My partner got a fling pregnant

[Anna2025]

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

@Over40Overdating I agree she's likely been love bombed, and I think despite OP thinking people are being nasty on this thread, the advice comes from many of us who have actually experienced it ourselves.

I do actually feel sorry for OP as it's incredibly painful and difficult to get over. Love bombing leaves you empty and confused in the end.

I would place bets on that if there is a baby, that OP bf has been seeing multiple women and this one has fallen pregnant. It doesn't ring true to say he's not got feelings/attraction to the fling but is making a go of it for the babies sake.

If he's a man from a broken marriage (if that is actually true), then he will know that that isn't any kind of basis for a lasting relationship. If the "fling" being pregnant thing is true, for him to leave I'd say at the very least he has feelings and attraction to her. He was sleeping with her after all only a few short months ago! (Not saying you have to have feelings to sleep with someone but there surely is some level of attraction).

The other option is that OP has been the OW this whole time, whether that is he is still with his wife or he has been with another woman/women.

Or he could just be using this an excuse to leave. 12 weeks is sort of crunch time where a lot of love bombers do their discard and look for that initial high somewhere else.

None of you knows him the way that I do.

In all fairness OP, you've only known him 90 days longer than any of us.

I am the most naive woman on the planet when it comes to men and even I know this man is a liar and a chancer and honestly not what you want to be with. Be thankful he has left.

"He's always treated me well"
FFS you've been together for a 3 months, is the bar so low now that we consider that someone not beating us blue within two weeks is enough to be considered a good person?

OP he wasn't your partner. You only knew each other couple of months. I'm not saying that to dismiss your feelings. Break ups in the beginning of relationship can be very painful as it's usually a stage of idealisation and high hopes. However you really don't know this man, you don't know if you would have worked out or even if he's a good person. To know that takes time.

He chosed another woman. The feelings on his part clearly weren't as deep as you imagined and you're not his priority, which after only two months is understandable.
Also being with someone who is expecting a new baby with another woman is completely different then dating someone who is divorced with kids already. It's extremely messy, unhealthy dynamic and I'm not sure why you would even want to be part of that.

8 weeks!!!! You were in a situationship with this man for 8 weeks and he’s onto a second situationship and he isn’t yet divorced from his wife.

Give your head a wobble.

Ok I'll put my scepticism aside and take your word for it that he's a good man OP but this is still a TERRIBLE situation. You need to back away fast. This is your one and only life. Don't get dragged into this mess.

@gia88 he’s sold OP a load of nonsense that’s for sure.

I’ve heard the 12 weeks rule from a couple of players. It’s when the high wears off for them, and they clear the dating pool out to make room for new victims. It’s why my username is what it is! You could not pay me to date a middle aged man recently out of a marriage ever again.

If he already has 3 kids he can't be that bothered about breaking a family up?

Besides that, what confirmation do you have that she's actually pregnant. I know of a number of women who have lied about this in an attempt to win them back then they suddenly 'miscarry' - sick thing to make up but it happens

Of course he would be MORE bothered about breaking up a family. Another child support to pay, another child to only see over the weekends and now having to fit that in with also two older children, the sense of even bigger failure and societal judgment.
I think OP should run for the hills but let's not make things up.

@Bibi12 OP said "Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. "

I'm saying he can't be that bothered when he's already split up with his ex

He is not your soulmate move on

Soulmates do not exist. To consider having a child with someone after 12 weeks is utter madness.

People split from their ex for variety of reasons not just because they don't believe in family. And usually second time round they are MORE bothered, not less. What you're saying simply doesn't reflect how people think and act in real life and I'm saying that as someone with personal experience.

Agree - I was kind as I could be given the circumstances but I hope that she can see this for what it is. Because if she can then it will help her to heal.

It's been 8 weeks.

You never got the chance to get out of the honeymoon phase in all likelihood it never would have worked out anyway.

However, if you split, you have 3 children already and you care about family, I'd hope your first thought would be to your young children, not impregnating other women and bringing several other siblings into their lives when you aren't even divorced from their mother.
Also, more divorces are from second marriages than first ( may be the pressure of blended families or just hope over experience) but often it doesn't matter how ' more bothered' they are about family. They still split.

I know you're really hurting, but I strongly believe that one day in the future you will look back on how you're feeling now and your toes will curl.

You can't possibly know after 3 months if someone is your 'soulmate'. In fact, that feeling often comes when you've been love-bombed.

Good strong relationships come out of steady, long-term getting to know each other. Suffering the bad times. Knowing you can trust each other no matter what. Steadfast. Support. Holding your hair when you're sick. Putting up with each others foibles even though they irriate you.

Love-bombing is about convincing someone that 'this is it' after a couple of dates. Making a load of romantic promises. Talk about soulmates. Telling someone this is the best relationship you've ever had. It isn't real.

It's very risky to get together with someone who is still married, even if they are going through a divorce. That alone would make me put the brakes on.

But it sounds like he's also a love bomber. A love bomber who 3 months ago was having unprotected sex with a woman he apparently has no feelings for.

I think he's going back to his wife. Or he never left her. Or the other woman is made up. Whatever the reason, he's chosen to leave you. No amount of begging or pleading or hope will change the fact that he's made that choice.

@Anna2025 So then what would he do if you found out YOU were pregnant now? 🤔Just trying to wrap my mind around his logic.

Sorry you're in this situation, all the best for you moving forward 💐🍫

Sorry Op, but the writing is on the wall.

You really don’t know ANYONE’S true colours for at least 2 years.

You were just in that lovely honeymoon period, by he wasn’t. People do this all the time, so going forward, keep a good check on yourself.

100% agree with the first part of your post.

When it comes to second divorces tho, it's usually because people are less likely to have shared children but have to deal with step children and because they are personality traits/problems that contributed to the breakdown of first marriage, not because they are "not bothered ".

I was just pointing out that people who value the idea of intact family and are already divorced for whatever reason are even more bothered about the breakdown of the "second family ".