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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
Cacara · 29/01/2025 11:02

🚩🚩🚩
Ok, so he's dumping you to shack up with a fling because he's doesn't want to raise the baby in a broken home.
By that token, shouldn't he get back with his wife and live under the same roof as the kids he already has??
Make it make sense...

AnonymousBleep · 29/01/2025 11:02

Walk away. There are red flags all over this!

Cailin66 · 29/01/2025 11:02

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

I've read your opening post and cannot believe you are this naive. You are a very lucky women you didn't get pregnant with this prince of men who is using you for sex same as he's using other women. You are one of many. Why did you come on here for advice if you had already decided our wisdom would be of no use to you unless we all agree he's the love of your life and a perfect soulmate.

And lol that his ex cheated on him. Seriously .

SerafinasGoose · 29/01/2025 11:03

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

We don't know him. That's a given. But one thing the women of Mumsnet are savvy about is spotting certain traits and structures of behaviour. Many have gained this knowledge at considerable personal cost, and choose to share that experience to help others.

Men run true to archetypes. It sounds over-simplified but it really isn't: it's an endless source of fascination to me how rigidly many of them conform with recognisable, completely predictable patterns of behaviour. Ask any counsellor or psychologist: they've seen the same schtick over and over again. Check any thread on this site posted by bemused women whose partners are behaving in a way that's harmful to them, and note how frequently they express surprise as to how accurately other women can anticipate their man's next move. It's practically a cliche.

Three months is insufficient time to gauge someone's honesty with any degree of accuracy. You only know about his marriage what he is choosing to tell you. Impregnating one woman and attempting to do the same with another, seemingly within minutes of meeting them, reveals a 'pattern'. And it's one of unreliability and a lack of responsibility, to say the very least.

No one is saying you 'have' to do what Mumsnet tells you to do. You've asked for help. You've had it, and in your updates are wilfully tuning out the blindingly obvious because it isn't what you wanted to hear.

Unfortunately, that's your own lookout.

lightsandtunnels · 29/01/2025 11:04

I think you'll have to put this one down to experience OP. If he is indeed the man you think he is then I could kindly assume that the pull towards his child is obviously greater than his feelings for you. Says a lot about him in terms of his wish to be a father and do the best for his child but obviously not great for you!

I'd however, be a little suspicious that he wants to get back together with a another woman who is expecting his child. Lots of very happy children have parents who live apart and co parent successfully. If he did want to stay with you then he would find a way to make it work. Sorry OP but it's not looking good and 8 weeks into a relationship is very early days.

ManyATrueWord · 29/01/2025 11:05

You sound desperate to be sucked in by love bombing. Please cut all contact with this man and get some therapy.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/01/2025 11:05

He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me

And didn't use any contraception?

You need an STI check.

BigAnne · 29/01/2025 11:05

@Anna2025 I'm sorry Op but you're the one he had a fling with.

blueskies23 · 29/01/2025 11:05

People are trying to help you and to be kind. It;s easier for us to see from the outside. A good father would be very sad that his marriage had failed and that he could not be there all the time for his children. He would try to make his leaving home as gentle an experience as possible

for those children. He would be telling them that it was not their fault, that they were loved. He would try to find as attractive a home as he could afford, one with space for them to be comfortable. He would think using his heart (love for them) and not his dick. His first concern would be them surviving the transition, not having a fling and trying for another child with a second fling. He is irresponsible. Not only is he playing with his existing children, he is playing with you. Be very brave and be alone. You will be less lonely than he will eventually make you.

Lurkinmn · 29/01/2025 11:06

There's always a new low men achieve, reading all these posts on MN.
I hope op you get some sanity after reading all these responses.
This man is utterly despicable.
He already has 3 children from his marriage, he isn't divorced yet, got another women pregnant and in 2 months relationship, you have already been trying to get pregnant with him and within those two months, you haven't fell pregnant, so you cited your age making it harder to not have fallen pregnant already. This all blows my mind. You really need some therapy to save you from such despicable men.

Ladyof2025 · 29/01/2025 11:07

Posters stating that she has only been in a relationship for 3 months mis-read the OP.

"I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months."

Almost 2 months! So, about 6 or 7 weeks?

This is limerance or desperation.

OP, you need to come down off Cloud 9 and be realistic!

JazzyJelly · 29/01/2025 11:07

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

I mean this kindly OP, but what are you asking for? Regardless of what anybody here thinks of the relationship, he ended it, and that's his decision. There's nothing you can do.

BlondeMamaToBe · 29/01/2025 11:08

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

‘Going through a divorce…’. ‘She cheated…’. I would put money on him being full of shit. He will be the serial cheat.

pinkdelight · 29/01/2025 11:08

CautiousLurker01 · 29/01/2025 10:11

He wasn’t your partner. He was a BF. Of a few months.

You need to get over him and move on.

Not even a few. Two! That's eight weeks. And he wanted to have a child with OP??? This is total madness. Sorry, OP, but you need to move on from him and keep your head screwed on.

BlackSwan · 29/01/2025 11:08

Did you tell him he's your soulmate?

Perhaps you're coming on a little strong & that's why he invented this story. I suspect no one is pregnant.

MotherOfCats25 · 29/01/2025 11:09

Move on. Believes every child needs a family yet going through a divorce and getting random flings pregnant lol. What a mess!

Howmanycatsistoomany · 29/01/2025 11:09

Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family.

Sure he does - that's why he's currently divorcing the mother of 3 of his children.

He's dumping you OP. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.

peachgreen · 29/01/2025 11:10

he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family

But he was happy enough to leave his first three children?

He's a waste of space, OP. And trying to have a baby with someone you've only been dating for two months suggests an extremely alarming lack of boundaries on your part. No good man would suggest that, and no sensible woman would agree to it. Please look into getting some therapy before you start dating again.

Ladyof2025 · 29/01/2025 11:11

Thread title My partner got a fling pregnant should really be

My fling got another fling pregnant

Moonlightdust · 29/01/2025 11:11

This will be his 4th child (with 2 different partners). He’s not going to have time to enter into a new relationship let alone fulfil your desire for a love story with the possibility of a future child together. 5 kids with 3 different partners - do you realistically think he will have time for you or another child?? Walk away OP, it’s not worth it.

ncapprox5638 · 29/01/2025 11:12

He wanted a baby with you, in a new relationship. He got a 'fling' pregnant, then left you for her when he found out.

Honestly OP, I think he's just been looking for someone to have his baby, and another woman beat you to it. Take it as a lucky escape, he's not your soulmate.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 29/01/2025 11:12

There may not even be a previous fling. Are you sure he's not going back to his wife?

Over40Overdating · 29/01/2025 11:13

I’ve dated 2 men who gave similar vibes to OPs soulmate and both shared the same ‘wisdom’ with me.

Dating for them was a numbers game - you play as many options at the same time as you can to increase your chances of landing on the ‘unicorn’.

And that 12 weeks is the do or die moment. This is where they would cut the numbers down and then add some fresh ones to the pool whilst progressing with the rest.

I wonder if OPs man has been in the same group chats.

404ErrorCode · 29/01/2025 11:15

Partner? After 3 months, you were barely in the dating stage!

Red flags from all sides in this set up.

TeeBee · 29/01/2025 11:15

Cut your losses and run. He wants to give his Plan B a try, you need to move on a let him. There will be other men with fewer complications. You're in your 40s; don't wait precious years and emotions on a man who wants something else. He's told you what he wants. Being friends is unlikely to work for you; you need to cut the tie and heal.

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