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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
MotherOfCats25 · 29/01/2025 11:16

Wait you were trying for a baby after 3 MONTHS?! Oh god lord.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 29/01/2025 11:18

Maybe you could be his "real life love of life forever and ever" fling? For when he is sick of his other two families.... cute.

Gggglinda · 29/01/2025 11:19

Oh god. Wake up! He's not your soul mate. I don't even believe she was his fling and the broken home sob story. He clearly wants to be with her, you were probably just the fling. You don't know a man in 3 months, certainly not enough to be his soul mate. Don't beg for him back, you will look desperate. Focus on yourself and building up your self esteem and dig deep in to thought about why you want to allow a man to treat you like this.

RareLemur · 29/01/2025 11:20

So he is married but separated, has a pregnant girlfriend but still wants you to be friends. You can see why we would think it is a very messy situation that you should extricate yourself from.
Most would assume that his reasoning for remaining friends would be to keep you on the hook in case things don't work out or to have an affair with whilst he is in a relationship with the mother of his child.
You say that we don't know him and you are right, we don't. But how much do you know him after 3 months? You are still in the initial honeymoon period and haven't had the time to get to know him fully. Any reasonable person would advise you to walk away, at best it an unbelievably messy situation, even if he dumps his pregnant girlfriend for you. At worst he is love bombing & manipulating several women.

BeLilacSloth · 29/01/2025 11:20

Do wake up OP. He’s a player and 3 months in to a relationship he is not your ‘soulmate’. Find something else to focus on and move on.

workshy46 · 29/01/2025 11:22

I’m cringing hard for you .. partner .. you have known him five minutes. clearly you are vulnerable.. I do hope you don’t have children but honestly after reading this I now understand who the people are that fall for the Nigerian prince scams .. you sound about 16. Sorry but wake up .. block and move on. It’s been 12 weeks !!!

Butchyrestingface · 29/01/2025 11:22

@Anna2025 He's not your 'partner'. I've got milk in my fridge older than your relationship.

Bin him off. Find another one. And take it easy this time.

MultilingualMummy · 29/01/2025 11:23

crazy to refer to the mother of his child as a 'fling' and yourself as his 'partner' even though you've been dating him for 12 weeks? he's done the right thing and if you truly cared about him you'd agree and let him focus on being a father and supporting the mother of his child.

ttcat37 · 29/01/2025 11:25

You don’t know him. He is a stranger. Kindly, get a grip. He’s not your ‘partner’. He’s a bloke you’ve been seeing for a few weeks. He wants to try and do the best for his child. Don’t be the woman that prevents that.
And, to be so obsessed and smitten by a stranger is an indication that you are vulnerable op. So when the nice man on Facebook says he loves you and can you send him some money, please think twice…

Mugcake · 29/01/2025 11:26

So he thinks he should give the child a family and believes that so much he's leaving you despite being soulmates and having no feelings for this other woman? . . . . .
but he's divorcing his wife and kids?

So giving them a "broken" home?
It doesn't make sense. And even if it did it doesn't matter if he's made his choice. The best thing you can do is look after yourself and move on from him.

UpMyself · 29/01/2025 11:26

OP probably met him online and he's still 'happily married' but using OLD to get free sex.

Pyjamatimenow · 29/01/2025 11:27

Good grief, op. Get a bloody grip

SnoopysHoose · 29/01/2025 11:27

There are other men in the world.
Why do women repeatedly put themselves in these positions, desperate for a man and accepting shitty treatment and potentially bringing kids into it.
All the blame can't be on the man.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/01/2025 11:27

Butchyrestingface · 29/01/2025 11:22

@Anna2025 He's not your 'partner'. I've got milk in my fridge older than your relationship.

Bin him off. Find another one. And take it easy this time.

Please get rid of that milk! Must be smelling dreadful.

Foreverhope1 · 29/01/2025 11:28

Op...

Sadly you're the side chick here...
protect your heart - learn to see red flags, install boundaries.

Tonnes of invaluable advice of others which will go in to how to do this x

TwistedWonder · 29/01/2025 11:29

SnoopysHoose · 29/01/2025 11:27

There are other men in the world.
Why do women repeatedly put themselves in these positions, desperate for a man and accepting shitty treatment and potentially bringing kids into it.
All the blame can't be on the man.

Agree. It seems to not matter how many red flags these men wave and how appallingly they treat women, there’s always someone with a bar so low it’s almost subterranean who is convinced he’s her Prince Charming and they’re star crossed lovers destined to be together

berksandbeyond · 29/01/2025 11:30

You've had a lucky escape, run for the fucking hills

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2025 11:32

Stop being so bloody stupid. He doesn't love you. You don't love him. Fantasies and making up stories in your head just will end in tears. This is the stuff of teenagers.

PiastriThePastry · 29/01/2025 11:34

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

Be real, you barely bloody know him either. You’ve been with him for a couple of months, he’s not your soulmate, he’s a very new boyfriend. As for your rubbish about it ‘not being easy’ trying for a baby, are you having a fucking laugh? For the whole of a couple of cycles, that’s if you were stupid enough to start trying for a baby with someone you literally just met.
i’m sounding a bit mean now I know but honestly this is absolutely farcical, if it’s even real. He’s given you the perfect out, if you don’t grab it with both hands and run for the hills, I really don’t know what t say.

Queenofthejabs · 29/01/2025 11:34

To be honest, I think the op is waving her own red flags and he’s run for the hills. It was less than 2 months, she’s calling a guy she dated a few weeks her partner and talking about the stength of their love. I’d run if some bloke was behaving like that.

WoolySnail · 29/01/2025 11:36

You don't want mean advice, which I get, you're feeling vulnerable and that means anyone saying anything about the love of your life sounds mean to you.
So what do you want from this thread?advice on getting back with him? Getting over him? Or do you just need to vent?x

Strawberrypicnic · 29/01/2025 11:37

If he valued the sanctity of family so much he'd have been more careful not to get a fling pregnant!!

Hedgingmybetching · 29/01/2025 11:38

Anna as gently as possible he's keeping you as a friend because he wants an affair partner waiting in the wings. Please please find someone better, he's still married, has got another woman pregnant and was trying to get you pregnant, this is not a good person, he's quite frankly disgusting. Do not fuck up your life trying to be a pick me for someone like that, you still have time to find someone else, please move on. Xx

justthatreallyagain · 29/01/2025 11:38

If he truly believed this he would not have divorced the mother of his three kids. I am sorry I think he’s being unkind to you and not truthful about why he is breaking up with you

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 11:39

How much time has he had in these 2 months to spend with you, fall madly in love and try for a baby? Has he not been splitting time 50/50 with the three children he has already? Seen as he’s such a family man who wouldn’t want his children to experience the broken home he did…