DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

that doesn't matter in this instance. yes, it sucks having differing drives, but that doesn't excuse groping when the other partner has made it clear they don't want that

The fact your son sees it make you uncomfortable and speaks up is a huge credit to you @BakeSaleTomorrow. You have raised an amazing guy!

Shame is dad is such a tosser.

My DH had a thing about stroking my arm/hand/leg when we first started dating. At first I laughed it off and told him to give over. As we got to know each other Morland he still did it after I told him to pack it in I did get forceful and told him I wasn't a fucking cat and didn't need stroking all the bloody time.

It sunk in and he has never done it since.

Threaten to chop his hands off if he does it again?

This post gave me the crawling ick. It's sixth form boyfriend behaviour.

Talk to him! Explain that while you know he means it to be a moment of kindness and intimacy it's having the opposite effect for you and offer him some alternative actions to show you care and love.

He may need you to be in contact with him more too so he feels appreciated.

It matters if it's a factor and the OP wishes to understand. I neither stated nor implied it excuses it.

they are if they ignore being told not to grab and stroke at them because they don't want it, and they are if they consider their wife property

Would you think it was assault if a stranger did it to you in the street? Well your husband doing it when you’ve asked him to stop is just as bad, maybe worse.

Ugh, sounds just like my ex, He used to do things like come up behind me, squeeze my bum and say “this is mine, bought and paid for” which made me want to heave. You have my utmost sympathy. Has he always done this or has it started recently?

The sulking would make me want to pour the kettle on him!!!!

Get out. You have bigger problems than arm stroking.

That is weird that your Son comments.

He's not actually joking.

Divorce him.

Grabbing your vulva when he knows you don't want it or isn't sure whether you want it is sexual assault. He has sexually assaulted you.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/3 gives the legal definition.

1a: he's touched you on purpose.
1b: he's touched your vulva, of course it's sexual touching.
1c: you don't consent.
1d: he knows you don't consent because you've told him not.

Autism is not an excuse. I'm autistic and I know what consent means. If I can manage it, so can he.

Your son can see that his father's behaviour is wrong. Validate your son and model what having boundaries looks like by leaving this molester.

@BakeSaleTomorrow

I guess when I think of sexual assault I think of the worst possible scenario. I didn’t think of what he was doing could be classed as assault.

I think sometimes we muddy the waters because the 'assailant' is someone we love; husband, boyfriend, partner, friend. But all you have to do is ask yourself "If a coworker or a stranger did this to me, what would I consider it?" and realize that it doesn't matter who it is, anyone touching your body in a way that doesn't feel good or safe and who doesn't stop when you tell them to is assaulting you.

You know, I can remember when sexually assaulting or raping one's wife was not a crime. Where I live it wasn't criminalized until 1979, the year I divorced the bastard. I know that sounds like ancient days to a lot of MNers, but for those of us 'of a certain age' it was a long time coming. OP, remember what he is doing IS a crime and don't you forget it.

@Youngheartsalittletogetherness - yes I see that the poster has realised her mistake- she said so in her post that came after mine!

It is assault OP. He was deliberately hurting you when you were recovering from giving birth to his child. That is absolutely sickening, I’m so sorry you had to endure that. Please go back to WA. You are NOT his possession.

@LostittoBostik did you read the part when we whacked her vulva while she was still in pain from a traumatic birth? Exactly what do you think she should make him feel appreciated for?

But even stroking her arm if she doesn’t want him to is not ok. Consent doesn’t just apply to the full sex act. I feel sorry for your daughters if you have any @Stressedoutmum6274 what on earth are you teaching them?

The poster has already retracted her remarks after re-reading the OP and has apologised to all for her error.

Now YOURE the one at fault for not reading!

Thanks. I’m definitely going to speak to them again. There’s something my Mum said once that’s stuck with me. During Covid our youngest (when I was WFH) found a tin of paint and threw it down the stairs. I remember being so scared of DH’s reaction, I knew he would loose it. Rang my mum to tell her what happened and she said how she feared that one day DH would “snap” It’s stayed with me ever since.

It's actually not weird. He just means it in a romantic way I guess, I like when my man says "you're mine" (although there isn't any unexpected touching apart from hugs and bum grabbing/kisses which I don't mind and enjoy).

I'm sure the "This arm is mine" is also meant in a romantic way, not controlling, it's just light- hearted.

Read all OP's posts FFS before you post any more inane drivel SolnLuv 😡

So grabbing her breasts and vagina roughly and telling her she’s frigid when she tells him to stop is light hearted and romantic is it? No its sexual assault and abuse.

Those poor ickle men just cant help their dirty gropey hands and women should just let themselves be possessions to be pawed - ffs

Fucking hell the abuse apologists are out in force on this thread.