Page 15 | He never replied

SerenaVanDerW · 2025-02-01T11:20:39+00:00

26F. He’s 30. Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested. anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant. ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted. he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm. im sitting here thinking- - Does he want me to book this? - why hasn’t he replied? - Does he still want to go tomorrow? - does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind. - I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant? any advice would be great!

penelopelondon · 11/02/2025 23:02

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 22:58

Also… I’m not trying to cause drama. But he was all joking and flirty with me before the date. Then after that, went to ignore me and talked to other girls, which is fine, all good. No obligation from him. I know when I’m not wanted.

but then all of a sudden after ignoring me, texted me when he needs me ? For advice?

Exactly, that's why I suggested being straightforward, because he's giving you very mixed signals and confusing you so there's this "weird dance" between both. I would put my foot down and sweetly ask Johnny what he wants from me.

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/02/2025 23:04

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 22:58

Also… I’m not trying to cause drama. But he was all joking and flirty with me before the date. Then after that, went to ignore me and talked to other girls, which is fine, all good. No obligation from him. I know when I’m not wanted.

but then all of a sudden after ignoring me, texted me when he needs me ? For advice?

You just seem to gravitate to drama and convoluted he said,he did
So don’t answer the work related question and don’t keep revisiting or trying to add interpretation to innocuous social interaction. None of this is hard. Don’t make it hard.

Original poster

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 23:07

penelopelondon · 11/02/2025 23:02

Exactly, that's why I suggested being straightforward, because he's giving you very mixed signals and confusing you so there's this "weird dance" between both. I would put my foot down and sweetly ask Johnny what he wants from me.

Show quote history

I’m gonna leave it. Not chasing after anyone.

Gave him a bone dry reply about working late and busy so will reply when I can- something along the lines like that. he replied straight away with this exact text “It is no worries at all, absolutely no rush, take all the time you need”

Just wanted to update the tread and see what everyone thinks.

OP posts:

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/02/2025 23:13

You are not being asked to chase. No chase is required.
You’ll Leave it?There is nothing to leave. You two have the square root of zero
You had a disappointing zero chemistry date. No one fault, just no spark. Hey Ho
No further introspection required.

penelopelondon · 11/02/2025 23:17

@SerenaVanDerW I’m gonna leave it. Not chasing after anyone.

You're not chasing anyone, you're asking a question. I was once in your shoes with an English man so I asked him: " I'm a bit confused Henry, you keep sending me mixed signals, what do you want from me?" His answer: "I don't know, I'm confused too".

Pretty much settled the issue. I stopped answering his messages. We still bump into each other at social events, he has a GF, there's no harsh feeling whatsoever and we can perfectly hold a friendly conversation.

Original poster

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 23:32

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/02/2025 23:13

You are not being asked to chase. No chase is required.
You’ll Leave it?There is nothing to leave. You two have the square root of zero
You had a disappointing zero chemistry date. No one fault, just no spark. Hey Ho
No further introspection required.

I sadly have to disagree here.

Yes the date was not what I expected compared to usual get together. But I do actually like him. Hence me posting here.

He msg late at night in the past, joking with me with our inside jokes. Said things like, my parents would love to have you over and meet you. Agreed to meet up straight after I asked. Points to me he’s interested. Then after the date, went onto ignore me.

then now when he wants something, he calls on me.
so yea I’m going to leave it - leave it as in “not continue this silly dance”.

like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it. If you’re not feeling it, fine, all good. But don’t act like I don’t exist and ignore me and then when he needs or if he feels bored or lonely or whatever the reason is, text me when.

“nothing to leave” yes I know, I’m not blind, don’t need to tell me twice. I got rejected and took it head on. So yeh I got it.

in the past when I reject someone, I let them know by not initiate and showing them signs or just say let’s be friends. Not reach out to them after ignoring them.

OP posts:

healthybychristmas · 11/02/2025 23:37

Cheeky fucker asking you for work advice after ignoring you! He has got a brass neck.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 11/02/2025 23:43

He feels guilty and wants to see if things are ok between you.

I’d ignore him too. You don’t need to make him feel better about his bad behaviour.

DonnyBurrito · 11/02/2025 23:47

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 23:32

I sadly have to disagree here.

Yes the date was not what I expected compared to usual get together. But I do actually like him. Hence me posting here.

He msg late at night in the past, joking with me with our inside jokes. Said things like, my parents would love to have you over and meet you. Agreed to meet up straight after I asked. Points to me he’s interested. Then after the date, went onto ignore me.

then now when he wants something, he calls on me.
so yea I’m going to leave it - leave it as in “not continue this silly dance”.

like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it. If you’re not feeling it, fine, all good. But don’t act like I don’t exist and ignore me and then when he needs or if he feels bored or lonely or whatever the reason is, text me when.

“nothing to leave” yes I know, I’m not blind, don’t need to tell me twice. I got rejected and took it head on. So yeh I got it.

in the past when I reject someone, I let them know by not initiate and showing them signs or just say let’s be friends. Not reach out to them after ignoring them.

Show quote history

You like him... But there's no future. On top of that, he's also not asked to see you again and has blanked you.

You're in danger of limerance, OP. This is a cold dead fish, throw it back and cast a new line.

enkelt2 · 11/02/2025 23:47

OP I agree with you 100%. To be honest I won't even reply to the work question text.

Anewyearanewday · 12/02/2025 00:38

He enjoys flirting and is more than aware that you are interested in him romantically.

OP If he was interested in you romantically, he would leave you in no doubt that was the case.

Instead he is feeling awkward, possibly embarrassed but almost certainly will keep in touch with you ie flirting by text because few men will outright discard someone who they can beckon as and when it suits them and know that person will respond.

He isn't interested in you in the same way you are interested in him. That doesn't make him an awful person. I understand his hesitation about responding to your initial text. I kind of understand why he ignored you at a party (but this was still a rude and immature thing to do). But I do not agree with how, after ignoring you, he followed up with a text again. He's keeping you on the back burner as a potential booty call imo.

He will end up causing you needless anxiety and lowering self confidence. Instead of spending time worrying about this man, cut him loose and look for someone who does fancy and like you enough to want to spend time with you.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 01:42

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 23:32

I sadly have to disagree here.

Yes the date was not what I expected compared to usual get together. But I do actually like him. Hence me posting here.

He msg late at night in the past, joking with me with our inside jokes. Said things like, my parents would love to have you over and meet you. Agreed to meet up straight after I asked. Points to me he’s interested. Then after the date, went onto ignore me.

then now when he wants something, he calls on me.
so yea I’m going to leave it - leave it as in “not continue this silly dance”.

like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it. If you’re not feeling it, fine, all good. But don’t act like I don’t exist and ignore me and then when he needs or if he feels bored or lonely or whatever the reason is, text me when.

“nothing to leave” yes I know, I’m not blind, don’t need to tell me twice. I got rejected and took it head on. So yeh I got it.

in the past when I reject someone, I let them know by not initiate and showing them signs or just say let’s be friends. Not reach out to them after ignoring them.

Show quote history

Of course you disagree, you’re enjoying the he said,he did drama. You weren’t rejected,you had no a no chemistry date. Zillch. He did not reject you because you weren’t established as a thing.You are literally need to let this go. Youre making contradictory statements. like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it Ok, really think about that, it’s at the core of you’re misunderstanding. It was a zero chemistry date, he is not romantically interested, he’s not compelled to follow up on it. Or Act like a man whatever that means . Did you expect he make moves, is that acting like a man?

He asked a work related question. That is not romantically reaching out, he’s not sending you a coded message. Sound like he’s just appropriately cordial and happened to ask an innocuous work related question . You’ve however got this entangled as he’s hot and cold and proof of rejection.

You are disappointed that your date didn’t go as expected and are stuck reexamining it,stuck and revisiting the he said,he did. Now you’re over reading everything. Again

Bubblyb00b · 12/02/2025 06:47

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 01:42

Of course you disagree, you’re enjoying the he said,he did drama. You weren’t rejected,you had no a no chemistry date. Zillch. He did not reject you because you weren’t established as a thing.You are literally need to let this go. Youre making contradictory statements. like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it Ok, really think about that, it’s at the core of you’re misunderstanding. It was a zero chemistry date, he is not romantically interested, he’s not compelled to follow up on it. Or Act like a man whatever that means . Did you expect he make moves, is that acting like a man?

He asked a work related question. That is not romantically reaching out, he’s not sending you a coded message. Sound like he’s just appropriately cordial and happened to ask an innocuous work related question . You’ve however got this entangled as he’s hot and cold and proof of rejection.

You are disappointed that your date didn’t go as expected and are stuck reexamining it,stuck and revisiting the he said,he did. Now you’re over reading everything. Again

Show quote history

I disagree regarding work text. Based on my experience, and I had quite a lot, this is his attempt to check what the situation is, whether he can reset the relationship to how it was before the date. It is safe for him as its a work related question, so he doesn't need to discuss the situation, but also a way to gauge OPs reaction and work out how to proceed.

OP, I think this guy simply enjoyed the text flirting, and perhaps overestimated his interest in you. Once he had an actual date, he realised he is not that interested/ doesn't want/ cant have a relationship with you. Then he acted all aloof as he was worried/ scared you will be thinking there is something between you two and he did not want that. Him flirting with other girls was a way to show you he is not interested. And afterwards, perhaps he felt bad/ missed your text interactions so he sent that work message. If you would have replied in a friendly manner, at best, it would all be back to how it was before the date - or, he would have gone quiet after your friendly reply - as often with these guys, he would be after a sign that you are still nice to him, to stroke his ego - not the actual conversation.

Basically, this guy is emotionally immature and probably doesn't know himself what he wants. Otherwise, he would not have acted like a teenager.

H112 · 12/02/2025 08:03

I never text a man twice, unless he's my boyfriend. If my bf now goes 5 mins without relying I'd assume there was an accident lol it's nice having someone else put in more effort for a change lol

Also when dating, if a guy didn't text back for 2 hours I'd normally leave them waiting for double that. You owe them nothing

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 08:27

Bubblyb00b · 12/02/2025 06:47

I disagree regarding work text. Based on my experience, and I had quite a lot, this is his attempt to check what the situation is, whether he can reset the relationship to how it was before the date. It is safe for him as its a work related question, so he doesn't need to discuss the situation, but also a way to gauge OPs reaction and work out how to proceed.

OP, I think this guy simply enjoyed the text flirting, and perhaps overestimated his interest in you. Once he had an actual date, he realised he is not that interested/ doesn't want/ cant have a relationship with you. Then he acted all aloof as he was worried/ scared you will be thinking there is something between you two and he did not want that. Him flirting with other girls was a way to show you he is not interested. And afterwards, perhaps he felt bad/ missed your text interactions so he sent that work message. If you would have replied in a friendly manner, at best, it would all be back to how it was before the date - or, he would have gone quiet after your friendly reply - as often with these guys, he would be after a sign that you are still nice to him, to stroke his ego - not the actual conversation.

Basically, this guy is emotionally immature and probably doesn't know himself what he wants. Otherwise, he would not have acted like a teenager.

Edited

Show quote history

Immature? Well I bet he’s not churning himself up and revisiting one date on mumsnet. Sure, pin it on him. Op Waste more time fretting & unpicking any subsequent contact he has with her to confirm the predetermined answer she’s arrived at. Make a playlist call it rejection.

Glassofeau · 12/02/2025 08:34

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penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 08:38

Looks like she got rejected and he's sheepishly sending her a message to make sure he's not mad at him and they can "go back to where they were". Not the most mature lad but hey ho.

ViciousCurrentBun · 12/02/2025 08:42

@Comedycook Language changes, I could work it out and I’m almost 59. What older posters won’t get possibly is that multi dating and faffing about is rife in the world of younger folk when it comes to dating. It’s confusing really and there are many levels of dating now and even cheating. Talking, dates, exclusive and then BF/GF apparently. Plus they call it micro cheating when there is flirting by liking posts and msg a bit too much that can tumble in to flirting. I have younger online gaming mates plus there are some young in their twenties people,that volunteer with me. So whilst it seems the op is over thinking and it seems a bit odd the world of dating is so ridiculously complicated now. I liked it when it was ,will you go out with me? and it was the only one you dated from day one unless you were a (outdated offensive term) that the old uns will know.

Hotmess101 · 12/02/2025 08:55

@Zone2NorthLondon you come across as really nasty.

BumpandBounce · 12/02/2025 09:01

Why are you still dissecting everything?!

You flirted with each other, it was fun. You went on a date and there was no chemistry. He saw you in a social setting and it was a bit awkward. He’s now sent you a work related message but isn’t flirting with you any more. Why do you think that is? Could it possibly be because there’s no chemistry and he doesn’t fancy you any more?

What’s happened is perfectly normal when you date people you work or socialise with. Grow up and get over it. Why all this obsessing and analysing?

Nationsss · 12/02/2025 09:08

OP, I simply wouldn't reply.
Some guys are very full of themselves and think double texting means you are mad about them and they lose the run of themselves.

He's bored and maybe checking in to see if you are still on the hook/interested after ignoring you.

There are a cohort on MN that like to kick any OP with any confusion re dating and heaven forbid they try to behave with either self respect and dignity.

Dating may have changed but men haven't, they like to chase.
Don't double text, don't chase.

If a guy likes you, is interesting in you, you are NEVER confused.

Confusion comes from them simply not being that bothered but maybe thinking you might be an option if they are bored.

You will save yourself so much energy and time if you learn that.

penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 09:25

@BumpandBounce Why all this obsessing and analysing?

Because if you go through the OP's posts you would realise this man has been giving her some very mixed signals which would leave anyone in her shoes confused. It's a clear "rejection" but I can understand her confusion. On top of rejecting her (which would hurt anyone)he has the nerve to send her a "work" message to make sure she's not hating him and satisfy his ego. He's a bit of an immature prick and it's good the OP found out after date 1 and not after a kid and a mortgage.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/02/2025 09:43

Hotmess101 · 12/02/2025 08:55

@Zone2NorthLondon you come across as really nasty.

Nah i actually agree. Yeah he's been a dick, he's not interested, yet OP is still clinging on. Maybe she needs some harsh words to get through to her

Glassofeau · 12/02/2025 09:55

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Dery · 12/02/2025 09:55

I’m sorry you’ve had this disappointment, OP – most of us have been there – I certainly have. But I don’t think anyone’s done anything really wrong here.

OP – good for you for taking the step to ask him out. Nothing wrong with that. But the date was, ultimately, disappointing. He initiated the bill twice – unless he had to be somewhere then he was communicating that he wanted to bring it to an end. He isn’t feeling it. And that’s fine. It was one date. He doesn’t owe you a heart to heart over it any more than you would if the position were the other way round. He is telling you he’s not interested in taking it further – he’s doing this by not suggesting a further date and by showing an interest in other women when you and he had an opportunity to catch up socially. I really don’t think he is cynically keeping you on a backburner by not saying in words that he’s not interested in taking it further. He’s made that loud and clear through his behaviour and he may not think you particularly want to be told in words that he’s not interested. It would have been far more confusing if he had flirted with you determinedly at the party but not asked you out again and he didn’t do that. The work message is probably an attempt to take you back to a place where you can interact socially.

Chalk it up to experience, OP, and move on. IME, with men actions tell you far more than words. Don’t attach too much importance to pretty words, flirtatious talk etc - look at what they actually do.