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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
MrsSunshine2b · 29/01/2025 12:04

Funny that he didn't decide to stay in his marriage for the 3 kids he has already, and was able to get one woman pregnant and have a relationship with another before the divorce papers are even signed, and yet is so very committed to the one who hasn't be born yet by a woman he barely knows. What do his older kids think about having a sibling and Stepmum whilst he's still married to their Mum?

You're too old to be this naive. He's not a saint, he's a childish man with 4 kids playing a macho game, keeping you on a string whilst playing at happy families with someone else.

TroysMammy · 29/01/2025 12:08

Lost me when you said you are both in your mid 40s. I would have thought people of this age would be more sensible with contraception and not be so wet to think, after a short space of time that you are "soul mates". Go and have a word with yourself.

GCAcademic · 29/01/2025 12:12

HollyKnight · 29/01/2025 12:03

This phone call came only a few days ago. Does the woman even want a relationship with him?? This is all a bit teenage drama. I think your desperation for a baby is tricking you into thinking this is something more than it is. He is clearly a shit father, actively trying to get a woman - who is practically a stranger - pregnant with no thought to his living children, or the child he might create.

Does the woman even exist? Or is this a story that he's concocted to definitively finish things with the OP?

LimeGoose · 29/01/2025 12:14

It sounds like you were also trying to get pregnant with him after only 3 months. It might be time to rethink your approach to relationships.

ObliviousCoalmine · 29/01/2025 12:17

I know he is my soulmate in my heart

Lol. Mate, no you don't. I've had cheese longer than you've known your 'soul mate'.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 29/01/2025 12:26

Mmm, 45 you say you are?
I would have thought you get more wisdom as you mature!!
Sorry op but you need to grow up

smallsilvercloud · 29/01/2025 12:33

It's rubbish, but enjoy your lucky escape and freedom, I wouldn't want to get involved even if he changed his mind, you hardly know him to love and trust him as your partner, he could of been seeing her all along as well as you, not one bit would I trust a man that flips through different women quickly, getting them pregnant Willy nilly, sounds like a love bombing player.

1WanderingWomble · 29/01/2025 12:39

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

I'm so confused. This makes literally no sense in the context of dating someone for three months. Did you start trying the first day you met? Even if you did, this isn't 'not easy', it's a very normal timeframe of (not) getting pregnant. But extremely abnormal in terms of a relationship. You don't really know him yet, that's just factual based on the timeline here.

Anyway, you need to walk away and try to think more rationally about this. I'm sorry, I'm sure it's difficult but surely just writing this out made you realise it sounds crazy - because it is crazy.

Queenofthejabs · 29/01/2025 12:41

1WanderingWomble · 29/01/2025 12:39

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

I'm so confused. This makes literally no sense in the context of dating someone for three months. Did you start trying the first day you met? Even if you did, this isn't 'not easy', it's a very normal timeframe of (not) getting pregnant. But extremely abnormal in terms of a relationship. You don't really know him yet, that's just factual based on the timeline here.

Anyway, you need to walk away and try to think more rationally about this. I'm sorry, I'm sure it's difficult but surely just writing this out made you realise it sounds crazy - because it is crazy.

It wasn’t three months. It wasn’t even two. She says in her op, it was less than 2 months, but started three, so clearly been over a month.

so in the seven or so weeks they dated they decided to try for a child.

at 45 years old.

febmayjune87 · 29/01/2025 12:42

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 11:39

How much time has he had in these 2 months to spend with you, fall madly in love and try for a baby? Has he not been splitting time 50/50 with the three children he has already? Seen as he’s such a family man who wouldn’t want his children to experience the broken home he did…

And in that time we have had Christmas/ school holidays. Surely he spent a lot of time with his real family then

CJsGoldfish · 29/01/2025 12:57

A married man you've known 5 minutes who clearly hasn't heard of safe sex. What a catch 🙄

Why on earth would you try and have a baby with a stranger?
Who do you think would be the one to suffer the consequences of such a stupid decision had you been successful? Yeah. The child

Travelodge · 29/01/2025 13:10

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

Yes, he does "sleep around women". He's not divorced yet but in the past few months he's slept with his "fling" and with you.

He's not a "great family man" or he wouldn't have had unprotected sex and shown little regard for the children he’s already got.

Sorry but he is stringing you along. You are believing without question every highly unlikely thing he says. Please listen to the virtually unanimous opinion of all the people who have commented on your post and don’t let him make a fool of you by keeping you on the side.

One day you will look back at your post and be embarrassed that you were so trusting and naive. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t really want to stay with you. Forget him and find someone more worthy of your affections.

AngelicasNicePudding · 29/01/2025 13:17

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

I don't understand this.

Do you mean that 'in theory' he wanted a child at some point?

Or, did you (alone) decide not to use contraception and try to become pregnant?

You'd only known him for 8 weeks, so how does 'not easy' come into that?
At best, you'd have had 2 fertile cycles and more likely one.

1WanderingWomble · 29/01/2025 13:33

Queenofthejabs · 29/01/2025 12:41

It wasn’t three months. It wasn’t even two. She says in her op, it was less than 2 months, but started three, so clearly been over a month.

so in the seven or so weeks they dated they decided to try for a child.

at 45 years old.

Show quote history

Oh my goodness

StormingNorman · 29/01/2025 13:45

Queenofthejabs · 29/01/2025 12:41

It wasn’t three months. It wasn’t even two. She says in her op, it was less than 2 months, but started three, so clearly been over a month.

so in the seven or so weeks they dated they decided to try for a child.

at 45 years old.

Show quote history

Last chance saloon comes to mind.

UpMyself · 29/01/2025 14:34

There probably is no pregnant OW and no impending divorce. He's probably had his oats and toddling back home to his faithful wife.

Horses7 · 29/01/2025 14:44

I know you’ll think we’re all meanies and I’m saying this gently….. there are so many red flags for this man and you only know what he’s inclined to tell you - it all sound awful.
He’s quite willing to drop you or keep you as a friend with benefits (which is just as bad) Block him and move on, you are worth more.

febmayjune87 · 29/01/2025 14:50

And please don't listen about the cheating wife. Can I guess the story. He was young, and she seemed nice, she trapped him by getting pregnant, he was the hero who stayed to raise the child. Two kite pregnancies followed but she was so cruel and cheated every chance she got?

Am I close

outerspacepotato · 29/01/2025 14:56

You've been dating a married man for a few weeks and he's told you he's gotten another woman pregnant.

You trying to make a few weeks of dating into more than it is by calling him your partner won't work. He's married to another woman. That's his partner. Not you. You're the side chick.

You don't know if he's getting divorced or not. You don't know if there really is someone pregnant or it's an excuse because you're moving way too fast.

Whichever, get STI checks.

Tomatotater · 29/01/2025 15:01

AngelicasNicePudding · 29/01/2025 13:17

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

I don't understand this.

Do you mean that 'in theory' he wanted a child at some point?

Or, did you (alone) decide not to use contraception and try to become pregnant?

You'd only known him for 8 weeks, so how does 'not easy' come into that?
At best, you'd have had 2 fertile cycles and more likely one.

Sounds like someone who likes to shag around without condoms who spun OP a line to the effect of "Does it matter if we make a baby? We're soulmates/meant to be together/will try for a baby soon anyway, " etc, when he really means "I want to shag around without protection.

TwistedWonder · 29/01/2025 15:09

Sadly I don’t think the OP will be back as she’s decided we’re all big nasty old mean girls who don’t understand this was true love

Its a shame because I dont think I’ve seen many threads as unanimous as this one and she really needs to read through and see that every single PP is seeing the huge red flags she’s ignoring

Sometimes it’s hard to face up to the truth but I do hope that the OP does realise that this man had far too much baggage and that in time she’ll see what a lucky escape she’s had even if she’s not feeling it right now

gia88 · 29/01/2025 15:12

I don't know what advice the OP actually wanted?

Baby or no baby, the man has ended the relationship. Was she looking for ideas to talk him round Hmm

Or did she want some stories where everyone validates her view that yes this is soulmates and some blokes do this and then come back?

Yea it's pretty unanimous and it's not what OP wants to hear, clearly.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 29/01/2025 15:13

Bloody hell OP, you're 45 not a teenager. Surely you're too old to fall for this load of old bollocks.

Hollietree · 29/01/2025 15:33

I would bet money on the pregnant woman being his wife. Pregnant with baby number 4.

Either he was separated from his wife but still shagging her………. Or they never split up in the first place. He’s found out wife is pregnant again and decided to knock his affair on the head.

Im sorry if this sounds harsh @Anna2025 but you are likely his OW that he has love bombed. In the 2 months he has been your “partner” - have you seen him every day, been to his house, met his friends/family and been introduced as his other half?

Run as far as you can from this idiot. Block him and don’t see him again. And really take your time getting to know any potential partner in the future.

Over40Overdating · 29/01/2025 15:50

@gia88 I guess maybe affirmation that he does love her and there is hope.

I bet many of us have been at that stage when a relationship we had high hopes for went to pot, just not at this age.

I suspect OP is vulnerable for whatever reason and loverman exploited that til someone else caught his fancy, but wants to keep her as a side option. No one who was happy and content with themselves would be trying for a baby with a man they’ve known for 3 months. Dickheads smell desperation and loneliness.

It’s a painful reality but sadly not uncommon with middle aged men and their wandering willies and giant egos.

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