He never replied

[SerenaVanDerW]

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

• Does he want me to book this?
• why hasn’t he replied?
• Does he still want to go tomorrow?
• does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
• I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?

any advice would be great!

Good result.

I don't know what Gilmore Girls is and I can't be bothered to look it up. But I do know one thing: in adult world adults know how to stop pissing about even if it is just for a short period of time while important things are discussed.
So perhaps when it comes to agree the specifics of the date you two could momentarily drop the double entendres and do what we colloquially refer as getting shit done.
This bloke should have known better and the first thing he should have done when coming back to you is apologising for taking such a slack approach in coming back to you. Can you imagine going through this pain every time you want to meet him? Not ideal, is it? So cheeky fucker better up his fucking game if he wants to spend time with you. That is the kind of mentality that you need to start adopting pronto.
What I would do now is to get him to sort out the booking and tell him what time you are expecting to get picked up. Pass the responsibility onto him, communicate your expectations clear and let him move his arse. Naturally, the key is to do this in a lighthearted way and not dictatorial.

He went to the trouble of contacting four resturants to find out they were booked and were on the waiting list.
You took three hours to reply when he got back to you.. perhaps he was thinking all the things you were thinking.
Now people are saying its too short notice and cancel.

I didn't think your first reply to him was all that clear either. He suggested places and you said ‘sounds great, let’s try it’ and he didn’t reply. Maybe he was trying to find something that wasn't waitlisted or waiting to hear back from one or other of them. Or just busy.
I had to book a nice resturant for two different events recently and it took me AGES. Perhaps he was reluctant to suggest yet another waitlisted place.

This is just a communication malfunction. both of you need to be a lot clearer. Why worry about double texting etc. Of course you need to find out if its still on or not.
If you like him JUST GO.
You'll soon find out, if he's not that keen. Nothing ventured nothing gained!.
You've said you get on with him.. it probably won't be a complete disaster and then you can make a better judgement. Not based on texts, but on direct one to one conversation. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Make your judgement on facts, not text etiquette.

Oh good. Glad he messaged back. Yes go for it. It's just a date, you have nothing to lose.

This is like overhearing schoolgirls giggling on the bus!

Look, he texted back yes to your last text. So book a table for tomorrow night then text him back the reservation details with a cheery 'see you tomorrow night' then do not text again. Turn up nicely dressed but not OTT (don't look desperate, save something in case there's a second date!) tomorrow night and enjoy a friendly no pressure meal. Wait to see how it pans out, at worst, a nice relaxed dinner, at best, a potential new relationship.

Yes, certainly are some barmy ones. He replied three hours later but in this day and age it’s treated like it might as well have been three weeks later. Even if someone wanted to put in boundaries playing stupid games and lying is hardly a good example of that.

I say go for it and enjoy yourself! 3 hours is not a long time to reply. Also, feel free to double text! Be yourself and have fun.

If you play stupid games likes, I'm busy now because you didn't message back fast enough he'll think you're not interested anymore and move on. That's what I would do anyway!

If you review my previous posts I was crystal clear when I said that I wish the guy would reply at some point. For me, it's more important that OP enjoys themselves than that I win an argument.
However, I genuinely believe that by double texting you are already hinting at you are ok to let slide these misdemeanours very early on in a potential relationship. And that is a recipe for disaster.
It was blatantly obvious that OP was not enjoying radio silence so clearly some work is needed here.

@SerenaVanDerW
Have you 'phoned the restaurants that he said were booked or had a waitlist to see if that is the case?

I would send a message saying that you can't now go but if he's around the next weekend, then that would be good. See how his dry humour responds to that.

I've had this nonsense before. Unless he has given you a reason for his tardiness, a reason you believe, then I would proceed with caution. I

I don't like the sound of immediate responses and then , when you want to firm it up, he blows cold.

Jesus H Christ on a bike. Just go to the bloody restaurant and stop making this whole thing into such a drama. All he did was miss a text, he’s not playing mind games and neither should you. Grow up for god’s sake.

Another vote to go - and I hope you have a great evening with lovely food and lots of vibing and dry humour! Report back

Don't overthink it. Texting is a bit of a double edge sword because as it is sent and received instantly, we've got into a hamster wheel of expecting everyone to be on it all the time and to reply instantly – he might have been in the gym or whatever? You had a shower and a cuppa. It is going to be exhausting to carry on a relationship if you really need to be on hot standby every second or the person is just gonna dump you for it....

Oh, please stop these silly games, for goodness sake.
Do you really want OP lying ? Lies never lead to happy endings.
She has no other plans and it would be just bonkers to make up she does.
She likes this bloke so let's move forward. She just needs to get him to cut the crap and just book a bloody restaurant. But he must do it. Not her.

Go for it! Not everyone is the same on text, some people leave a gap, that's fine.

Why would she be lying? @ThatMerryReader
She might have plans to pick fluff from her belly button and paint her big toe blue.

There's no right or wrong answer, just opinions of what different people would do.

I would be checking the veracity of his restaurant 'phoning and I wouldn't be trotting along to a restaurant with a guy that was all for it, then was noticeably cool. It's a contrast in his behaviour and there are men who like to see how much they can get away with.

That is a truth universally acknowledged by women who have had experience of them.

Of course @SerenaVanDerW will do what is right for her but I would advise her whether she goes tomorrow or next week, to value herself, value her time and not present herself as a rag rub. Whatever she decides, I hope she has a good time.

The poor guy doesn't live on his phone, and somehow that's a crime! I hope the OP has a great date, and that they both have a laugh about the overthinking involved in simply booking a restaurant.

Book it and tell him you'll see him there. That way there's no need for any further messages or stressing about him not replying. But - assuming you're still interested after the date - let him make the next move. If he's keen, he will. Life's too short for half-hearted men.

Yeah I'd go for it, I think he's probably been busy or something. Not every is glued to their phone

Good grief, you youngsters and your refusal to pick up the phone and text instead. Back in my youthful days we had a landline, if we could afford one. Just call him. Then you'll know either way.

@ExpensiveBiscuits

In your previous post you said "I would send a message saying that you can't now go". That is the lie I was referring to as OP has not given any indication that is the case, quite the opposite in fact. She still wants to see him.

But she must take the necessary steps to make sure that this faff it's just a one-off.

3 hours later is not a big deal?! There’s plenty of things you can be busy doing where you don’t check your phone.

I’d put it back in his court though. I’d reply something like ‘ok great, let me know when you’ve booked it’. If he bothers to book it then he wants to go

I remember those golden old days where we used to ring each other.

What drama and game playing ( including the ‘tell him you can't go now) advice here.

No wonder so many people fail to build the relationships they clearly want to be part of!

Go! He wouldn’t look at restaurants if he didn’t care.
Have dinner, you’ll soon get a sense if he’s interested or not. I’m not great at texting back as I’m not glued to my phone, so don’t let that reflect badly on him.

Do not tell him you’ve made other plans unless you want to sound like a dramatic game player (because that is EXACTLY what that move is)

Why do people insist on making dating so overly complicated and stressful? Yes I know it’s shit and some men are dreadful, I’ve been there. But this guys cardinal sin was what? Having a busy Saturday morning? You yourself didn’t notice his message or reply for ages!

good GRIEF 😂

Does everyone just sit there glued to their phone?! It’s a Saturday afternoon, he’s probably out doing stuff. I often don’t check my phone for a few hours, I wouldn’t expect a friend to reply to me within a few hours either. It would be a bit different if the meal was tonight and you had no idea what time or where.

I think he sounds very keen, finding restaurants, etc. I don’t think there is any need for game playing and pretending you’re busy.