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Original poster

My partner got a fling pregnant

273 replies

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 09:38

I met my now ex partner almost 3 months ago, we have been in a relationship almost 2 Months. Yes it does sound short however this has been the best relationship of my life and I know he is my soulmate in my heart. He’s always treated me well and wanted to build a family with me. I am 45 and he’s 43 but going through divorce and has 3 kids. Few days ago he broke up with me as he got a call from a woman he had a fling with before we met. She’s pregnant. Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child. I am so heartbroken more than my past relationships that I had for years.. I don’t know how to cope. He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy. I am so sad and I don’t know what to do :( he said he wanted me to be there as a friend as he doesn’t want to lose me. Please help.. I am Praying he will change his mind and realize that his love for me is that strong that we can make this work and that he can still be a good father to the child and support for the mom :(((

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 29/01/2025 10:13

No one is being mean - we’re all keeping it real and telling you to wake up and smell the coffee.

People are not going to just blindly validate what they see as ridiculous so it’s your call whether you listen to the unanimous opinions on here or carry on mooning over a man who has chosen someone else.

You sound extremely vulnerable OP - please don’t let that stop you seeing red flags because you’re wearing rose tinted specs.

ColourBlueColourPurple · 29/01/2025 10:13

"Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family."

But he's left his first set of children without a 'family'. So he's leaving them to a "broken home" but is leaving you to give this fling and unborn baby a family? I'm not sure this is making sense. How old are his 3 children?

You sound quite vulnerable OP. Are you desperate for children and see this man as your last chance due to your age? Do you have people in real life that will give you a kind but sensible take on all of this?

Mjmum10 · 29/01/2025 10:14

Sorry to say it sounds like he's keeping you as an option in case it doesn't work out with this other woman. I personally wouldn't hang on and wait for him to decide, best trying to move on hard as it may seem now

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 10:15

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

You don’t know him the way you seem to think you do. You only know what he’s chosen to show you. How do you know he’s telling the truth about the wife, the “fling” - any of it? And besides, he’s not asking you to be with him. He’s telling you he’s choosing to make things work with the “fling” he impregnated. That makes her his partner, not you.

We aren’t being mean, we are being real. You need to open your eyes here. He’s told you he wants you to be a friend. You’re only hurting yourself imagining a world where this other woman means nothing to him, besides as the mother of his child.

I think the fact he impregnated anyone so quickly is a red flag in itself. He’s a grown man, he knew what he was doing having unprotected sex. He even discussed trying to get you pregnant and you said “it’s been hard because of my age” - does this mean you were also trying/not using protection already?

healthybychristmas · 29/01/2025 10:15

What concerns me is that he didn't protect her from pregnancy. He was entitled to have a fling but why wasn't he using contraception?

It's a shame as you really liked him but you didn't know him very long and you don't know how it would've panned out if you'd stayed together.

CocoPlum · 29/01/2025 10:15

There was chemistry enough with this woman that he wanted to sleep with her.

She may have been a fling for him but your title is misleading. He is barely a boyfriend at 12 weeks, not your partner (especially on MN where I would probably be told my DP of a decade is just a boyfriend as we don't live together!). He is not a long term partner who had a fling with another woman during your relationship. He's a man who had sex with a woman, things ended, he started dating another but has decided to try to give it a go now she's pregnant.

You've fallen fast and hard and I'm sure you are devastated but it's been 12 weeks. Please treat yourself kindly and move on x

namechangeGOT · 29/01/2025 10:16

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

Have you had an STI check yet?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 29/01/2025 10:17

Less than 2 months... so, 7 weeks or so? That's how long you've been dating?

I understand you have a strong feeling about him but it will pass as quickly as it arrived.

You'll be OK.

Rawnotblended · 29/01/2025 10:17

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/01/2025 09:49

OP, I have - and this isn’t even an apocryphy - things in my fridge older than your “relationship.” This man isn’t your partner and nor is he your soulmate. He’s a man you briefly dated to work out whether you were compatible enough to form a relationship, and it’s quickly turned out that you aren’t. Block his number and move on.

And for goodness’ sake, stop talking about having babies with men you’ve known a matter of weeks. If you’re saying again, take things slowly, work out what sort of behaviours are red flags, and stop thinking that a fairytale will land in your lap. You don’t “love” somebody you’ve dated for a few weeks, you’re just desperate for it to be love and are blindfolding yourself to potential blaring warning signs.

Edited

Am just looking at some Parmesan and thinking the same.

OP bin and move on. Cut it DEAD. No lingering phone calls and texts. Get out and stay out.

carbonara for tea.

BatchCookBabe · 29/01/2025 10:17

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

Oh FGS walk away @Anna2025 Surely no woman is so desperate that she would stay with a man who has got another woman pregnant. Praying and hoping he 'picks' you is just embarrassing. Walk away. No woman deserves a loser like this!

UpMyself · 29/01/2025 10:17

Give men up and get a cat

CleanShirt · 29/01/2025 10:17

UpMyself · 29/01/2025 10:17

Give men up and get a cat

This is the best thing I've ever done.

Daisypod · 29/01/2025 10:18

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

He doesn't sleep around but he's trying to get you pregnant what within a month of being together, that's not a strong respectful relationship

BatchCookBabe · 29/01/2025 10:19

I completely agree with the posters saying that you don't know this man at ALL. You have been dating 7-8 weeks! FGS I have had yogurts in my fridge longer than that!

CatsBeCrazy · 29/01/2025 10:19

You only know what he is telling you OP . It doesn't make it true. He isn't yet divorced but spreading his seed about. That's absolutely irresponsible . That isn't a good man OP

Shireswoman · 29/01/2025 10:19

I do wonder if the op and the pregnant lady have their own homes.
No man falls in love faster than a divorcee living back at home with his parents/friends.

Over40Overdating · 29/01/2025 10:20

@Anna2025 no one is being mean. They are being realistic. You don’t actually know this man very well at all. You know what he’s chosen to tell you.

You seem determined to paint yourself as a midlife Romeo and Juliet, forced apart by cruel circumstance when the reality is, he was was shagging about, hopped from one fling to another and has now hopped back to the person who got pregnant first as that’s clearly what he was after but you can have the crumbs if you sit by the sideline.

Is that really all you think you are worth?

TwistedWonder · 29/01/2025 10:20

So he doesn’t ’sleep around’ but he’s having unprotected sex with two women he barely knows in a short timeframe - and that’s what he’s told you about!

It doesn’t matter if you think everyone here is being ‘mean’ - he’s made his choice. Don’t demean yourself doing the ‘pick me’ dance

hopeishere · 29/01/2025 10:20

He is not a partner after two months he's barely a boyfriend.

Forget about him.

Latenightreader · 29/01/2025 10:20

I'm sorry if you think we are being mean, but distance means our eyes are clearer.

My first instinct is he's looking for somewhere to live after being kicked out of his marriage. Either that or it is an attempt to prove to his (almost) ex-wife that he's moved on from her by having a new partner and family. I don't know how long ago he split with her, but rebound relationships rarely seem to last.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/01/2025 10:21

You barely know him and he's love bombed you throughout. Did you meet this chancer online?.

Saying the counsel is mean is a defensive move on your part because you know deep down that you picked a wrong un.

Your boundaries here, perhaps already skewed by past poor relationships, have been further eroded by this individual now. With his three children and a divorce looming he does not need another relationship at all. These types are looking to find some sap of a woman to look after them.

RobinHeartella · 29/01/2025 10:21

He wanted to have a child with me but with my age it hasn’t been easy.

You've only been dating 2 months.

A) that's way too new a relationship to start trying for a baby

B) not conceiving for 2 whole months hardly constitutes infertility!

Op I say this kindly but you are being very silly. You hardly know this man. Why the mad rush to have his child?!

Lavenderblossoms · 29/01/2025 10:21

Anna2025 · 29/01/2025 10:09

I’m not asking for mean advice… his ex wife of almost 15 years cheated on him twice… I’m sorry but the judgment here are way too much. None of you knows him the way that I do. He is an honest and good man who doesn’t sleep around women. It just so happens he had a fling before he met me..

People aren't being mean. They are trying to make you see sense and save you from further heartbreak. You're thinking with chemicals right now and not logic.

He is not your soul mate and is not a partner when you only knew him for 2 months dating. You saw his best behaviour but not his true self. You don't know him well enough.

Leave his soap opera behind. You cannot be his friend feeling this way, it will torture you. Do not be his fall back girl. He's keeping you there for one reason only. Please see sense and send hin packing. He does not love you!

HoppingPavlova · 29/01/2025 10:21

but going through divorce and has 3 kids

Because he grew up on a broken family, he truly believes that when you bring a child into this world, you need to give the child a family. He has chosen to leave me eventhough our love for each other is that strong due to his beliefs. To try it out with this woman that he has no feelings for if there may be a chemistry eventually for the sake of the child

Those things don’t really go together. He has 3 kids and is getting divorced (understand maybe the wife demanded it, but still). But feels so strongly about being with someone he doesn’t want to be with for the sake of kids so he’s shacking up with the fling. Two and two is not adding up.

Also quite gobsmacked that it’s been three months yet you say you have had issues getting pregnant 😳.

This whole thing is more than a side serve of odd. I’d say you have dodged a massive bullet.

Uricon2 · 29/01/2025 10:21

This guy has a LOT of baggage and TBH, if he was so adamant about "giving a child a family" he would still be working on the marriage where he has 3 kids.

Sorry, it all sounds like an excuse/get out to me and I'd be taking everything he says with a packet of salt. It is possible to "fall in love" quickly but it doesn't mean that you're soulmates or that it will work out. Talking about starting a family with you, after 2 months, shows how little serious things really mean to him.