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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
Nicecuppatea2025 · 29/01/2025 09:54

Sorry OP but he’s dumped you. That’s it.
There’s no love story here.
Don’t be his “friend”.
Sorry.

Over40Overdating · 29/01/2025 09:56

You’ve known him 12 weeks.

He is not your partner or your soulmate. He’s a man you were seeing for a very short amount of time.

Despite going through a divorce he’s managed to get another woman pregnant, date you, convince you to try to get pregnant and then binned you off for his earlier fling.

You clearly are vulnerable and lacking in self esteem to be speaking like this about a man you barely know, who has been putting it about and love bombing.

The fact he was willing to try for a baby with you after 2 months and then left you for a previous fling who is pregnant is waving huge red flags. He is either incredibly careless when it comes to contraception or has some fetish about getting women he barely knows pregnant.
In either case, you have had a lucky escape and need to go get checked for STIs.

Mmhmmn · 29/01/2025 09:58

Meant with kindness OP, I think you need to have a good think about how to cast off rose tinted specs when it comes to men’s behaviour: pay attention to what they do more than what they say. Lots of men are full of shit and will say anything to get you twisted round their finger. You have to be so careful to avoid serial shaggers and emotional fuckwits.

Ilikeanicecupofteainthemorning · 29/01/2025 09:59

she isn't 'a fling'
she's a woman and apparently a woman he was in a relationship with
have a word with yourself, grow up and leave them to it

Billyblue47 · 29/01/2025 09:59

You have know him for 3 months. 3 months. I've had food going off in my fridge for longer than that. You don't really know him at all. You know the facade he's shown you. He's getting divorced. He has 3 kids. If keeping his kids in a family was important to him he would have done everything to save his marriage with his wife. Instead he's been irresponsible and got a fling pregnant and it also sounds like he's been trying to impregnated you. Was he thinking about his kids while he's trying to breed up the place. His kids ate going through a divorce they don't need a new sibling in the mix. Honestly, it sounds to me like he cares more about his ego and his dick than he cars about his kids. It also sounds like you have been well and truly love bombed.

Catch a grip. It's been 3 months. It was messy already and it's even messier now. Move on.

RareFinch · 29/01/2025 10:00

Work on yourself before getting into another relationship OP.

MinnieCauldwell · 29/01/2025 10:02

Is he actually going back to his wife? Keeping you as a 'friend's, then you are so desperate you become the OW?
He is full of shit...

OwlInTheOak · 29/01/2025 10:03

You've been dating for a matter of weeks.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's been dating the other woman for that time too, considering you were trying to get pregnant I wouldn't be surprised if the other pregnancy was intentional. Some men like the "security" of a woman being dependant and less likely to leave due to a child.

Endofyear · 29/01/2025 10:03

Oh my goodness, where to start? He's not your partner, soul mate or deep love or whatever - you've been seeing him a couple of months!! You don't know him well, you are just getting to know him.

To be honest, the pregnant fling sounds like an excuse. I don't believe he's so selfless that he'd leave a woman he's deeply in love with and planning a future with to be there for a fling, even if she's pregnant. It's highly unlikely.

You really need to ask yourself why you've got so involved so quickly and acting like a lovesick teenager. It's not healthy in a grown woman imo. Please get yourself some counselling.

Over40Overdating · 29/01/2025 10:05

Your title is also potentially not correct - for all you know this woman also considered him her partner and you are the fling.

No one is trying to be mean here, OP, but at 45 this is no way to be behaving over a man who is clearly not being honest or that interested.

As a PP said, if his feeling that children shouldn’t be raised in broken homes is so strong he’s willing to leave you, the love of his life, to make it work with this ‘fling’, then why isn’t he still married to the mother of his 3 children?

We’ve all fallen for bullshit. You aren’t the only one trying to turn what might be a spark of excitement into one true love, but you need to ask yourself why you are so devastated over this. It won’t be to do with him, it will be to do with you, and you can fix that you so never fall for a bullshitters charms again.

He doesn’t want you as a friend, he wants you as his side chick when things are rough with the pregnant lady. Value yourself more.

ERthree · 29/01/2025 10:07

You have been together a short time so were still in the getting to know you stage. Of course it was fun and lovely, all relationships are. You haven't had time to get a bit hacked off with each other.
I would bet my last dollar that the woman that is pregnant is his long term partner or wife.
Have a cry and move on.

spacepies · 29/01/2025 10:07

Its been less than 12 weeks he's not your partner or sole mate.
You know nothing about him yet only his name.
Its not a mills and boon love story it was a bit of fun and it didn't work out.
Think ya self lucky your not tied down with him and move on.

Cattery · 29/01/2025 10:08

You’ve known him 5 minutes.

MsPavlichenko · 29/01/2025 10:08

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

It doesn’t just sound short. It is short.

Even if he is telling you the truth that it was a fling/ONS he is apparently careless enough not to bother about using contraception himself. Either way he will have a life long commitment to his child, and you’d be wise to walk away now.

He may not be telling the truth, he may have love bombed her in the same way he has you, and she too thinks he is her soul mate.

He may not be telling the truth about any of it.

Whatever the truth is you are better off out of it.

Parky04 · 29/01/2025 10:08

NikkiAlexander · 29/01/2025 09:45

Walk away. He's not your 'soulmate' he's a sleaze that got someone else pregnant.

What would you call the woman who became pregnant?

Original poster
Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

OP posts:
Blobbitymacblob · 29/01/2025 10:10

Parky04 · 29/01/2025 10:08

What would you call the woman who became pregnant?

Show quote history

His latest victim?

TwistedWonder · 29/01/2025 10:10

I missed the bit where he wants to keep you as a casual convenient shag friend and doesn’t want to lose having his cake and eating it you.

Honestly OP your post reads like a lovesick 14 year old rather than a grown woman. Whats your relationship history like if this is as good as it gets for you?

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 10:10

You barely know this man. It takes much longer than 3 months to really know someone. You know only what he has shown in the very new and exciting first weeks of dating.

He has shown you that he is currently getting divorced, so that means he is still in the process of leaving of his wife. In that time he has saw fit to start seeing a younger women, and start having unprotected sex with her. He had also already been discussing getting you pregnant.

Sounds more like he’s looking to sow his seed than find a partner.

Sorry OP, sounds like you’ve been love bombed. Believing this man is your soul mate? Your soul mate wouldn’t be rushing off to make things work with the younger women he impregnated, and certainly wouldn’t be selfishly asking you to remain on the scene as a friend. How dreadfully hurtful.

CleanShirt · 29/01/2025 10:10

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

I've had things in my fridge longer than you've known him. It's impossible to know someone that well in such a short space of time.

Rachmorr57 · 29/01/2025 10:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CautiousLurker01 · 29/01/2025 10:11

He wasn’t your partner. He was a BF. Of a few months.

You need to get over him and move on.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/01/2025 10:11

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

You don’t know him. You know the small pieces of information he’s chosen to tell you. You have no idea if any of it is true, or exaggerated, or designed to paint him in a good light. You have no idea how he behaves or reacts in any situation you haven’t had a chance to see him in yet; you have no idea whether he’s having sex with half a dozen other women he invites over on the days he forwent see you.

You’re not a silly teenager - you can’t afford to make silly snap decisions like getting pregnant by a man you barely know because he said some nice things to you.

Zombella · 29/01/2025 10:12

Sorry OP, but you seem a little vulnerable if you think a man you've only known for 3 months is your 'soulmate'.

Cattreesea · 29/01/2025 10:12

OP you need to look at this sensibly, not with romantic nonsense about 'soulmate'.

You have only known this man for a couple of months and he sounds like bad news.

Move on and raise your dating standards.