DH said I’m ’not unattractive’

[XNotquitereadyX]

My DH asked me if I thought he was attractive. I asked in what sense ie looks, personality, etc. I obviously said of course he is attractive and he is a good catch. I then asked him the same question. This was all said very casually.

he said I wasn’t unattractive. I’m older so have aged and I used to be much more attractive.

I told him he has knocked my confidence. He doesn’t really see that he has said anything wrong. I just feel like he no longer finds me attractive. We also haven’t had sex for ages which now explains things.

oh also I’m currently heavily pregnant so don’t feel myself at all.

Is this really the first time he has said such horrible things about you or others, then sought to gaslight you about it? If you think back.

Even if so, it’s nasty and suggests some sexist attitudes, at best. Suggests he’s not as trustworthy as you’d thought. Keep your eyes open.

I did read the op yes!!
Did you?
The whole situation is ridiculous.

Your assumption is a reach. My first reaction would have been to ask him why he’s asking. I’d assume there’d been some conversation with his mates or colleagues and he was curious.

You must be Team Negger too…for daring to think that you don’t a question if you are not prepared for an honest answer!

Particularly if you have your suspicions anyway!

He then said generally men age better than women

hahaha! this made me cackle- no they bloody dont! All the older women I know look fab and make a real effort to stay fit. The men I know of similar ages all look like potatoes with thinning hair. I dont know where this stupid generalisation comes from because literally noone I know agrees with this.

Well actually I agree that as soon as he asked the question about how attractive he was it should have started a conversation about why he was asking.

It's just an absurd argument. It is likely to be related to the lack of sex. Men are always insensitive. DP is always complimentary, however, he does have some views which would cause uproar here especially those around appearance.
The cherry on top is the suggestion that men age better-just enough to enrage the hoards.

Tell him his manhood is adequate and smile sympathetically

There's a depressing number of people (women) on here who think it's acceptable and just "objective" for a man to tell his heavily pregnant wife she's not as attractive as she used to be. As kids we're taught "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". Yet adults seem to think it's fine to belittle people and hurt their feelings under the guise of honesty.

I appreciate that sometimes people lose attraction in a relationship. In which case, break it off - don't agree to go through a cycle of IVF with them and then insult them further down the process.

He then said generally men age better than women

Men do not age better than women! At least very, very few imo. Men are just more deluded than women.

OP, it sounds like he's just feeling insecure about his own ageing.

That's a good one!

Or maybe tell him his manhood is not INadequate but not as good as it was when he was younger!

*He then said generally men age better than women

This is something I have only ever heard out of the mouth of middle aged men trying to make themselves feel better about their declining physical appearance whilst also trying to make a woman feel bad.

I have never ever heard a woman say it

I suppose he also thinks that men get better with age😂*

@Greyish2025 I think this is something that is usually trotted out by bitter men. The type who struggled to get a date at 25, and now like to revel in the idea that the women who turned them down are now 'losing their looks'.

The reality is that if these men were unattractive at 25, they are likely to be even less attractive at 40. The men that age well are not the unattractive 25 year olds.

Most men do not age well. I'm late 30s and am regularly shocked when I find out that men are the same age as me. They often look mid-late 40s.

Well, he's got a high opinion of himself hasn't he?

Who says those things to a heavily pregnant woman? Is he expecting you to have a flat belly and washboard abs?

He is being deliberately provocative and cruel for some reason. What's he going to be like when you are giving birth? Will he criticise your looks during labour?

"He then said generally men age better than women."

I think it's the misogyny I'd struggle with the most. If you have a daughter, he believes her worth is based on her age and value to men.

When he said I wasn’t unattractive, I asked him what he meant. He said that I had obviously aged since we first met and used to be really attractive when younger. He then said generally men age better than women.
Fucking hell. When I was pregnant my husband thought I was the most beautiful creature to walk the earth. Because I was carrying his child. I'm in my late 50s and he still adores me. When I ask him how he isn't put off by my softer belly and looser skin he takes me kn his arms and tells me he is the luckiest man alive to be with me.

OP you need to raise your bar

Yep still a cunt.

And you can't have had sex too long ago either?

LTB

As usual the first answer nails it

Your marriage is so dead that you aren’t having sex but it was a good idea to initiate another pregnancy?? Perplexing to say the least.

Better sort out something so the kids aren’t raised in this toxic atmosphere.