DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

This post got very disturbing very fast. You need to do your utmost to leave OP. Ring Woman's Aid again he's abusive and his behaviour is all shades of wrong. Plan to leave but do it quietly and without giving him any clue what you're doing. Good luck.

“Get the fuck off me or I will seriously hurt you!” might be an appropriate thing to say.

OP, you do not need to tolerate this. He sounds abusive. I’m assuming you are planning on leaving at some point?

OP, if he thinks of you as a possession then be very serious in making plans to leave asap, and keeping them a secret. He sounds like a high risk for violence.

He sounds like an utter creep. The way he treats you is like something you'd hear about in a completely different culture, not modern day Britain. All that "you are my possession, I own this arm" stuff is like something out of another century. Or a creepy cult.

Yes but has she never explained why and elaborated beyond get off

@OneDeftPombear she doesn't need to explain why - 'get off' should be sufficient.

Thank god I am divorced

we're very cuddly people. always holding hands. cuddling in a queue at the supermarket etc. at home, we like our own little spot at each end of the sofa. and at bedtime, we cuddle.
but even then, he is perfectly understanding if I say to him I don't want to be touched. I'm ND, and sometimes I find it a bit claustrophobic, and I just tell him, I'm feeling claustrophobic. can you give me physical space, and he accepts it.

if you're asking him not to touch you in certain scenarios, he NEEDS to respect that.

This is LTB territory sorry OP.

You don't seem very bothered about the fact your son has watched his dad molest his mum his whole life - and now feels he needs to protect you. You need to be protecting him! Your son is a teenager, your creep husband physically and sexually assaulted you after you gave birth and has carried on since. If not for yourself, can't you see you to leave this man urgently.

Aren't you worried about how much damage it's caused your son to witness this?? He's going to be in therapy once he starts intimate relationships. He won't ever be able to touch a partner without flashbacks to your face when his dad touched you, wondering if he's like his dad. Self loathing, disgust. Witnessing sexual assault every day is awful! The damage is done to his psyche, let him at least enjoy the last years of being a child without witnessing sexual assault every day in his own home.

He makes jokes that I’m his “possession”

He's not joking.

He doesn't think your need for bodily autonomy is as important as his wish to assault you.

I recently separated from a man who did this to me for 30 years. It is such a relief to be able to get dressed without stressing about where he is and stand near people without having to strategise to avoid being blocked into corners.

Please don't wait as long as I did for freedom from this abuse.

@CrowleyKitten what you have with your Dh is lovely and there's respect within your marriage.
What op has with her husband is a million miles away from what you have unfortunately.
Op husband wouldn't know the meaning of respect if it kicked him in the ball's.

Sorry didn't mean to quote your whole post Crowleykitten

OP, do your expectations or preferences about how often you have sex differ from each other?

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. The first post wasn't too bad but they have got more and more serious and creepy. Can you go back to WA and do another risk assessment?

Yeah OP, listen to what people are telling you. If you called Women's Aid before, you know he is abusive. I think our minds downplay events to protect ourselves, but if we confront reality, it will help us take steps to get out. I am speaking from experience.

Your poor son shouldn't be put in a position where he is protecting you. You need to take steps to protect yourself and him from being exposed to this behaviour

@Stressedoutmum6274 rtft it goes way beyond stroking of an arm.
It's out and out abuse her husband is inflicting upon the op.

I feel sorry for you on this. You have no boundaries and your idea of someone loving you greatly is most women's idea of red flags waving beware of a sexual abuser. god help you.

OP, your husband is abusing you physically. Your description of how he behaved after your traumatic labour (I had one too) made me feel sick. Your son can see it. I hope you get help in real life. And you are a better woman than me for not pouring the kettle of boiling water over his abusing rapey hand.

You feel sorry for a sexual abuser who thinks it’s absolutely ok to grope his wife’s breasts and vagina in front of their children and tell he he’s allowed to because he owns her?

Fucking hell that’s not far short of being a rape apologist

I have no boundaries? Okay..

maybe some people enjoy the touch of their husbands and vice versa. Bring out the sexual abuse card here. Jeez! Not every man who strokes their partners arm is an abuser for crying out loud.

Personally I'd start grabbing his balls extremely hard and when he complained you just can't help yourself.

Please put an end to this marriage for the sake of your son. He shouldn’t have to watch his own mum be constantly disrespected, degraded and assaulted like this.

100% - your DS is being taught that women are pieces of meat there to be groped by men and seen as possessions.

If you won’t leave for yourself, do it for your kids

You've missed some of OP's posts.

He touches her in ways that annoy her and will not stop.

He sees her as his Possession

He hurt her after giving birth because he wanted to and didn't care a fuck about her pain.

These aren't the actions of a loving partner.

These are the actions of a sociopath.

It's this 'own wife' stuff that gets me

You are not a possession, you are a person.

And if you don't want your own body touched that is entirely up to you