Slept with the lodger - what the hell now?

[Idiotcentral]

Moved a man into my spare room a few months back. He is a family friend although I had not met him till last Oct. He is 10 years my junior, very likeable, we get along really well. As friends. Or so I thought till last night after waaaaaaaaaay too many drinks he pretty much kissed me and I did not object, we ended up in bed together. I am a single parent to a child who is thankfully in school today and no wiser as to what happened. It has not been awkward but it is NOT going to be a relationship. I do not want one and especially not with him however his lease agreement is in place and as he is not from the same country as I am and knows nobody else here he wont be looking to move out. He made a quip this morning before going to work about us being 'friends with benefits' but I have never done that before and not comfortable with that arrangement anyway especially with my teenaged child here but what do I do? Obviously discussing it with him is the right thing but we are both single, clearly attracted to each other and really do get along so well but shit we have now had sex. I dont know what to do from here. Bloody stupidity. Actually really annoyed with myself this morning.

Place marking. I need to know what happens during the chat..

Hope it makes you feel good to be so judgemental and unkind from behind a keyboard.

I think we need to start considering MN hats...

It sounds like you're navigating a very complex situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and annoyed with yourself. You’re human, and sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment, especially with alcohol involved. Be kind to yourself, what’s done is done, and now it’s about finding out how to move forward in a way that feels right for you and your family. You’re absolutely right that having an open and honest conversation with him is necessary. It’s important to set clear boundaries to ensure that your living arrangement remains comfortable and respectful for everyone involved, especially with your child in the house. You might explain to him that while you value your friendship and enjoy his company, the dynamic needs to remain strictly platonic moving forward for the sake of everyone’s well being.I f you’re not comfortable with a “friends with benefits” arrangement (and it’s clear you’re not), then it’s okay to firmly say no to that. It’s also worth discussing any potential awkwardness or lingering feelings, and setting expectations for how to coexist peacefully. You’ve already recognized that this isn’t a situation you want to turn into a relationship, and that clarity is a strength. Just take things step by step and remember that your instincts are guiding you toward protecting what matters mostyour child, your home, and your peace of mind.

If you have a connection, mutual respect and both enjoy each other intimately why can’t you just have a monogamous sexual relationship and have no expectations of marriage and children. When it ends it ends. Personally, this is what I would do in your shoes.

All good here thanks, you?

Read her comments. But in a nutshell.. Their parents are friends.
He has lodged with them for months
He makes good money and doesn't need a visa.
There is mutual attraction.
He didn't take advantage of her.
Her SON is 17.

Well it took an unexpected turn last night. We did not have dinner together but he came home late and we had tea and a chat which is all very civilised and I started to wonder if maybe he had actually acted on impulse and regretted things and wanted to just forget it all happened and all plans made etc so I acted myself like nothing happened while to be honest feeling a bit fragile about the situation. Anyway went to my bed, he did not come back downstairs at all so I assumed he now was avoiding me however what actually happened was he was looking at flights to a place we had said we wanted to go to - as in me he and my son and sent me links to a full appartment in that place as we are not fans of hotels either of us and prices of flights for three to this place so I asked him why he was looking at a three bedroomed appartment which surprised me as I was seeing this as him giving me the brush off and heading away on his own for a holiday but basically he was telling me he still wants us three to go to this place as planned and he said three bedrooms so as to be respectful and mindful of my son but hopes we only need two.... he has basically asked us to go abroad on holiday as a family of three. He wants a relationship. I was not seeing this happening. That said... I am throwing caution to the wind. We are going to go. Fuck it life is too short right?

That happened to me 4 months after he moved in & I discovered I was pregnant! Our little girl is 6 months, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been & we’re planning a wedding next year! Crazy how things happen! Chill & go with it is my advice - unless it’s a no-go & you feel awkward, then it would be best for him to move on & out. Good luck! X

Best update EVER!
Go for it. Have a blast and regret nothing! Xx

My friends mum always had a female lodger, about 2 years after my friend moved out they announced they were a couple and getting married.

Self doubt is creeping in. I am normally a confident 'independant woman' type. I dont let my guard down. I know he cant be after me for the money I do not have, certainly not a visa but he is still 10 years my junior. Earns well, is healthy, happy , intelligent. What does he want in me? What if I go for it and then I myself fuck it up with self doubt? Totally new territory for me. I am going to proceed though. Not even with caution but I think booking three bedrooms is a good choice as it gives us time to choose even while on a four day holiday. Wow like wow I honestly believed he regretted everything and was bookng a holiday just for himself to get away from me.

Stop overthinking. Take one day at a time.
The age thing is irrelevant.
The issue is if he ever wants children of his own.
That's something to talk about maybe later?

It's up to you- we don't know him.

Not all men have the urge to reproduce.

Two of my serious ex's (we were in long term relationships) don't have children of their own (they're now very old men!) but one is a step father to his wife's 3 (now adult) children.

I was not expecting those updates this morning!! Don’t overthink this -it’s lovely. He sounds like a good man and he likes and cares for you and your son. It sounds like you deserve to relax and have a nice relationship so if you want to why not take it easy and see what comes. Don’t overthink it. It’s not often someone like that falls into your lap 🙂

I got pregnant 3 times after 40. Please don't skip contraception!!

Fabulous update! So pleased for you. Hope it all works out and that you have stop doubting yourself! Have a lovely holiday!

Many years ago, a family friend of ours, with two teenage children, took in a lodger who was known to her friends. She had been widowed young, and was quite sad at the time. Fast forward, and a relationship developed. They are still together today - in their 80s!

I will book a gp consultation for the pill asap. We did not use any contraception before but he did not 'do what nature intended' inside of me to be crass while trying not to be crass. its still absolutely nothing I will ever change my mind on though. I dont want another child, I am happy with one and he is almost a legal adult now too and I feel I have all I have needed in that respect.

No tenancy agreement is valid with a resident landlord.

it is just a licence.

Excellent! , he sounds like a decent guy!
hope it works out

Oh yay ☺️! Go and enjoy yourself and stop doubting yourself - he clearly thinks a lot of both you and your son

I am in love with this thread. What an update! Enjoy yourself OP 😜🥰

Either way, having a unrelated man in the house is a recipe for disaster.

Thanks for this. I’ve just put a sign on the front door. “No Unrelated Men Past This Point” 🥺.