DH said I’m ’not unattractive’

[XNotquitereadyX]

My DH asked me if I thought he was attractive. I asked in what sense ie looks, personality, etc. I obviously said of course he is attractive and he is a good catch. I then asked him the same question. This was all said very casually.

he said I wasn’t unattractive. I’m older so have aged and I used to be much more attractive.

I told him he has knocked my confidence. He doesn’t really see that he has said anything wrong. I just feel like he no longer finds me attractive. We also haven’t had sex for ages which now explains things.

oh also I’m currently heavily pregnant so don’t feel myself at all.

Well if it does turn into an argument then he really is a nasty, self absorbed unpleasant man.
You have every right in the world to be upset by his nasty comment.
If that's how you feel then that's how you feel.
Does he generally not like you to form your own opinions and have your own feelings?

He did this on purpose, he knows exactly why it's hurtful, he's not that thick. If you had said the same to him, do you think he'd have been fine with it?

The ageing comment is infuriating. Presumably he has also aged. Or what, is he one of the pervy old men who think they should only date 20 year olds their entire lives?

As a fellow 35 week pregnant girl with greasy hair no makeup ever and baggy clothes, feeling rather bloody fat - I can't imagine how you feel having that sprung on you too. I feel like shit as it is!

What a complete prick he is!

He then said generally men age better than women

This is something I have only ever heard out of the mouth of middle aged men trying to make themselves feel better about their declining physical appearance whilst also trying to make a woman feel bad.

I have never ever heard a woman say it

I suppose he also thinks that men get better with age😂

I agree with what the other posters are saying. It was an extremely insensitive comment especially given you are pregnant.

You have admitted to letting yourself go in various ways. This would only be relevant if this was how he felt before you were pregnant & it was the time he was referring to. If this is his way of trying to make you care more about your appearance he has only served to hurt you more than was possibly intended. It needs a proper discussion.

No they certainly don't! When I went to my school reunion aged 40, most of the women I went to school with had aged much better than most of the bald, pot-bellied men!

Not unattractive = not ugly.
Unattractive = ugly.

He said NOT

What's the problem? Am I missing something

You think ‘you’re not ugly’ is complimentary? You’d be happy if a partner said that to you?

But that's not what he said!

I’m going with your interpretation of what he said. You equated being told she was not unattractive to being told she was not ugly, not me.

So, do you consider that a compliment?

So he is lovely and you are over-reacting and misunderstanding. Poor you, being so simple minded and all that.

I would start dropping comments into your conversations about his small dick, his soft belly and his bald patch, and see if he finds these as easy to laugh off.

Yes you are missing something.

That part of what he said was what used to be termed " damned with faint praise"

The rest of what he said about aging was just downright nasty.

Shouldn’t have asked the question if you didn’t want an honest answer.

I don’t think he’s a cunt for being honest, and there was no way of avoiding the question since you put him on the spot.

I can see how his answer would dent the ego though. You know not to ask now! Just wait for him to volunteer compliments.

It was him who brought the subject of attractiveness up in the first place - which is worrying in itself. So I don't know why you are blaming OP for " asking the question "

What a sad nasty ugly little man he is.
Mind yourself.
I would get the ick.
Good luck OP, with a rude insensitive pig like that I suspect you will need it.
Keep family and friends close to you.

I'm sad for you. He should find you gorgeous in every way if he loves you and be cherishing you through your pregnancy.

Those men don't exist. There are almost no young women who will date men that are out of their age range. Most men are aware of this, so they generally look for women who are likeable and have a good heart.

Absolute nonsense. It's textbook.

It might help if you read the OP .

Either one or both of you need your heads checked. You say you are older... and then you tell us you are 35?!?! Come on OP. A woman is in her prime at 35. I'm your age plus a bit and i think im the fucking bomb after 2 kids. Then I thought well maybe her husband is 25... turns out he is 39! I want to bang your heads together. And also kick him in the balls. Because you are pregnant and he has been a dickhead.

Turn off your TV.

Do you know any 20 year old women in the real world who have relationships with men in their 40s and 50s? It's nonsense. It only exists in TV shows and movies.

"He has been a dickead" being the key words in my previous reply. You are pregnant and absolutely allowed to get upset about his petty dickish comments.

I also have a husband with a rubbish filter but I wouldn't accept this now.

Offer him my congratulations.

He has won ’Wanker of the week’

Yes. Many.