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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
JoanCollinsDiva · 29/01/2025 10:37

So much to unpick -

He's most likely lying through his teeth.

He would not leave "his soulmate" for a random he has no feelings for just to do the right thing.

You don't even know this man - no one does after a few months.

For 42 years old you sound very naive.

Autumndayz77 · 29/01/2025 10:37

Gently, it doesn't sound short, it is short. You don't even properly know each other.

Best thing you can do is cut all ties, remove him from any social media, delete his number and get on with your life. Keep busy and with time you will be ok.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 29/01/2025 10:38

Come on, someone who you’re in a relationship for “almost 2 months” is not a partner.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 29/01/2025 10:39

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

By definition, someone who "doesn't sleep around" doesn't have flings!

The "my wife cheated" yarn is a story they all tell to reel you in. Learn how men bullshit women so that you don't get taken in again.

Stop doing the pickme dance for this irresponsible tool who can't even bother to wrap his dick.

This isn't "mean" advice, this is the truth that you need to hear so that you walk away from this philanderer and look after yourself better.

Tomatotater · 29/01/2025 10:39

He's not really your partner is he? He's someone you went out with for a few weeks!

cooldarkroom · 29/01/2025 10:40

I'm sorry but you sound like the OW who has been dumped.

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/01/2025 10:42

During the 12 weeks, 90 days you were together you decided he was your soulmate and wanted to have a family and start making babies together.

You got way too deep, way too fast. He's broken it off to try to play happy families with someone he slept with and impregnated on a whim.

I think you've gotten away lucky here and should try to move on.

Dweetfidilove · 29/01/2025 10:42

How are women getting to 43 years old and still getting taken in by such bullshit?

He's already had one broken family. Had unprotected sex with another, creating a second family and has a 3rd woman hopelessly in love with him.

This man is not your soul mate and I pray, for your sake, that he doesn't come back to you.

Miaowzabella · 29/01/2025 10:43

You have had a narrow escape. Life with two sets of stepchildren and two exes who are still to a certain extent in your partner's life would not have been the happy ending you crave.

Moveoverdarlin · 29/01/2025 10:44

No offence but a two month relationship is a fling. It sounds like he has an ex-wife, fling #1 and fling #2. You’re fling #2.

Thank god you didn’t get pregnant by him. What a shit show that would have been.

Wish him well and move on.

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/01/2025 10:45

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

So he has 3 children who have just experienced the break up of their family and are probably feeling very upset, unsure and displaced.

And the wonderful man that he is, he gets one woman pregnant and is trying to get another one pregnant too.

Does that really scream "Good Dad" to you?

waterrat · 29/01/2025 10:45

If there is no 'feeling' between him and the mother of the baby - then he shouldn't be having a proper relationship with her. He could be a good and involved dad without that as he knows well.

I think you need to massively step back here - if he genuinely loves you- and if this is all a genuine fuck up - then he needs to learn that and miss you and make his own way back

It's a strange decision in our modern times to go into what is essentially an 'arranged' relationship just to be a parent. There is no need for it and it's unlikely to work.

Do NOT agree to be friends. Path of severe pain for you. And he gets to have his cake and eat it

I think you need to accept he is likely to be acting on feelings for the other woman here.

Garlicnorth · 29/01/2025 10:45

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

We don't know him the way you do, because we've never met him. You've only known him for 3 months. You don't know him either!

Your OP said "He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy." Do you mean you were already trying to get pregnant? You've only known him for 3 months!

Was he keen to get you pregnant, despite only knowing you for 3 months? How long was the fling that resulted in a pregnancy? Did you know that some men have a fetish about getting women pregnant?

You said "He truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family." And yet he left his family of 3 children, didn't he?

I understand you're desperate in love at the moment and I'm sorry for your loss. But your reaction's rather extreme for a relationship of less than 3 months. I'm a bit worried that, when he comes to you claiming he wants to be friends, you will get pregnant in a frantic attempt to keep him. It won't work; you'd end up with a broken heart and a baby.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 29/01/2025 10:45

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

Even if you'd been trying for a child the day you met him (which would be insane), that's only 3 attempts. How can you say it hasn't been easy? It can take more attempts for people in their 20s!

AngelicasNicePudding · 29/01/2025 10:46

Sorry but he sounds a waste of space.

Not only has he 3 children already but he's taken a risk with contraception and got a 'fling' pregnant.

And within weeks of that he was dating you.

This is not how good, responsible men behave.

You also can't love someone after a matter of a few weeks- it's lust.

You need to walk away and leave him to it.

waterrat · 29/01/2025 10:46

he also should not have been talking to you about more children - so short a time after meeting you when he has THREE kids to take care of.

Zoflorabore · 29/01/2025 10:47

Actions speak louder than words op. That is all.

Crazybaby123 · 29/01/2025 10:47

Everything about this is concerning. Three months is not enough time to get that emotionally attached and be trying for a baby. He clearly had goals to start a family soon, which is probably why he talked about it with you. He has now acheived this goal with somebody else and seems perfectly happy with that. How do you know that he hasnt been saying the same things to her? Sounds like he hedged his bets and first to the post won. Sorry OP, but this is something you should walk away from and do not remain friends, you don't know him well enough to know anything about how he will behave once the child has arrived, or that despite what he says to you he doesn't say the same to the other woman. In anycase he has said he wants to be with her, not you.
He sounds cowardly tbh and the be friends thing is either him stringing you along to hedge his bets or he hasn't got the balls to tell you it's over. 'Lets be friends' is what you say when you want to leave but can't tell someone straight.

Diomi · 29/01/2025 10:48

The person in your mind who is your soul mate is not the same as the man who has left you to be with another woman.

diddl · 29/01/2025 10:48

Perhaps he also told this other woman that he wanted to have a family with her?

He's in is 40s with 3 kids & wanting more?

AngelicasNicePudding · 29/01/2025 10:48

He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

But he does sleep around with women.
He's had a 1-night stand (ish) and moved straight on to you. And maybe there are ore you know nothing about.

And- to repeat- he's not a partner.
He's a boyfriend at best who you've known for a few weeks.

Catlord · 29/01/2025 10:49

I see the careful readers are out in force.

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with him as a person, OP. He could just be trying to do what's right. Nobody is perfect. Harsh on you though.

Don't fixate on him being a love bomber etc or whatever or your soul mate or anything that might have been, good or bad. I fully understand how much this hurts as the short relationships with potential are a pain as you're dealing with only potential not facts to get over. It's hard but you'll get there.

I would concentrate on the brevity of the relationship. 2-3 months is well within the window of time it takes for incompatibilities, irks and coolings off to happen, even with the most promising start. Been there.

Keep reminding yourself it was still in fling territory for the two of you even though it felt like much more. That length of time may work out long term but is far from certain. Remind yourself there's a chance that baby or no, it may have fizzled anyway and try to move on from a 2-3 month dating relationship NOT a lifetime's potential which may or may not have petered out in another month anyway. By all means process this loss but don't make it something it isn't. Very easy to do at this early intense stage.

Lurkinmn · 29/01/2025 10:49

Have I read this right, he's got 3 kids already and his is going through divorce, which means he has already broken his family with 3 kids and he's still technically married but already got another women pregnant and alongside all this he's trying to get you pregnant as well in your 2 months relationship. He's a twat not anyone's soulmate.
Run away as fast as you can.

IHateBakedBeans · 29/01/2025 10:50

If he was that worried about kids being brought up without parents he'd have worn a condom. He didn't.

He will spin this every which way and you will believe him because you want to. Save yourself the hassle. Move on.

I don't mean this harshly or unpleasantly. I just know how this plays out.

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 10:50

Let’s put it this way. If he was such a family man, who would never want a child to have a broken home, the very least he would do - the VERY least, is not have unprotected sex before he was in a stable situation.

So yes, maybe he has had to sadly get divorced because his wife was so terrible (aren’t they always?) and that had nothing to do with him; a blameless vessel through and through. But he absolutely would not risk bringing another child into the situation until he was settled with a new partner. A real partner, not a fling or someone he’s dating for 2 months. Because surely he wouldn’t want to bring a baby into a broken situation? Not this Adonis.

Like it or not, he’s chosen to have unprotected sex and risk pregnancy with not one but arguably two short term flings while still not divorced from his wife. You’re going to have to break that illusion that he is only going back to the previous woman because he couldn’t dare leave a child. He cared so little that he risked having her pregnant and yourself at the same time.

How would you feel if you found yourself pregnant also? And how would you then feel if he still chose the first woman, as he has already decided to make it work with her? Timeline here is atrocious and lacks any basic responsibility on his part. He doesn’t give a fuck about the child being brought into this.