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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
L0bstersLass · 29/01/2025 11:40

I don't believe him. I don't believe there is a fling he's got pregnant. I reckon it's his wife. I suspect you've been the OW.

modernshmodern · 29/01/2025 11:41

You don't really know him yet and he's right to prioritise his unborn child over a couple of months relationship.

I'd also consider maybe his feelings for you weren't as strong as he could have stayed with you and been an involved dad.

It's hard when you break up in the lust stage because there's all the what ifs. But you need to accept it wasn't the right relationship and there's no reason you can't meet someone better for you. Just be careful not to rush in too quick next time.

DeepFatFried · 29/01/2025 11:42

OP I am sorry this is so painful for you.

But truly: he is a mess. Still in the process of divorce and he has unprotected sex!

The mess will get worse. Fathering a new baby will make his divorce process worse. His 3 current children will be disturbed and disoriented. What of his belief in a stable family for those children?

Any onward relationship with you would involve all these people, step parenting 4 children, all with their own losses.

Please seek support. Distress at the end of a relationship is natural, but it may be that counselling can give you support in not making yourself vulnerable to men waving red flags

Please take care of yourself.

Cheeseandcrackers40 · 29/01/2025 11:43

He isn't a partner after 2 months and you trying to get pregnant this early in a relationship is utter madness. That's without the crazy situation of him divorcing and also another women being pregnant by him - I suggest you walk away and have some therapy to address your attachment style. FWIW I do not believe for a second that he is sacrificing his happiness to try and bring up a baby with a women he doesn't have feelings for. Given that he claims he is already going through a divorce what are the chances he would put himself in another unhappy relationship so quickly? All seems very implausible. Either he has made it up as an excuse to end your relationship or he wants to be with the 'fling'.

L0bstersLass · 29/01/2025 11:43

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

She's not his ex-wife, she's his wife.
Also, you don't know him. You've only been aware of his existence since November.

Did you spend Christmas Day together?

StMick · 29/01/2025 11:43

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

Are you saying that in the 3m you've know. Him, you've been actively trying to get pregnant?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 29/01/2025 11:43

Does he see his 3 children abd play a large part in their lives?

mamajong · 29/01/2025 11:44

Being honest, if the best relationship of your life is with this man, you need to raise your standards, and I mean that nicely.

There's no such thing as 'soul mate' what you describe is the lust early in a relationship, true love is about respect, trust and commitment, none of which he has shown.

His behaviour is contradictory - saying he loves you but choosing someone else, saying he strongly believes he should be with the mother of his latest child but happy to not be with the mother of his other children...

My advice is work on you first, then seek out someone who can give you the real love you deserve

Arlanymor · 29/01/2025 11:45

So he doesn’t want the new baby to have a broken family (hate that term but you used it so just echoing your vernacular) but he’s already leaving behind a broken family to be with this new family? That doesn’t make any sense does it? Even if his wife wants him gone, that situation is already interfering with his apparent moral position. I think he’s using his ‘good values’ as an excuse to leave you. I’m sorry he’s dumped you, but you should be able to recover from a relationship which is only in its infancy anyway - less than two months is nothing, its certainly not enough time to be calling someone your soulmate and thinking about having a child with them (very irresponsible in the case of the latter).

Wanting you as a friend is either something he is saying to placate you or because he wants a bit on the side, because if you have been involved in this big romance as you have described it then you can clearly not be platonic friends. Sorry if you think I have been brutal, but you need some tough love if you can’t see all of this for yourself. Let him go, there will be others - his life sounds very messy and complex.

I wonder if there is even another baby or if he is just trying to extract himself to something with you that was too fast and too soon. Or because you have already spoken to him about getting pregnant (which is nuts, regardless of time not being on your side) he’s got very scared and is thinking that the only way to leave is to say that someone else is pregnant. None of it rings true to me.

I’m your age and if I was responding to thus situation in the way that you are I know that my friends and family would sympathise but tell me to honestly pull myself together given that I have cheese in my fridge older than this relationship. And they would be right.

Choccyscofffy · 29/01/2025 11:45
winter wife GIF

The way you keep calling her a fling, e.g. ‘he got a fling pregnant’ is a bit disturbing. She’s a woman.

DurbevillesGirl2 · 29/01/2025 11:45

If he is your soulmate he wouldn’t have walked away from you. Keep searching!

Margorett · 29/01/2025 11:45

He isn't your partner ! For goodness sake why do so many people refer to a new boyfriend as a partner !

StMick · 29/01/2025 11:46

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

What do you want from this OP?

Newmumburnout · 29/01/2025 11:48

I am very sorry but I think you are looking at him with rose tinted glasses 😬 honestly, move on. Don't stay friends

ctk496 · 29/01/2025 11:49

My ex was very similar love bombed tried to get everyone pregant his Claire’s law shows a huge history of stalking harrasment and Vila g behviour to women j think you’ve got a blessing in disguise

BingoDingoDog · 29/01/2025 11:53

Were you trying to faff a baby with him? That would have been really really bad idea

MumWifeOther · 29/01/2025 11:54

He has 3 other kids whom he’s happy to leave but now decided he can’t have a broken family so he’s giving it a go with a “fling” who got pregnant accidentally?

Hes lying and you need to move on.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/01/2025 11:56

StMick · 29/01/2025 11:43

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

Are you saying that in the 3m you've know. Him, you've been actively trying to get pregnant?

And at the age of 45.
That was so unlikely to be successful.

HalfMarathonWishItWasTheChoc · 29/01/2025 11:58

He’s got more baggage than Heathrow. I’d be running for the emergency exit if I were you.

Sapienza · 29/01/2025 11:59

You are 45. I'm sorry for being blunt but isn't it time you wised up?

So he doesn’t want the new baby to have a broken family (hate that term but you used it so just echoing your vernacular) but he’s already leaving behind a broken family to be with this new family? That doesn’t make any sense does it?

It only makes sense when you are wearing rose-tinted glasses.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 29/01/2025 12:01

Sapienza · 29/01/2025 11:59

You are 45. I'm sorry for being blunt but isn't it time you wised up?

So he doesn’t want the new baby to have a broken family (hate that term but you used it so just echoing your vernacular) but he’s already leaving behind a broken family to be with this new family? That doesn’t make any sense does it?

It only makes sense when you are wearing rose-tinted glasses.

rose tinted glass? This is a blindfold....

StopStartStop · 29/01/2025 12:01

OP, stop.

You hardly know this man. At two to three months, he's not your 'partner', he's a casual boyfriend.

Is he the love of your life? He might be. That doesn't mean you'll be together. The love of my life is living in northern Spain with his wife, and good for him, she's a better wife for him than I could be. Let him go.

You need a holiday, a new hobby, to keep busy. And relentlessly stamp any thought of this erstwhile 'partner' out of your mind.

Arlanymor · 29/01/2025 12:01

Sapienza · 29/01/2025 11:59

You are 45. I'm sorry for being blunt but isn't it time you wised up?

So he doesn’t want the new baby to have a broken family (hate that term but you used it so just echoing your vernacular) but he’s already leaving behind a broken family to be with this new family? That doesn’t make any sense does it?

It only makes sense when you are wearing rose-tinted glasses.

I guess, but there’s rose-tinted and then there’s completely opaque isn’t there?

OnceUponASausage · 29/01/2025 12:02

You only met him 3 months ago. Thats not a partner. It’s barely a boyfriend. You barely know him, bin him off and leave him to it.

HollyKnight · 29/01/2025 12:03

This phone call came only a few days ago. Does the woman even want a relationship with him?? This is all a bit teenage drama. I think your desperation for a baby is tricking you into thinking this is something more than it is. He is clearly a shit father, actively trying to get a woman - who is practically a stranger - pregnant with no thought to his living children, or the child he might create.