Husband moving to Dubai without us.

[PolyplaxSerrata]

Has anyone on here got any experience of their spouse moving abroad for work without them?
This is a decision based on the financial benefits and neither of us are happy about it but have discussed it, and are willing to live apart for the two years required.
We have two teenage children and I have a job I love in the UK, and I didn't enjoy Dubai when we visited a few years ago.
I don't want to live there.
Is anyone else in this situation?
How do you cope?
I know I'm going to resent having to sort out all the kids and house stuff while DH gets to just look after himself, but financially we will pay off the house and be comfortable.
If others who have some this have any suggestions or tips, I'd be grateful.
Our marriage is pretty good and I trust DH as much as you can trust anyone. He's not a party person and doesn't drink or do drugs, but enjoys exploring new places. He doesn't make new friends easily, and I worry he'll actually be a bit lonely.

From what I could gather all the guys living away from home lived a single man's life and spent all their money having far too much fun. Took their wedding rings off at the airport and had the freedom to do as they chose to. The local women spot them a mile off and fleece them for gym memberships, nice apartments and anything else they can get! Meanwhile the wife at home struggles on raising the kids whilst juggling keeping the house and everything ticking over.. fortunately I also worked part time and was pretty independent. I've not heard one good story come out of this type of arrangement, stupidly it never crossed my mind but his first affair was just a month after leaving so it was clearly on his mind the minute he touched down miles away from home. The good news is he ended up with nothing, including me and our boys. Karma is a blessing 🙏

Honestly I would be more worried he maybe lured into the way of life there. A friend of mine lived there with her family for over 10 years. She admits its like a bubble there. Its also very easy to get into trouble if your not careful. Again from known experience. Seems a bit like that film where a guy pays a million for a night with his wife. Is the money really worth it for the possible reality that he could stray.

But it could be perfect and all the above concerns could be worth the possibility of a better pension.

Interesting that nobody is thinking of the husband. He is the one leaving his family to life and work 1000''s miles away, to make life better for him and his family. He is the one who will not even see his kid at the weekends now. Sounds like he is a workaholic so no doubt will continue to do so while he is in Dubai. Hardly a jolly.

The husband will be just fine. I've lived and worked there, the ME is full of married men living the single life having a lovely time. Don't you worry about him. Or are you joking maybe..

If he’d been the one posting for advice, I’m sure people would be considering him more. But he didn’t, so people are concentrating on the OP, who has asked for advice.

Yes its a very work hard play hard culture. He'll have a great time I'm sure. I knew a lot of men in relationships out there without their families all having a ball.

Can you imagine having 2 years away from the drudge and responsibility. Basically living as a single person in the sun - great restaurants, great bars, beach clubs, brunch every weekend. Knowing all the time that your partner was at home holding the fort. Living the fucking dream

I am in similar situation my husband wants to move there too I am not sure about it

If you want to message me, feel free. My DH leaves in a month.

I know a family that lived there for 10 years. It's like being in a bubble. The outcome of this wasn't in their favour.
Dubai has a wonderful candy coating. And a dark oily inside.

Indeed. Whatever gains financially will be swallowed up in the lifestyle.

If people really want to make money fast Saudi is a far better choice. Yes there is a lively expat community with married men living a single life but the opportunity to spend extravagantly socially is more limited.

Dubai for married men is a bit like a student moving to Magaluf or Ibiza for some study and quiet time.

No personal experience but two close friends who have: one loved the distance but her DH used to dismantle his motorbike on the living room floor, and was very argumentative, so when he left for 18 months to live abroad for work she said she was happier! My other friend felt sad the whole time and really missed him, and eventually moved herself and their kids over to Canada to be with him. I think it depends what kind of relationship you have? I will say this though; both of these men wanted to stay in the new country with the new job and life and I hear that can be common...

It’s a big trade off you are making. He gets to make a shiny new bachelor life for himself while you have all the parental and domestic duties. You are already resenting it now. I would not allow it as there are all kinds of temptations when a man is living away fr home like this.

I know a few people who have done it and it worked well. They saved a lot of money. Do be prepared for the length of time to extend though. This has happened by a year or 2 for everyone I know.

The only thing I would warn about is that they have tended to find it difficult to find a good role when they eventually return. Depending on the industry, I think that off shore sand jobs are not looked at as favourably on a CV. So they really did need that bank of savings to rely on when they returned. It took one chap over a year to find a job once he came back.

Totally agree. Also being male you can get away with more. But! Being arrested is a big risk. You need to know the culture because you play to hard and fast and you end up in prison. The stories I've heard. I wouldn't step foot there.

I would be happy for DH to do this, but I would expect his wages to be paid in to the joint account and I would be personally holding the additional money in a private account and would then pay him an allowance (rent/food/fun per month).

There is no way that I would allow my DH to move abroad without me having full and complete financial control due to men being men.

@redhorsehairdressing We did a situation where DH was in KSA and I was in the UK for two years. I’ve ended up going over We’ve made a stack of money and plan on retiring in the next five years. Dubai May be different but I’ve met lots of people who miss their family and doing it to bank a life changing amount of money to give them financial freedom. Not everyone is living a glitzy life but doing it for the bigger picture.

Have you factored long term benefits in? I know a few people who have moved to the ME whose companies out there don’t make any pension contributions. More upfront benefits, less down the line. And have you costed in plenty of childcare / cleaning for you, so that you can continue to have a life, and not simply take on even more family-focussed domestic load, while your husband does none of it?

Pay your stamp and state contributions while overseas every Brit I know does this. Still less than 20% tax. Most folk also save into a variety of investments to account for the lack of pension while working overseas. It’s not a barrier.

Dubai or Saudi is a nope especially the latter nothing would make me step foot in there !