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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He never replied

388 replies

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:20

26F. He’s 30.

Vibing recently through a new friend group. I can tell he might be interested.

anyway, I texted him to see if he wants dinner at the weekend (so yes I initiated it) He immediately replied ‘Yes!’ within 30 seconds and suggested a restaurant.

ended up texting back and forth every 30 mins because the first restaurant is closed and trying to come up with another restaurant but either fully booked or closed or waitlisted. He tried to book one of them and waitlisted.

he then suggested another restaurant, which as always happy with whatever really. He then never replied after that. This was last night at 9pm.

im sitting here thinking-

  • Does he want me to book this?
  • why hasn’t he replied?
  • Does he still want to go tomorrow?
  • does he want me to suggest a restaurant? Bc I have a few restaurants in mind.
  • I don’t want to double text him… but should I say- what about X restaurant?
any advice would be great!
OP posts:
sonjadog · 02/02/2025 17:30

Glad you went along to lunch, OP. Now you know that there isn't anything to follow further up there, and you may have made a new friend.

Imbusytodaysorry · 02/02/2025 17:39

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 15:19

So he texted me back half an hour ago. I didn’t see it (shower, cup of tea and doing my nails).

so basically he texted back 3 hours later.

anyway he texted back a dry humour and agree to try my suggestions after his 4 restaurant suggestions were fully booked or waitlist.

should I go with what you guys have said “oh I’ve made other plans” ? Or book it and see what happens.

obviously I do want to go for food and see what happens. But at the same time, don’t wanna seem too desperate. At the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out, it’s cool. but I hate this guessing and not sure stage.

Show quote history

I’d call and book it and txt him saying that’s it all sorted see you tomorrow .
You asked him out. He probably got fed up last night and bored of trying to find somewhere. .
So it was on you today not to drag it out .

That’s my advice but I am now away to read the rest of your updates. .

enkelt2 · 02/02/2025 17:43

It wasn't just 3 hours. Three hours would have been fine. The OP said no answer after 9pm the previous night, she then double checked (texted again), then it was 3 hours. So if she didn't double text, it could have been 12 hours or more!

PennyApril54 · 02/02/2025 17:57

Good. That sounds like a nice afternoon / experience. If something more is offered you can think about whether it's right for you to meet up as a pair again and if nothing else is suggested then it can stay as a nice friendship. Well done. I think all things considered this was a worthwhile experience ❤️

Bubblyb00b · 02/02/2025 18:29

Tubs11 · 02/02/2025 16:41

You may have asked him out but equally you could have had that experience with someone who asked you out. Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with is not an instant or easy process imo so why not have fun along the way, you never know where it might lead.

Show quote history

I kind of agree; perhaps it doesn't matter who is inviting who out as long as you keep your eyes open and have boundaries. My experience though led me to avoid this kind of scenario (where you show interest and initiative before the guy does) altogether.

laraitopbanana · 02/02/2025 18:42

Comedycook · 01/02/2025 11:51

Vibing recently through a new friend group

Gosh, I must be getting old....

That is why we can advise though isn’t it? 🤣

TrixieMixie · 02/02/2025 19:05

Comedycook · 01/02/2025 11:51

Vibing recently through a new friend group

Gosh, I must be getting old....

Me too. I think I know what it means but the explanation was even less clear than the original remark. I think it means she was getting ‘he fancies me signals’ from him when they were in a larger group of new friends. As for ‘double texting’, back in the day pre marriage I always let men chase me so I would not text him again. (I realise this is against my own feminist principles but I never liked running after men.) I’m glad I’m old, married and don’t have to date as I’d have severe communication problems 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Missj25 · 02/02/2025 19:53

Make sure to update us OP 😊

TheseCalmSeas · 02/02/2025 20:25

I asked my husband out too. Best thing I ever did.

Nether of us played any games. When you know, you know and if you don’t know….don’t bother.

Laura95167 · 02/02/2025 22:38

SerenaVanDerW · 01/02/2025 11:24

That’s double texting him, no? (because he didn’t reply to my last text).

My last text I said ‘sounds great, let’s try it’ and he didn’t reply.

Show quote history

I'd not play games like that. Who cares about double texting really?

I'd book it and text him something like cool booked for Xpm see you there

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/02/2025 22:46

I've just read all the OPs posts in one go.

At no point do I get the feeling he's arsed about you op. Move on

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 02/02/2025 22:47

Op updated the thread this afternoon, as the date had been switched to lunchtime

TwistedWonder · 02/02/2025 23:03

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 02/02/2025 22:46

I've just read all the OPs posts in one go.

At no point do I get the feeling he's arsed about you op. Move on

I agree. I’d say this man sees the OP as strictly in the friend zone.

BChanna83 · 02/02/2025 23:13

You need to read "Why Men Love B!tches" then you'll understand these dating games 😉

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 02/02/2025 23:47

The reason I asked was because -1) he showed signals like joking say be his plus one to an event 2) joking say his parents would love to meet me 3) said yes immediately of me asking him for food and he tried to suggest restaurants and initiated a (failed) booking so I thought it was a good sign 4) was told by some male friends that nowadays males prefer to be asked, demonstrates independence. He exact advice was- ask, you only live once.

I feel like these statements can be vague.

to conclude- i can’t be arsed with all of this. What’s done is done. I’m gonna take this rejection head on even though I feel absolutely terrible rn. But moving on, lots of challenges/ other life things / hurdles/ milestones to achieve. Just been tempted with a glimmer of hope for a potential partner with a good and similar background is all.

thanks everyone- it’s good to chat things through with more experienced folks here. Much appreciated!

OP posts:
Blusterylimp · 03/02/2025 00:12

SerenaVanDerW · 02/02/2025 23:47

The reason I asked was because -1) he showed signals like joking say be his plus one to an event 2) joking say his parents would love to meet me 3) said yes immediately of me asking him for food and he tried to suggest restaurants and initiated a (failed) booking so I thought it was a good sign 4) was told by some male friends that nowadays males prefer to be asked, demonstrates independence. He exact advice was- ask, you only live once.

I feel like these statements can be vague.

to conclude- i can’t be arsed with all of this. What’s done is done. I’m gonna take this rejection head on even though I feel absolutely terrible rn. But moving on, lots of challenges/ other life things / hurdles/ milestones to achieve. Just been tempted with a glimmer of hope for a potential partner with a good and similar background is all.

thanks everyone- it’s good to chat things through with more experienced folks here. Much appreciated!

From what you have said, I think he was giving plenty of signals that he is interested in you OP.
Are you sure that you were not acting cool and distant on your lunch date (after all the negative comments on this thread) and he interpreted your behaviour as you not being interested?
There seems to be so much scope for misunderstanding with dating these days.

Menobaby79 · 03/02/2025 01:18

laraitopbanana · 02/02/2025 18:42

That is why we can advise though isn’t it? 🤣

Show quote history

I'm no spring chicken at 45 either but was thinking vibing : eg sharing the same vibe, easy to get along together?

laraitopbanana · 03/02/2025 06:15

Menobaby79 · 03/02/2025 01:18

I'm no spring chicken at 45 either but was thinking vibing : eg sharing the same vibe, easy to get along together?

Show quote history

Kinda thought that too…

Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 06:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Flozle · 03/02/2025 10:22

Waterboatlass · 01/02/2025 13:17

Oh come on, surely 'vibe' is 60s slang if not jazz age.

Don't think it was ever a verb, though.

Missj25 · 03/02/2025 10:34

I think he sounds interested aswel , I’ll be honest ..
If he wasn’t he would have taken his opportunity to leave the date when you said you wanted to go for dessert, but that it was no problem him going home if he had to leave 🤷🏻‍♀️…
I wouldn’t throw my hat in just yet ..
Also , I’m a firm believer in laying cards on a table , why not say what you feel ..
Ask him straight out is he interested, if he’s not then , he’s not , move on .
It’s not about , this one chasing that one , it’s just being upfront..
What’s wrong with that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 03/02/2025 11:04

Past dating experience- pretty mundane. Had one boyfriend in uni but both ended mutually. Dated another guy in uni but I friend zoned him, but he’s one of my best friends now!! We talk quite regularly.

2 months ago, I dated a guy (as I mentioned in one of my posts)- Strong chemistry, but due to some family complications on his end and previous relationship baggage, I felt it was too much for me and I ended it amicably- we still keep in touch but very very minimal like hey how are you, good to hear from you…etc but nothing more.

that’s pretty much it, don’t have much dating experience- as I work 9-6; 40 hours a week, studying part time for a management course in uni and I have a volunteering job during the week on Thurs after work 7-9pm. So I have to admit I find dating/ guessing time an extra thing on my ‘to do list’

OP posts:
Original poster
SerenaVanDerW · 03/02/2025 11:06

Missj25 · 03/02/2025 10:34

I think he sounds interested aswel , I’ll be honest ..
If he wasn’t he would have taken his opportunity to leave the date when you said you wanted to go for dessert, but that it was no problem him going home if he had to leave 🤷🏻‍♀️…
I wouldn’t throw my hat in just yet ..
Also , I’m a firm believer in laying cards on a table , why not say what you feel ..
Ask him straight out is he interested, if he’s not then , he’s not , move on .
It’s not about , this one chasing that one , it’s just being upfront..
What’s wrong with that 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re certainly in the minority here! :D

What’s done is done. I think he is somewhat interested but hesitant. So I’ll just leave it. I’ll just leave him be, let him initiate.

OP posts:
AliceSpringsEverywhere · 03/02/2025 11:23

Flozle · 03/02/2025 10:22

Don't think it was ever a verb, though.

Show quote history

A 'vibe' is a feeling. It's not something one does.

Remember the song 'Good Vibrations' (Beach Boys.)

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 03/02/2025 11:26

Kindly, OP, you do sound a little inexperienced with men and dating.

Just because some man flatters you and there's a to-ing and fro-ing with banter, it doesn't mean he's wanting to date you- it's called 'flirting'.

Sadly, I was once where you are now.
I'd double text for their one text.
They'd respond and keep me hooked in.

But it always ended badly.

When a man is really into you, they will move heaven and earth to see you. There won't be any agonising over 'does he or doesn't he like me'.
You will just KNOW.

Chalk this up to experience.