DH said I’m ’not unattractive’

[XNotquitereadyX]

My DH asked me if I thought he was attractive. I asked in what sense ie looks, personality, etc. I obviously said of course he is attractive and he is a good catch. I then asked him the same question. This was all said very casually.

he said I wasn’t unattractive. I’m older so have aged and I used to be much more attractive.

I told him he has knocked my confidence. He doesn’t really see that he has said anything wrong. I just feel like he no longer finds me attractive. We also haven’t had sex for ages which now explains things.

oh also I’m currently heavily pregnant so don’t feel myself at all.

Yep. I mis-read the OP originally and thought that the second bit was her comment to us.

With the update, it’s different.

(While I have my spade, though, it’s totally possible to have the kind of relationship where these kinds of conversations are just neutral observations about life. Obviously, judge the moment!)

So he set up his pregnant wife with a leading question so he could basically insult and denigrate her and make her feel like utter shit?

Nice.

How old is your partner?! Is it a huge age gap?! Honestly it is a dick move for him to be calling you unattractive compared to how you looked a few years ago when you are heavily pregnant. So inappropriate! 🙄🙄🙄 Also men age worse than women, all balding with big bellys! 🤣🤣🤣

He should be rubbing your feet and calling you an absolute queen
I'm sticking with pp first reaction
What a cunt

It gets worse 😳

Is it your first child? Perhaps he's feeling like he's old because he's about to become a parent and has gone all insecure and decided to take that out on you. Pretty much everyone is more attractive in their 20s than their 30s as youth gives you glowing skin and freedom from responsibility that weighs on you as you age. But a good partner, though they might objectively see that you have a few more lines or have gained a bit of weight or always look knackered now you're carrying adult responsibilities, wouldn't give a fuck. I don't see my DH has aged unless prompted to think about it, I see the man I love and find that immensely attractive. I know men think a bit differently but he's still an absolute shithead for saying what he's said. Ask him how he'd like it if he was exhausted and looking like shit because he had flu and you told him he'd let himself go and used to be more attractive. Tell him he needs to seriously buck his ideas up if he's going to be a good father and partner.

I'm sorry op, you appear to have married and procreated with a moron.

What a spiteful pig

This!

He’s clearly insecure (and no men don’t age better than women, hahaha).

Perhaps he's feeling like he's old because he's about to become a parent and has gone all insecure and decided to take that out on you

Or perhaps he's a nasty, shallow prick?

Yes, I think il go with that.

Same

So your husband fished for a compliment, and then used it to insult you?

For the record OP, I've been with my dh 20 years and been pregnant 4 times. He has never told me I'm anything but stunning, beautiful, sexy in all those years - even when I looked like a beached whale and didn't wash my hair for a month with PND.

Your wanker of a husband is NOT a good man.

Oh, and abuse often starts when women get pregnant, they think they've trapped you.

Im sorry OP - he's a shit and he should be treating you like a queen 💐

He sounds so thoughtful, intelligent, wise and caring 🙄

Yeah... He's an idiot

He really is a lovely person and very caring.

^

Really

Gosh that was unkind

I know he is feeling insecure about his age (39) and becoming a dad for the second time. He feels old to be having babies.

I’m thinking of showing him this thread tomorrow to explain how his comments made me feel. He thinks he has just messed up his words and it’s not what he meant.

But I don’t think he realises how much it has knocked my already low confidence.

When I’m about to give birth and need all the oxytocin flowing, I will actually be feeling like he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, while in a really vulnerable position birthing our baby.

He’s really put his foot in it, hasn’t he 😬 Is he generally this clueless?

Is this 'older'? If so I'm fooked

I'd be wondering if his head has been turned or there's someone else on the scene.
I know that's probably deeply suspicious, but for him to ask out of the blue and then insult you like that and say that men age better, i'd be wondering what has prompted it

I’m older so have aged and I used to be much more attractive.
He then said generally men age better than women.
He's met someone. Throw him out.

@XNotquitereadyX you need to tell your dh that he may be physically attractive but his nasty, thoughtless nature is decidedly ugly.

I’m over 60, been married 40 years. My dh still tells me how beautiful I am.

He purposely baited you into that. Be very wary of escalating abuse, it is common to start in pregnancy. Keep a close eye on his behaviour.