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Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
MissJoGrant · 01/02/2025 12:52

JulianFawcettMP · 01/02/2025 12:07

Oh honestly, these perceived rules are ridiculous. Just ask. You don't have to sit back and it's hardly desperate. If it goes well you will have plenty of chances to play stupid games of that's what you want..

This is sensible advice.

JeMapellePing · 01/02/2025 12:56

I think you have done the right thing; and probs that he hasn't replied = no thanks, after all. (He might be playing football / rugby / running a marathon, but otherwise 1.5 hours is enough time to respond.) REALLY glad you texted him though because ya, the don't double text rule is just silly.

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 12:59

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 12:50

Ok thanks everyone. took everyone’s advice and I texted him.

I texted him “ are we still on for tomorrow for dinner? Shall we try Y or Z restaurant instead?”

no response yet. It’s only been 1.5 hour. I’ll keep you all posted.

thanks for all your advice. I personally wouldnt care if a guy double texted me, I welcome it actually. However, I was told guys don’t like when a girl does that as it’s ‘needy’ or ‘desperate’

However I hardly ever ask a guy out. Not because a guy has to ask a girl out non sense but I have literally no success ever if I initiate. When guys ask me out, I have more success in securing a date (or subsequent dates after that).

"It's been only 1.5 hours"

Oh sweet summer child...
Do you do that? When a friend of yours suggests to go out for dinner, do you ignore the messages TWICE ? Probably not. So why should be this any different? It's Saturday afternoon, he is not working (I guess) and he has read the message because...we all do read most of the messages as they arrive (especially if this is someone you were "vibing" with).
But, hey, maybe I am wrong and he is counting the minutes to see you and he has not replied yet because....aliens or something.
I do hope he comes back and you have a lovely time causing me to become the dunce of the thread. But I would not bet on it.

Lurkingandlearning · 01/02/2025 13:01

Agree with @ThatMerryReader

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:07

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 12:59

"It's been only 1.5 hours"

Oh sweet summer child...
Do you do that? When a friend of yours suggests to go out for dinner, do you ignore the messages TWICE ? Probably not. So why should be this any different? It's Saturday afternoon, he is not working (I guess) and he has read the message because...we all do read most of the messages as they arrive (especially if this is someone you were "vibing" with).
But, hey, maybe I am wrong and he is counting the minutes to see you and he has not replied yet because....aliens or something.
I do hope he comes back and you have a lovely time causing me to become the dunce of the thread. But I would not bet on it.

Edited
Show quote history

Ok, I see your point. Likely a rejection then.

Well I’m gonna try and take it as a champ (even though I don’t feel it like now, I feel absolutely terrible now. Not anyone’s fault of course).

it’s just he got my hopes up when he replied yes with an exclamation point within 30 seconds of me asking him for food.

then went through restaurant suggestions and bookings and then nothing.

honestly I feel like guys are from a different planet. At least have the guts to text me back and say, I can no longer make it , instead of saying yes then radio silent or ghosting. I think it’s quite immature.

OP posts:
PilatesPeach · 01/02/2025 13:14

Comedycook · 01/02/2025 11:51

Vibing recently through a new friend group

Gosh, I must be getting old....

me too!

Waterboatlass · 01/02/2025 13:16

Ok but the thing about messaging to confirm is that you know for sure if there's no reply. No 'maybe he was running a marathon' in your mind.

You've not lost any dignity in asking for confirmation, totally normal bit of administration.

He doesn't reply, you know to move on. His loss.

If you kept going, that would be debasing but you haven't and aren't going to. Trying to confirm a half made plan isn't something you need to skip around for fear of looking too keen. On the contrary, you have other possibilities for the weekend so need to rule him out if he's not interested.

In future I would keep first dates simple, a drink or local restaurant. Doesn't have to be the coolest spot in town. All this trying to get a table is a load of unnecessary fuss.

Waterboatlass · 01/02/2025 13:17

Oh come on, surely 'vibe' is 60s slang if not jazz age.

Moresettingsplease · 01/02/2025 13:19

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 12:39

He’s 30. You’re 26. You’re both adults now. Fck it any texting games.

Book a (the?) restaurant - text him the booking and say see you there!

(If he makes excuses, go with a friend and forget this 30yr old man child).

Edited
Show quote history

This

PilatesPeach · 01/02/2025 13:19

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:07

Ok, I see your point. Likely a rejection then.

Well I’m gonna try and take it as a champ (even though I don’t feel it like now, I feel absolutely terrible now. Not anyone’s fault of course).

it’s just he got my hopes up when he replied yes with an exclamation point within 30 seconds of me asking him for food.

then went through restaurant suggestions and bookings and then nothing.

honestly I feel like guys are from a different planet. At least have the guts to text me back and say, I can no longer make it , instead of saying yes then radio silent or ghosting. I think it’s quite immature.

Show quote history

OP leave it is my advice. Even if he texts back I would be inclined to say "oh 've made other plans now" - don't say "sorry I've made other plans" nor add "as I didn't hear from you"
You are important and you do not need to hand your personal power to anyone else. Whatever the reason, he has not replied and you are not there just to be picked up if and when he does bother to reply.
I say this as someone now in my 50s who spent many years overthinking, wondering, be available, flexible, forgiving or even desperate. If he wanted to, he would.
Do not let him know this even bothered you. He is an option at most. I say this kindly to you but you sound lovely and he is the one missing out, not the other way round.

penelopelondon · 01/02/2025 13:28

If he texts me after 3:00 pm I would send a vague response in the lines of: "sorry, didn't hear from you so made other plans. x" . Do not engage in more explanations.

He doesn't sound too interested OP.

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 13:29

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:07

Ok, I see your point. Likely a rejection then.

Well I’m gonna try and take it as a champ (even though I don’t feel it like now, I feel absolutely terrible now. Not anyone’s fault of course).

it’s just he got my hopes up when he replied yes with an exclamation point within 30 seconds of me asking him for food.

then went through restaurant suggestions and bookings and then nothing.

honestly I feel like guys are from a different planet. At least have the guts to text me back and say, I can no longer make it , instead of saying yes then radio silent or ghosting. I think it’s quite immature.

Show quote history

I am sorry you are feeling a bit dejected at the moment. But this is a lesson that you needed to learn, and the sooner it happens to you the better.
The moment he willingly decided to not to reply your last message last night, he was sending a very clear message that he feels he can afford to be rude.
Next time, (yeah, lovely, there will be more times), make sure you don't fall for this kind of nonsense.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 13:29

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:07

Ok, I see your point. Likely a rejection then.

Well I’m gonna try and take it as a champ (even though I don’t feel it like now, I feel absolutely terrible now. Not anyone’s fault of course).

it’s just he got my hopes up when he replied yes with an exclamation point within 30 seconds of me asking him for food.

then went through restaurant suggestions and bookings and then nothing.

honestly I feel like guys are from a different planet. At least have the guts to text me back and say, I can no longer make it , instead of saying yes then radio silent or ghosting. I think it’s quite immature.

Show quote history

It / he definitely is immature. Lots of men are. Look on it as a positive, a learning experience. A lucky escape.

When you know you know, and it’s easy. It’ll happen. x

Comedycook · 01/02/2025 13:33

I do feel sorry for young women nowadays....I remember the good old days when men chased you and were thrilled if you were willing to spend time with them. What's going on nowadays?

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 13:34

PilatesPeach · 01/02/2025 13:14

me too!

Show quote history

Have you really never heard of "a vibe"? The Beach Boys' "Good vibrations"? "Creating a good vibe" or somewhere "having a good vibe"? I would have thought it is obvious that "vibing" is derived from this. It is not uncommon to turn nouns into verbs in modern speech.

I'm surprised that posters are having problems understanding this expression. Nothing to do with being old or not. Common use of "vibe" in this context comes from the 1960s.

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 13:37

I am glad you texted him, OP, as now you don't have to waste any more time on him. I would give him a couple of hours as he might be out doing something on a Saturday afternoon and not looking at his phone (like sports or similar), but if you haven't heard from him by, say, 4pm, then you move on, make other plans, and are not available.

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:38

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 13:29

It / he definitely is immature. Lots of men are. Look on it as a positive, a learning experience. A lucky escape.

When you know you know, and it’s easy. It’ll happen. x

Show quote history

It = referring to the act of ghosting is quite immature -yes

OP posts:
AgnesX · 01/02/2025 13:39

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 12:50

Ok thanks everyone. took everyone’s advice and I texted him.

I texted him “ are we still on for tomorrow for dinner? Shall we try Y or Z restaurant instead?”

no response yet. It’s only been 1.5 hour. I’ll keep you all posted.

thanks for all your advice. I personally wouldnt care if a guy double texted me, I welcome it actually. However, I was told guys don’t like when a girl does that as it’s ‘needy’ or ‘desperate’

However I hardly ever ask a guy out. Not because a guy has to ask a girl out non sense but I have literally no success ever if I initiate. When guys ask me out, I have more success in securing a date (or subsequent dates after that).

From the outside point of view you offered, you've double checked his acceptance just to clarify.

If there's no response, it's rude on his part but there's no shame on yours.

Fingers crossed!

crimsonlake · 01/02/2025 13:40

I am sorry he is giving you the runaround, take the power back. If he gets back to you later I would simply say sorry you have made other arrangements tonight.
Don't be anyones fall back plans, you deserve better.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 01/02/2025 13:42

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 13:38

It = referring to the act of ghosting is quite immature -yes

Show quote history

I know.

It - the act of ghosting, is extremely immature.

He - is immature for playing text games then ghosting.

Onwards and upwards.

Dreammouse · 01/02/2025 13:42

I agree with others, if he does respond later just say as you didn't hear back you made plans. There's not really anything he was likely busy with which he couldn't spend 20 seconds sending a message.

CarliLove35 · 01/02/2025 13:44

Don't text again. If he doesn't reply, then you've dodged a bullet, because a flaky guy is no catch.

Blusterylimp · 01/02/2025 13:48

ThatMerryReader · 01/02/2025 12:59

"It's been only 1.5 hours"

Oh sweet summer child...
Do you do that? When a friend of yours suggests to go out for dinner, do you ignore the messages TWICE ? Probably not. So why should be this any different? It's Saturday afternoon, he is not working (I guess) and he has read the message because...we all do read most of the messages as they arrive (especially if this is someone you were "vibing" with).
But, hey, maybe I am wrong and he is counting the minutes to see you and he has not replied yet because....aliens or something.
I do hope he comes back and you have a lovely time causing me to become the dunce of the thread. But I would not bet on it.

Edited
Show quote history

If that’s the case then why can’t he just say no. What is wrong with people these days? I despair

PilatesPeach · 01/02/2025 13:58

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 13:34

Have you really never heard of "a vibe"? The Beach Boys' "Good vibrations"? "Creating a good vibe" or somewhere "having a good vibe"? I would have thought it is obvious that "vibing" is derived from this. It is not uncommon to turn nouns into verbs in modern speech.

I'm surprised that posters are having problems understanding this expression. Nothing to do with being old or not. Common use of "vibe" in this context comes from the 1960s.

Show quote history

yes I have heard of it before but not in the context in which the Op used it - as in vibing with someone. Even grammar check queries the use of it as a verb. You'll see I was not the only one who said this and you will also see that we are more laughing at ourselves for not knowing that this was now common parlance. Thanks.

Zonder · 01/02/2025 14:14

sonjadog · 01/02/2025 13:34

Have you really never heard of "a vibe"? The Beach Boys' "Good vibrations"? "Creating a good vibe" or somewhere "having a good vibe"? I would have thought it is obvious that "vibing" is derived from this. It is not uncommon to turn nouns into verbs in modern speech.

I'm surprised that posters are having problems understanding this expression. Nothing to do with being old or not. Common use of "vibe" in this context comes from the 1960s.

Show quote history

Of course we have heard of a very be and good vibrations. But words these days aren't always used as you would expect so it wasn't obvious what OP was talking about. Now we know. Sick, as the young 'uns say, using a word to mean something different from what us oldies would expect.