DH won’t stop touching me

[BakeSaleTomorrow]

It’s constant! His main thing is smoothing my arms - from my wrist to the top of my arm. He does this all the time, when I’m cooking, holding a kettle of boiling water (!) washing up or working. It’s extremely irritating, he can’t walk past me without touching a part of me but it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

I enjoy the touch of my husband just fine.

He doesn't touch me without my consent. He doesn't do what OP described.

Calls me frigid and has grabbed me between the legs before. It’s always “sorry, I can’t help myself” I tore badly after giving birth and I remember months later I was still sore and he would slap my behind very roughly, his hand going between my legs, he knew I was still sore but he kept doing it.

If you think that is ok, you have a problem.

If the OP enjoyed and welcomed the touch, that would be a whole different situation. Surely you can see that?

Why should she put up with being groped, hurt and touched in ways that she dislikes just because someone else migth enjoy being touched in a way they like by their husband? Your comment makes no sense.

Apologies as i only clicked on the first post.
I was responding to the original post.

of course i dont agree with any of this though! My response was for the part i had read about having her arm stroked, i dont support sexual abuse in any way.
And i stupidly hadnt finished reading updates

im sorry!

Woah, from reading your further posts this is much more serious than just stroking your arm. Very serious. I am actually worried for your safety.
Even your son has picked up on it. You're not frigid or over reacting at all.

You have deliberately overlooked the part where he is so rough he physically hurts her, to the extent that her son feels the need to protect her? You have obviously never experienced the humiliation and sheer feeling of degradation from the 'touch of a husband' then. Why the hell are you defending an abuser.

Read ALL of the OP's posts and then come back and tell us how you are seeing a man ‘who loves you greatly'. If you think this is love, I'm very sad for you.

Oh I’m so sorry @BakeSaleTomorrow. You’re in an abusive relationship with a cruel bastard.

None of what you described is normal, loving or respectful behaviour and he’s gaslighting you at every hands turn by blaming you.

Please leave him. It sounds like you’ve become immune to how cruel and sinister he is. None of this is ok.

You are being assaulted

What are your home circumstances? Do you work? Earn enough to split?

Yeah sorry i hadnt finished reading updates.

i didnt see that part. Was responding to the initial message.

now i look abit dim. Am not defending an abuser i think i should have read further!!!!

sorry all.

X post with yours Stressedoutmum6274. Wouldn't have written a snarky reply had I read it.

She apologised two posts back for not reading beyond opening post and has subsequently been informed of op ordeal.

No

This one is.

it’s the arm smoothing that’s giving me the ick! I’ve told him to get off, especially when I’m busy or holding boiling stuff but he keeps doing it and sulks saying that he can’t touch his own wife etc.

The opening post said this. If someone reads this and says she feels sorry for the husband she does have a problem - not just lack of reading the follow on posts.

exactly. my point being that even as very touchy feely people, we both have times we prefer not to be touching, (like us on the sofa each tucked into our corner) and if someone says they don't feel like physical contact for whatever reason, the other stops, without hurt feelings.

but yes, he's very lovely, and I'm so lucky to have him. literally the nicest, kindest, sweetest person I know.

Have you tried chucking said boiling water in his face? That should do the trick!

I saw it as

hubby rubbing OP arm,

in my head i thought it sounded loving, and how sweet of someone..why would it give you the ick.. i wasnt aware of any SA so as i said earlier, i am really sorry to have offended.

please delete that post as im not sure how..

sorry for offending OP and fellow posters. That will teach me!

Of course he can help himself. I assume he manages to restrain himself from stroking his colleagues at work? So he can do it at home.

@Stressedoutmum6274 you made a mistake and were big enough to admit and apologise
Job done 👍

So he slaps your ass, gropes you, grabs your thighs/boobs ect

Op if this was a stranger/work colleague/friend/family member doing this would it be considered sexual assault?

I bet you answered yes.

So why is it not just because it's your husband?

Marriage DOESN'T equal consent. Please get yourself out of this relationship because what's an even bigger red flag than his behaviour is his lack of accountability towards it. Someone who sees no problem with the way they are acting will never think to solve it. If you stay you are condemning yourself to a lifetime of this and also demonstrating to your children to put up with this. And trust me they will, whether they know it's right from wrong because subconsciously it's what they've taken in from being exposed to it.

If someone can't respect your no then they don't respect you. And he has literally outwardly told you his views your body as his own. Does you not having your own say over your own body not scare you?! Where does the line draw.

He is showing affection and love, so it comes from a good place. So instead of getting icky about it, why not say "I know that you love me and this is your way of showing me, but the arm thing is driving me mad especially when I am busy!. I love that you want to show me affection but perhaps we could do that in a different way?"

Rather than "Stop touching me!!!!" because to him that says that you dont want his love and affection.

ETA I havent RTFT so looks like I have missed stuff....

Ofgs, it's not love and affection. Its sexual assault and his way of asserting dominance over her. It's no way to live and I hope the OP has the means to leave him and set up home with herself and her son.

Edited myself. Obs I am not taking the time to read replies. OP I am so saddened for you. I have lived your life and unfortunately it didnt get better until I left. My ds was very young , so he fortunately didnt have to witness it.

Working my way through the thread, I hate this as I get pain sensations. It genuinely hurts. Its like my brain cant work out the difference. Its really hard to describe.

My children and close family know never to do this, as it really does feel the same as being slapped or hit hard with a cane or something....as I said, hard to describe.

I pity your son growing up witnessing his mother being sexually assaulted on a daily basis , how helpless and disgusted he must feel poor boy

As I said, I had only read the OP when I posted and edited when I realised......