Apologies in advance for the long post!
In my experience, as an estranged mum, there's never just a black and a white side to this. What I have learned, is that a knee jerk reaction to a knee jerk action never solves anything, it just adds to the whole sorry, sad mix. It's clearly hard for the OP to contain her emotions - that's why she's posting on here, for support and to be told she's in the right - and I get that, but it won't solve the problem which clearly exists.
The OP's daughter has clearly reached breaking point, and I have to wonder whether it was a true punch or whether she lashed out to the one person she knew was dependable: her mum. Three punches to the face by a fit and healthy 25 year old would do some serious damage, not just wound feelings, no?
My eldest grandson is now 16, and I haven't seen him or painted with him or read to him or talked with him or hugged him since he was 6 years old. His childhood is over, and I missed it. I haven't seen his mother grow into the woman she is today and that hurts, I suspect more than most people could ever imagine in ten lifetimes. Oh, I could give you lists upon lists about the good things that I did as a parent, but I've learned that it's the things you don't do - and which mostly you're unaware of - or the emotional responses that young parents sometimes make, which lead to estrangement. I always thought this almighty wrong would inevitably solve itself, because I've always loved my children and done my best, but it hasn't, and the passing of time has just sealed the door to potential reconciliation. I know it won't happen now and I've learned to live with that, but I feel like theres a big part of me that's missing and I know I can never be whole again, or be the person I wanted to be.
So, I'd say to the OP, whatever is going on here and however much you - and other posters on here - believe yourself to be blameless, you can only see and feel the blind pain of rejection right now and, at the end of the day, the details ultimately won't make a bit of difference. Like you, I've had major health issues since our estrangement, but that didn't bring about the emotional reunion we see in movies. Real life doesn't follow the patterns we expect and hope for, but ultimately we have have to concede we must have contributed something major to estrangement with our children and so must carry some responsibility.
Over the years, I've read everything under the sun about estrangement and have personally identified with very much of it, but still it changes nothing. I've bookmarked passages which I think maybe go some way towards explaining our position and I've tried and tried to work out how someone you love so deeply can possibly not want you in their life, or their children's lives. I never did anything heinous, I've told myself for years. But, I've learned that there are helicopter parents' (in a nutshell, those who hover and guide their children to find things out for themselves, and grow emotionally and intellectually with appropriate levels of support) and there are 'bulldozer parents' (who, with the best will in the world, try to solve their children's problems and give them short-cuts to happiness). I was, and still am, a bulldozer parent, and it sounds as if the OP maybe is, too. I now realise that, giving too much of yourself doesn't automatically result in appreciation and love from your children, and it can leave you feeling used, and spent. That's down to us, it's not our kid's fault or responsibility. If the OP has always showered her daughter with money and solutions, that's hardly the young person's failing, but what she's been conditioned to expect.
To the OP: I suspect your daughter's cruel text was to provoke response in you - did it work? In my experience, people who stop caring, stop communicating, so there's a good chance your daughter doesn't truly want you out of her life, and there's hope yet. There's no point in your trying to tell her how you don't deserve the way she's treating you or attempting to drum home your point of view, since she'll just see you as self-righteous. As parents, and to have any chance of healing, we must learn to listen and not let the pain or sense of injustice dictate how we respond. Much easier to say than to do, for some of us!
I would urge the OP to step back and think about how she and her daughter have got to this point. It's really not important who did what, or who's right or who's wrong on different issues, because it's never that simple. The fact is they're in danger of losing each other and that['s the very worst pain to ever have to learn to live with, so I['d suggest you should try very hard to drop the notion that you'[re amazing and she's awful, or it just won't work. Take baby steps from now on and try to understand each other better by really listening and taking things slowly, if your daughter will agree to try that. I believe that, it's imperative to try really hard to drop the defensive attitude, to stand any chance of moving forwards.
I have failed in this, and I know it. It's impacted on my self-identity and my self-esteem, and it's something I can't fix. Don't be like me, do better, and do it sooner. Sons and daughters are precious, and I think we owe it to them to try harder. For the rest of my life, I'll wish I'd done things differently. Love isn't enough.