Page 16 | He never replied

SerenaVanDerW · 2025-02-01T11:20:39+00:00

26F. He’s 30. Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested. anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant. ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted. he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm. im sitting here thinking- - Does he want me to book this? - why hasn’t he replied? - Does he still want to go tomorrow? - does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind. - I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant? any advice would be great!

penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 10:06

@SerenaVanDerW The reason I asked was because -1) he showed signals like joking say be his plus one to an event 2) joking say his parents would love to meet me

He did give the OP mixed signals, but as the above poster stated :"It's actions that count, not the words", and his actions are quite crystal clear.

Nofrogslegs · 12/02/2025 10:48

Just reply to his work question. He’s clearly trying to get back to where you were pre lunch date. The date didn’t work out, that’s fine. You both tried it and it didn’t work out. Neither of you have done anything wrong.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends since you are in the same friendship group. Don’t make it awkward for everyone going forward by continuing to play games and not answering a simple text - it’ll make you look like you care more than you should (and a bit immature) over one date that wasn’t disastrous, just didn’t have the ending you wanted. It happens. Chalk it down to experience and let it go or the awkwardness at group get togethers will continue. It would be a shame for you to lose out on friend group get togethers because you can’t get past him just not being that interested in taking it further

wrongthinker · 12/02/2025 13:33

SerenaVanDerW · 11/02/2025 23:32

I sadly have to disagree here.

Yes the date was not what I expected compared to usual get together. But I do actually like him. Hence me posting here.

He msg late at night in the past, joking with me with our inside jokes. Said things like, my parents would love to have you over and meet you. Agreed to meet up straight after I asked. Points to me he’s interested. Then after the date, went onto ignore me.

then now when he wants something, he calls on me.
so yea I’m going to leave it - leave it as in “not continue this silly dance”.

like don’t flirt and step over the line if you’re not gonna act like a man and follow up on it. If you’re not feeling it, fine, all good. But don’t act like I don’t exist and ignore me and then when he needs or if he feels bored or lonely or whatever the reason is, text me when.

“nothing to leave” yes I know, I’m not blind, don’t need to tell me twice. I got rejected and took it head on. So yeh I got it.

in the past when I reject someone, I let them know by not initiate and showing them signs or just say let’s be friends. Not reach out to them after ignoring them.

Show quote history

Whatever this was, it was over the moment he stopped messaging back and you ended up double-texting. Going on the date was a mistake (understandable, we all ignore red flags when we like someone.) The date was obviously rubbish for both of you, and understandably he's not been in touch since.

I actually think you could just put this down to experience. You know now if a man's interested in you, you won't have to chase him. You and this guy are still on friendly terms and can be in the same room with mutual friends, but you know there's no romantic future. It's a pretty good outcome, really.

Bubblyb00b · 12/02/2025 14:23

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 08:27

Immature? Well I bet he’s not churning himself up and revisiting one date on mumsnet. Sure, pin it on him. Op Waste more time fretting & unpicking any subsequent contact he has with her to confirm the predetermined answer she’s arrived at. Make a playlist call it rejection.

Show quote history

Of course it is immature. They went on the date, he obviously wasn't that smitten, but was not able to say so and instead acted like a complete wanker, ignoring OP and demonstratively flirting with others so she "gets the message" he is not interested.

Any mature person would have guts to say that no, they are not going to be going out together. And act in a civil, polite matter. Its not that hard.

As for OP asking questions - its hard to get your head around mind fuckery if you never come across it before.

Glassofeau · 12/02/2025 14:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 12/02/2025 16:47

Bubblyb00b · 12/02/2025 14:23

Of course it is immature. They went on the date, he obviously wasn't that smitten, but was not able to say so and instead acted like a complete wanker, ignoring OP and demonstratively flirting with others so she "gets the message" he is not interested.

Any mature person would have guts to say that no, they are not going to be going out together. And act in a civil, polite matter. Its not that hard.

As for OP asking questions - its hard to get your head around mind fuckery if you never come across it before.

Show quote history

Oh dear.
OLD has become a minefield. Texting etc has its downside.

In the 'Old' days (40 years ago) a guy might/would say 'I'll call you' after a date. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't.

(I'm still waiting for one to call me from 40 years ago 😂)

And one will still be waiting for me to call!

Maybe it is immature - being polite you might text and say 'Sorry but don't want to take it further...all the best'

But no one should expect that. Silence is sometimes all you get. That's how it goes. No one really owes you anything after one/two dates.

But- seriously to be upset is over reacting IMO.

penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 17:08

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 12/02/2025 16:47

Oh dear.
OLD has become a minefield. Texting etc has its downside.

In the 'Old' days (40 years ago) a guy might/would say 'I'll call you' after a date. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't.

(I'm still waiting for one to call me from 40 years ago 😂)

And one will still be waiting for me to call!

Maybe it is immature - being polite you might text and say 'Sorry but don't want to take it further...all the best'

But no one should expect that. Silence is sometimes all you get. That's how it goes. No one really owes you anything after one/two dates.

But- seriously to be upset is over reacting IMO.

Show quote history

c'mon... a bit more compassion, we all get upset when rejected 😡 specially if you like the guy and went on a date. Give the OP some space to feel dissapointed. This too.. shall pass 😀

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 18:32

One lunch date. Weeks ago. No chemistry.Zilch. All this handwringing & hyperbole is unnecessary and creates drama from a simple disappointment. You know sometimes people just don’t have that spark that progresses them from friendship to being a couple. In this instance, this was the case he’s not obliged to make romantic overtures or to act like a man and follow up as op put it.

clearly he wasn’t feeling it and that’s fair enough. Weeks on to still be ruminating and thinking all the what if and he said he did it really is disproportionate and unnecessary.

It suggests a certain level of immaturity or lends itself to over attachment style and being bonded to a man without contextual cues. He has not led her on, he didn’t say they were a thing, it was apparent after the date that there was no chemistry. Ruminating and posting weeks later , talking about rejection weeks later, come on!

Keep this up and it’s the path to maudlin misery and limerance ➡️➡️➡️
The emotional rollercoaster departing platform 2 will call all stops to limerance, calling at one date, rejection, and text message central. Terminating at limerance

penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 19:00

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 18:32

One lunch date. Weeks ago. No chemistry.Zilch. All this handwringing & hyperbole is unnecessary and creates drama from a simple disappointment. You know sometimes people just don’t have that spark that progresses them from friendship to being a couple. In this instance, this was the case he’s not obliged to make romantic overtures or to act like a man and follow up as op put it.

clearly he wasn’t feeling it and that’s fair enough. Weeks on to still be ruminating and thinking all the what if and he said he did it really is disproportionate and unnecessary.

It suggests a certain level of immaturity or lends itself to over attachment style and being bonded to a man without contextual cues. He has not led her on, he didn’t say they were a thing, it was apparent after the date that there was no chemistry. Ruminating and posting weeks later , talking about rejection weeks later, come on!

Keep this up and it’s the path to maudlin misery and limerance ➡️➡️➡️
The emotional rollercoaster departing platform 2 will call all stops to limerance, calling at one date, rejection, and text message central. Terminating at limerance

You sound like the life of the party 🎈

Bubblyb00b · 12/02/2025 19:33

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 12/02/2025 16:47

Oh dear.
OLD has become a minefield. Texting etc has its downside.

In the 'Old' days (40 years ago) a guy might/would say 'I'll call you' after a date. Sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't.

(I'm still waiting for one to call me from 40 years ago 😂)

And one will still be waiting for me to call!

Maybe it is immature - being polite you might text and say 'Sorry but don't want to take it further...all the best'

But no one should expect that. Silence is sometimes all you get. That's how it goes. No one really owes you anything after one/two dates.

But- seriously to be upset is over reacting IMO.

Show quote history

But he didn't just ghost her? That would be crap but sort of understandable. He literally ignored her in person, very well knowing she would not know why. Kind of different level of crap altogether.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 21:08

penelopelondon · 12/02/2025 19:00

You sound like the life of the party 🎈

Show quote history

I’m not playing the rejected playlist churned up about a guy I had 1 lunch date with weeks ago.

ThatMerryReader · 12/02/2025 21:32

OP, you have been played. This guy knows what he is doing.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/02/2025 21:56

ThatMerryReader · 12/02/2025 21:32

OP, you have been played. This guy knows what he is doing.

Played in what way?They had one zero chemistry date, He didn’t mislead her. no intimacy. no promises. They simply didn’t click and that’s ok it happens. no big deal, move on