My partner got a fling pregnant

[Anna2025]

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

I think you have to forget him.
If you remain his friend you’ll very soon become his friend with benefits aka the other woman. That is really going to mess with your emotions, you’ll have all the problems and none of the happiness.

No. A man with 3 kids and not yet divorced has got one woman pregnant and was apparently trying to do the same with you. I mean the red flags are massive.

comments like these are so horrible. If you think the OP is vulnerable, pointing her in the direction of advice and support is what you should do. Not ‘sorry but you’re vulnerable’:

How many weeks pregnant is his other girlfriend? Surely not more than twelve weeks?

Tests are accurate very early in pregnancy. She is probably just another girlfriend who he was seeing at the same time as you.

In any case, he's decided to stick with her. I'm sorry you're so upset, but he doesn't sound like a good man at all.

BTW he isn't your partner. You've only been dating for eight weeks. And trying to get pregnant with a man you hardly know is very foolish - he already has enough children anyway.

It sounds to me like he was looking for somewhere to live.

You will be a fool if you stay with him. Ds2 dad probably told the woman he cheated on me with and went off with during my pregnancy that ds2 was conceived via ‘a fling’ which was very much a lie.
Their relationship only lasted a few months before he attempted to crawl back.

And yet he has dumped you to try and work as a family with this 'fling' if he supposedly loved you and cared for you he would be with you? You need to move on and forget this guy. It wouldn't work him being with you and having to support and be a father to another child because you would always have in the back of your head 'what if' as in he gets feelings for her or whatever else. You was together what 2-3 months just cut your losses and move on.

No one is ever quite as loved up as a hobosexual in need of a place to stay.

You need to catch a grip. You have know him for 3 months. You don't know the real man yet. You know a facade. A decent man would understand that his kids have experience terrible instability and upheaval. Instead of moving from woman to woman sowing his seed irresponsibility he would be insuring that he creates a consistent, peaceful and stable environment for his kids. You know the ones that actually exist.

You need to work on your own shit. Also stop calling him "partner". He isn't your "partner" you are giving him and yourself to much importance. Its a 3 month relationship and even calling that is kind. 3 MONTHS.

You haven’t event been in a relationship for two months and you are trying to get pregnant. If you were my friend IRL, I’d tell you to get a grip.

This man is still married to his wife and has a baby with another woman on the way. You say it’s a fling, but how do you know they weren’t TTC during their brief time together?

I would be very concerned about his willingness to procreate and form families with women he barely knows. Either he has emotional issues or it’s a yarn he spins to go bareback.

For comparison, when I’m less than two months into a “relationship”, I call it dating.

He’s already got 3 kids, he’s getting divorced (I thought he wanted to give his kids a family), has another kid on the way, and was talking about getting you pregnancy within 8 weeks? Did he leave this other woman to be with you? He sounds like a player, a love bomber, and a future faker. He has given you his calling card. Run away before he starts manipulating you for sex without the relationship you want.

GROW UP YOU ARE NOT A TEENAGER. He's not your soulmate, he might be a nice guy but you don't know him at all. Why have all the complications of a bloke who is not yet divorced with kids and another on the way? Contemplating having a baby with someone you don't know is lunacy. You are too old for a baby anyway at 45. People aren't being mean to you they are being realistic.

It sounds like he spent a couple of months love bombing you. He probably did the same to the woman he got pregnant.

He is not your soulmate. You probably haven't even seen the real him. Please let it go and don't idolise what might have been - you risk ruining any future relationships by comparing them to what amounts to a fantasy.

I was love bombed for three months, then emotionally tortured for two months, then ghosted. It hurt like hell, but until the behaviour started to change I 100% thought he was the man for me, and that we would be engaged by the end of the year. It's glaringly obvious to me now that this was textbook emotional abuse, but you can't see it when you're in it. Personally I think you've had a lucky escape.

Not sure I would believe his sorry tale. He sounds a total chancer.

His life sounds rather complicated at the moment. Timing is everything in relationships and it is clearly not the right time.

He’s a mess, still married, has 3 kids!!!!! And a 4th on the way with a ‘fling’
you say and hope he has no chemistry with the ‘fling’ but open your eyes , he had enough to get her pregnant
leave this mess and breathe a sigh of relief. Do not be his friend!!!!

What is going on with some women these days? The amount of posts like this are insane! Trying for babies 3 months in a relationship, saying guys they've known for 5 mins are soul mates 🤦🏼‍♀️😳 have some self respect and some dignity!

OK so you do you OP and see how that works out for you 😬🤦‍♀️

'He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.'

please tell me you haven't been trying for a baby with a man who is not yet divorced and already has 3 children and you have only been dating for ' almost 2 months '

and on top of all this, his previous short relationship is pregnant with a child by him - so he is already going to be a daddy for the 4th time.

Good grief ! give your head a wobble -- you don't even know him properly.

Start praying you don't end up being a friend with benefits !

and he must earn a bloody fortune with all the CMS he is paying / will need to pay

He isn't even divorced yet !!!

It's been less than three months. You don't know him either. Sorry to be blunt, but that is the truth of it.

You are well rid of him but I predict he will still try and have you as a fling on the side while he goes back to the mother of his new baby. And he will convince you it's because he's such a great and moral person for not wanting the kid to grow up without a family, not because he's a manipulative player.

Are you that keen to have four step kids living with you part of the time? Think of the money he'd be spending on their upkeep

Trying for some kind advice. At 45, you will have had your heart broken a few times. In walks a man selling you a dream.
They always say the wife cheated or is mentally unstable or a combination of both.
The fact is he created a first family, with children, and walked away.
He then got someone else pregnant.
Then he met you and there is talk of a baby.
That is not a responsible, family man OP. It’s a man behaving like an irresponsible teenager.
Of course, he has known all of the words and actions needed to get a woman to fall in love with him quickly, and he will know who they will work on.
You have only known this man on the surface for a few weeks. It takes a good couple of years to really see who someone is, and even then, time reveals more.
Mumsnet is full of threads who have met a man like this who is the dream man. And some time later, usually after a baby arrives, they completely turn on them.
At some point he probably will come back with more dream selling.
I know it’s hard, I know it hurts but at 45 you need someone you can really depend on. Someone who will be there through thick and thin, someone who you build trust with over time. That’s a true partner.
My only advice would be to take some time out from dating this man or any man. Spend time with family and friends doing things you enjoy.

You were in a relationship for two months, eight whole weeks and believe his love for you is strong??

So if this is all true (his story, I mean), he’s a man with 4 children who have two different mothers, one of whom (the fling) he fathered a child with accidentally at the age of 43 () and has decided to go back to, unwillingly, for the sake of his unborn child? He was also trying to father a child with you, after being in a ‘relationship’ with you for 12 weeks? Hmmm.

Even if it is all true, (it’s not) do you want to get embroiled in such a complicated and unsatisfactory set-up? He’s not your soulmate. He sounds like a serial shagger who’s concocted an elaborate story to get out of his current fling with you.

If he’s so principled, why didn't he stay with the mother of his 3 children so as not to break up that family? There’ll be a good reason, no doubt. If he does stay in contact with you, it’ll be so you can be his bit on the side, while he maintains he’s ‘doing the right thing’ by his 4th child with a ‘fling’. Convenient.

we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me

2 months is nothing. You're still getting to know each other. Madness that you were talking about planning a family together