He never replied

[SerenaVanDerW]

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

• Does he want me to book this?
• why hasn’t he replied?
• Does he still want to go tomorrow?
• does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
• I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?

any advice would be great!

I know what you are saying Alicespringseverywhere , you have valid points , it’s just why go for dessert? As in , he knows Op is interested , so if he isn’t interested wouldn’t he just go home .. I don’t know, maybe I read into things wrong aswel …
I think I’m right though , ask straight out ..
At least you won’t be going around tormented then ..
You’ ll know straight out …
As in , I know what you mean a man will move heaven & earth to be with you, sometimes it can be a bit more complicated though..
I am basing all this down to him not going home when OP was going for dessert though 😂

Do people honestly worry about double texting or initiating the text? Maybe I am going wrong somewhere. That's way too much stress about a text.

*@AliceSpringsEverywhere
*
*Flozle
Don't think it was ever a verb, though.

A 'vibe' is a feeling. It's not something one does.

Remember the song 'Good Vibrations' (Beach Boys.)*

Yes, that was my point.

@AliceSpringsEverywhere

"*A 'vibe' is a feeling. It's not something one does.

Remember the song 'Good Vibrations' (Beach Boys.)*"

Yes that was my point.

No idea why my emboldened type isn't showing.

*update

I’m currently at my friends get together, but gonna leave early because the vibe is off. Need to reserve a bit of my dignity too.

He’s here. But something is off. He didn’t say hello to me (he usually immediately says hi and how are you etc). Feel like he is purposely avoiding starting a conversation with me. Well I’m avoiding initiating because I initiated the date. Ball was in his court.

Anyway, a girl is sitting really close to him and they’re just chatting and I think the girl is meant to leave but stayed because they are chatting.

He involved me a small conversation but that was it.

Feel like so ashamed of being rejected.

I feel like maybe he just likes to be really friendly to girls…

I don't think you did anything wrong Op.

You get on, you like him, asked him out but it didn't work.

Happened to me.

We did an activity, got on really well there, went on a date but it just wasn't right.

Still friends more than 30yrs later.

Missed your update Op.

If you are trying to avoid each other it will feel odd though.

I wouldn't leave on his account.

Are there others to talk to?

I’m disappointed he has shown himself to be a complete twat. You don’t have anything to feel ashamed about OP, he isn’t good enough for you anyway 😀

You did nothing wrong, OP. He's the one who should feel ashamed of himself for being such a twat.

I was one of the people saying to not go on the date because he had already shown you he wasn't interested by airing your texts. I know a lot of other commenters encouraged you to overlook that, but I hope that what you take from this is a renewed commitment to your own boundaries and how you would like to be treated by a potential partner. If you are confused and anxious then that's a big red flag.

That's a hard lesson but it will serve you well in your future dating adventures. I always really liked Matthew Husseys dating advice, too - raise your standards to find your person.

Yes I’m talking to others but I’m sitting around as a big group and he’s like joking and addressing other people in the group except me. Small number of people are chatting and doing their own thing.

he did very very briefly involve me in one tiny tiny conversation but that’s about it.

Just feel like he’s hot and cold.

that’s why I wanna leave.

The actual ‘date’ was nice, pleasant, no red flags, very ‘safe’ that’s why I don’t get why he’s avoiding me.

He's avoiding you because he's not interested in you and he's not mature enough to be honest about it. He thinks you're super into him and doesn't know how to handle it. He also probably doesn't want to completely put you off in case he decides to pick things up with you later.

Just ignore him - talk to others, join in conversations as you usually would. Be polite and friendly if he speaks to you but don't make any special effort. You really have done nothing wrong.

Pick things up with me later? I thought he’s not interested…?

and if he’s not interested, that’s fine but why say yes to lunch and why say yes to milkshake (ie dessert) and sat with me for another hour when he could have just gone home.

This is what happened. You surrender your mental frame the moment you double texted and he is capitalising on that.

This sounds like a game…

im gonna leave the game.

Don’t let him chase you out of the group! This is a good chance to really change the way you deal with conflict/mixed signals/weird social shit. Just paste an amused smile on your face or keep one on internally and remind yourself that you gave him a chance and there was no spark so you dropped it. He didn’t reject you—you gave him a bite and tossed him. That is what happened and all that anyone need know.

Look. You chased him. He wasn't into it. However, he now knows he can have you if he wants you. So he may decide to keep you around in case he needs some attention or validation.

Agree with pp. Just look mildly amused by the whole situation and don't give him another thought.

This is so mean. The OP didn’t chase him and she has perfectly fine boundaries so if he thinks he can have her when he wants then he is mistaken. I dont understand why you are trying to make her feel that she has behaved inappropriately when it is him playing games.

Forget him OP ..
If this is the craic at the party , no he’s not interested..
Sorry , if I put into your head that he must be if he didn’t go home & went for dessert, if I was in your shoes , that would have been what I thought x
Anyway , you know now ..
Stay at party though xx

I would focus my energy on other people in the gathering. Or just leave.

He probably liked the attention when he met with you one on one. Had some spare time. Thought of you as a friend. Who knows? And you paid for yourself, no?

If on the very slim chance he's playing some game, well, I think it's just not worth it.

Never ask guys out, don’t text them first and don’t suggest or plan. Most times it’ll just end badly if you do those things as it has here. Ignore him

Apologies if it comes across as mean. I was trying to represent his mindset (not mine), in answer to OP's question.

As I've said a couple of times now, OP has done nothing wrong and she should hold her head high. Don't let him push her out of her friend group.

Live and learn, lovely.
Don't be too harsh on yourself.

Ok. I had missed this post sorry.
He is negging you. This is a tactic that men utilise to undermine a woman's self-steem. Look it up.
Yes, I agree with your other post. He is gaming you.
Everything he's done has been carefully thought. Whether it happened on a conscious or subconscious level we don't know.
He left the message read on purpose on Friday, knowing you'd see the message and wonder you would not reply.
Same thing on Saturday morning.
Then the mixed signals on Sunday and Today.
He is doing all these things because he wants you to think of him which is exactly what you are doing.
I suggest you stop all contact immediately.

No apologies needed! All good here, no arguments required here. I understand your point fully yea.