balance I wouldn't go now - I'd let him know that in the mean time, you'd made another plan to see a friend.

But if you still are curious, in the same message you could also say that you're open to doing another night. So you're not shutting it down completely.

Like most people have said, keep the game playing to a minimum,

But also, it's ok to have some pride and subtly let him know you're not just going to hang around waiting for texts!!!!

I feel like he's had his one chance, and if he fails again, you can happily block him and move on with your life :)

Believe me, the right guy won't mess up twice 😘

diddl · 01/02/2025 15:46

I'd go but maybe see it as a friend's meet up rather than a date?

You get on, chances are you'll have good food in company that you enjoy.

Hotmess101 · 01/02/2025 15:46

@SerenaVanDerW if it’s tomorrow night, you suggested it in the first place and he texted you back after 3hr, you might look slightly unhinged saying you’ve made alternate plans!! I was more thinking of saying the ‘made other plans’ thing if he tried worming his way back in after 24hr of radio silence or similar!

He hasn’t done anything too heinous yet in my (very well-thumbed!!) book, but just exercise a bit of caution and try not to give your heart away too quickly as he doesn’t appear to be fading away with love for you quite yet. Time will tell, go on the date, have fun, keep it light in your head and heart and always have the bin at the ready to chuck him in if he still seems half-arsed in a few weeks x

PennyApril54 · 01/02/2025 15:46

Are you not going until tomorrow night, Sunday? In that case I wouldn't worry. A bit of back and forth to make a rough plan then firming up arrangements later tonight/ tomorrow is absolutely fine. Try not to overthink it. If you're feeling a bit anxious later you could message a general 'how is your Sat going?' sort of thing x