He never replied

[SerenaVanDerW]

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

• Does he want me to book this?
• why hasn’t he replied?
• Does he still want to go tomorrow?
• does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
• I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?

any advice would be great!

Such weird behaviour if he's just chanted his mind. Dodged a bullet. Could be bothered dealing with someone like this. But it hurts I'm sure.

I can see a few reasons for this young man not to answer:

1. men are hunters: they can get initially excited when they find a wild bear in the woods shouting at them "hey, look at me, shoot me now please!", but it's just too easy so will loose interest. Sadly men tend to value things they need to fight for. He knows you're "game", and it won't be difficult for him so he puts you in the "back burner" and waits for a day he'll have nothing going on.

2. Control: He may be the controlling type, right now you're controlling the narrative by being heads on, inviting him to diner and picking places, he doesn't want you to control the narrative so he makes you wait for when it's appropriate for him and regain control. He wants to make you know who controls the situation here, and it's not you. I've dated a few of these, they're a nightmare.

3. He's not that into you: He has other "stuff" going on, maybe he's watching football game, waiting for another date to text him or for his mates to confirm getting together tonight. You're in the back of the queue and he either can't be bothered to reply or is too emotionally immature to text you with a grown up answer.

4. He's seeing someone else, chatting and getting all your attention during friends gatherings was flattering but going out with you on a "date" is a bit too much and may give you "the hopes".

5. He went out last night, had a few drinks, is watching telly, asleep, hung over and can't be bothered which takes us to "he's not that into you" territory again.

6. He's gay.

7. He fell inside a ditch last night, got into a car accident, ended up in his mates house drunk, lost his keys, got kidnapped by a Mexican gang, grandma had a heart attack, got arrested etc... (you fill in the blanks). He may pop up in a few days with some sorry excuse.

(Invested now 😂)

Maybe he thought you meant as a group?! I hope he's messaged you back by now, otherwise that's very immature. At least you tried, you never know unless you ask.

I agree. Why text back immediately saying Yes to meet up then went through booking waitlist then ignoring me. Strange.

Conclusion: pointless trying to guess why. Action speaks louder than words. Still no answer from him, I have my answer now.

Its common decency to text back, sorry can no longer make it. Time waster…

thanks everyone!

Nope. No reply.

I have my answer.

he thought as a group- yes a possibility . But why go through booking it last night (and find out waitlisted booking due to last minute. Few other places are fully booked. The act of booking requires you to put number of people)

Forgot to add:

8. You're not his physical type: As much as you guys "vibed" when meeting socially, his preference is for chubby blondes and you're a skinny brunette. Talking to you was a lot of fun, you're fun, friendly, have shared interests but unfortunately for you he's into chubby blondes.

@SerenaVanDerW what a shame. And so rude!

Even if he replies now I wouldn't respond.

@penelopelondon 🤣

Agree. Just assume its not happening. Don’t make arrangements for him. If he wants to see you he will book the restaurant and make the meeting happen. The more you do the less he will.

Did he misunderstand and thought it was a group thing. If he was descent he would have pointed this out! Style it out op hold your head high next time you see him. Double texting isn’t an issue for decent people!

Sorry OP, so strange after his initial interest, but agreed you'd have heard by now.

Argh OP, so frustrating!

I don’t think they’re anything wrong with double texting, and I think you did the right thing, as at least now you know and you’re not left wondering what to do.

So frustrating when this happens- he showed so much interest, was really keen and has now disappeared! Someone else you can vibe with EVEN BETTER will come along soon 😊

Genuine lols at the ‘vibing’ confusion earlier on in the thread. Even at 40ish I had to slightly adjust my old-o-meter as the sentence started part-way through 🧐 thus rendering it slightly less comprehensive. A few ‘lad’ and ‘fellow’ comments later really added to the virtual likeness of some hep young cat accidentally stumbling into a 1930s tea dance 😂

Anyway, vibing and waitlists (waiting list, pleeeease) aside, you sound like a lovely woman @SerenaVanDerW and at 26, fairly early on in your frog-kissing career unfortunately. Chuck this one back in mentally, don’t let him know he’s got to you, and now genuinely arrange something for tomorrow night or whenever the date was supposed to be so that you can’t weaken and give in if he texts you. If this was really all a big mistake on his part and he lost his phone/granny/marbles, he will pursue you right enough. Remember - you are always worth more than shoddy treatment x

A little bit of advice for you going forward, stop worrying about how your behaving. Double texting? Wft. If you want to know something ask him. If he doesn’t like the way you are then it’s not me at to be. If he’s flaky and not for you, you’ll soon find out. Just be straight and don’t play mind games about should I text? what does this mean?etc. Just be yourself and if he likes you great. Be bold and be upfront about everything. You’ll be grand. Otherwise you’re whole relationship starts of with you second guessing everything and trying to act in ways you think he will like. And that’s bollocks.

Double texting is not needy and desperate. You text him, he said he was up for a meal, so its perfectly fine for you to send another text in this scenario to check if the plans are still on .

It is looking like he's ghosted you, for whatever reason. Rejection hurts, but would you want to date someone like this? If he was really interested, he would have replied by now.

I know it's common for nouns to be used as verbs and I'm familiar with 'Good vibrations ', feeling the vibe etc. I guessed that 'vibing' was associated with these, but still can't fathom out what 'vibing ' means in the post. Does it mean she was enjoying interacting with the group? Getting good feelings about it? It seems strange that despite being asked several times, the OP doesn't seem to have given a clear answer. (I apologize if I've missed a relevant response.)

Other than the reference to going out to a restaurant, you both sound like you are in your early teens.

"double texting" and "vibing"... it sounds so immature

What a little shit for not getting back to you.

Unless he tells you he was in surgery getting his fingers reattached after a freak texting accident, don't entertain him again ❤️

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

He texted back. Go and see what happens

Go don't play games by saying you've made other arrangements, after all you asked him to go for dinner.

If you want to stop guessing then simply say you have made other plans. If he wants to see you separate from the group in a less casual and vibey way (no problem with the word or the verbing here it was fine) then he eill make the next move.

If he proactively arranges for an event: checks with you snd books it far enough in advance, showers, shaves, snd shows up then you have an inkling of an answer.

Dont ever waste time wondering if a guy is interested in you. I met my dh while serially dating 12 men. If a man is interested in you they will not let you leave the table without making a second date. If they cant make up their mind to pursue you then toss ‘em back. They aren’t ripe.

Hmmm...it depends on the tone of his message. Apologetic or a bit flippant?

I have very poor communication skills (most likely on the spectrum) and if someone said to me they were in agreement to go to a certain restaurant I wouldn’t bother texting back. To me the conversation is over

Only thing I would do is text back what time it had been booked for if no time had been discussed.

Personally I'd reply with, "sounds good. Meet you at X at Ypm"

I'd be treating this like a friend meet up. I wouldn't second guess confirming with a friend. You'll find out more about him tonight and it might explain the lag in replying