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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Slept with the lodger - what the hell now?

439 replies

Idiotcentral · 20/01/2025 10:04

Moved a man into my spare room a few months back. He is a family friend although I had not met him till last Oct. He is 10 years my junior, very likeable, we get along really well. As friends. Or so I thought till last night after waaaaaaaaaay too many drinks he pretty much kissed me and I did not object, we ended up in bed together. I am a single parent to a child who is thankfully in school today and no wiser as to what happened. It has not been awkward but it is NOT going to be a relationship. I do not want one and especially not with him however his lease agreement is in place and as he is not from the same country as I am and knows nobody else here he wont be looking to move out. He made a quip this morning before going to work about us being 'friends with benefits' but I have never done that before and not comfortable with that arrangement anyway especially with my teenaged child here but what do I do? Obviously discussing it with him is the right thing but we are both single, clearly attracted to each other and really do get along so well but shit we have now had sex. I dont know what to do from here. Bloody stupidity. Actually really annoyed with myself this morning.

OP posts:
Betchyaby · 24/01/2025 11:11

StarlightLady · 24/01/2025 11:02

Thanks for this. I’ve just put a sign on the front door. “No Unrelated Men Past This Point” 🥺.

Let me hold onto my sides, you're a regular comedienne!

You can deliberately misinterpret my meaning if you want but it is quite obvious I said that in relation to lodgers, that being the topic of this thread.

GatherlyGal · 24/01/2025 11:18

Go for it OP sounds very exciting and who knows what the future holds. Don't miss out on life because of things that might never happen.

As an aside I'm loving how this thread is a total mumsnet microcosm. People loving the potential of romance and a happy ending. People worrying about what the terms of the lease are and everyone's legal position. A few "will no one think of the children" types and finally those who think a mother over 40 shagging a younger single man is somehow distasteful or objectionable.

Life is short OP plan your holiday and whatever happens your son will adapt.

bigboykitty · 24/01/2025 11:20

OP, I was waiting to hear what your actual objections were and I can confirm, they are ridiculous. Your updates are lovely. Go with the flow. He sounds lovely and so do you ❤️

StarlightLady · 24/01/2025 11:39

Betchyaby · 24/01/2025 11:11

Let me hold onto my sides, you're a regular comedienne!

You can deliberately misinterpret my meaning if you want but it is quite obvious I said that in relation to lodgers, that being the topic of this thread.

Yep, that was lighthearted hence the 🥺. But that does not got away from the fact that there are lots of women across the UK and beyond, who have male lodgers without any issues.

And women who have lesbian lodgers without any issues too.

Many are supportive and caring. In this case the OP has chosen to go down a different route, but she was not coerced into doing so.

Flatbellyfella · 24/01/2025 12:04

Ask you lad how he feels about you & lodger having feelings for each other.
I hope he says “No problem” and wishes you both well.

ForLovingGreenDog · 24/01/2025 12:44

First off: you've done absolutely nothing wrong and neither has he. However, give yourself some time to think about what to do. If you're going to start to feel something for him, that'll happen naturally,but for now, just let things sit, until you've had a chance to reflect and take things in. You may want to tell him you're not ready for anything else just now, but you're not under any obligations to make a quick decision.

SkyGrant · 24/01/2025 12:56

Hi Op This a great post enjoying all the updates. My wife is 7 years older than me and it has not got in the way over the last 43 years so there is hope for you.
I think that your son may suspect something especially if there were any noise during the deed night.

Life is too short as they say, enjoy yourself as others have said.

IlooklikeNigella · 24/01/2025 13:05

Oh OP!!! Love is in the air.... Please keep us updated.

Idiotcentral · 24/01/2025 16:13

Not sure about love but we have plans made for the next few weeks anyway and will see how things progress :)

OP posts:
justworking · 24/01/2025 17:01

IlooklikeNigella · 24/01/2025 13:05

Oh OP!!! Love is in the air.... Please keep us updated.

Grin
Bloozie · 24/01/2025 17:06

I am LOVING this. Lodger-to-lover - fabulous... OP, have fun. He sounds considerate, respectful, non-pushy and thoughtful. Don't overthink it and get in your own way. He's into you. It's not for you to reason why, now you've ruled out all the cynical reasons. He doesn't want your money, or your residency status. He wants YOU.

Twinmaker · 24/01/2025 17:09

You're going to have a lot of posters who actually wish they could be in your position 😊. There are (quite rightly) some broken and resentful hearts on this forum. Some of the early comments are horrible. But if it works for you it works, if it doesn't you had a great and by all accounts very adult and respectful time! Have fun and enjoy living. I wish you all nothing but happiness to be quite honest 💕

GreyAreas · 24/01/2025 17:26

Honestly, I had something like this and it was wonderful while it lasted, no one got hurt and no regrets.

Oxforddictionary12 · 24/01/2025 17:30

This is brilliant! I was reading your updates and I couldn't understand why you were saying it was never going to work. He seems absolutely lovely, no red flags and you've enjoyed his company over the past few months and find him attractive too!
No need to overthink it- just go for it and enjoy and see where it leads 😊

sterli2323 · 24/01/2025 18:16

Perhaps your parents suggested he become your lodger in the hope that their trusted friend and you would become a couple ...........

Guttedandblue · 24/01/2025 18:20

Idiotcentral · 20/01/2025 10:27

@HornyHornersPinger not really of any concern be it good, bad or indifferent. It happened which is the main concern. I dont need to go into detail further than that.

Spoil sport

Piloom · 24/01/2025 18:22

Sorry, OP, I hope it all works out well, but I keep misreading your title when it comes up in 'Active Conversations' as 'Slept with the badger'. Which would be a whole different conversation...

Guttedandblue · 24/01/2025 18:34

How wonderful, I love a good romance.

Bekindmyarse · 24/01/2025 19:15

OP!! I am so happy you are giving this a go. This all sounds so fucking perfect! I bet he's fancied you for years and you never even knew. Betting both sets of parents will be busy buying wedding outfits before the year is out 💍

Whattodo33 · 24/01/2025 19:25

YAY!!! This guy sounds wonderful and so do you. Have a blast x

Cardamomandlemons · 24/01/2025 19:32

Read "just like you" by nick hornby. It's an upbeat funny book about two totally different people who get together, she is much older than him and has teenage kids. Have fun!

StarlightLady · 24/01/2025 19:35

Cardamomandlemons · 24/01/2025 19:32

Read "just like you" by nick hornby. It's an upbeat funny book about two totally different people who get together, she is much older than him and has teenage kids. Have fun!

It might be a good recommendation, but l don’t think the OP will have time to read it, she’s going to be busy! 😉

Garlicnorth · 24/01/2025 20:46

What a brilliant update, @Idiotcentral! Nothing comes with guarantees either way. You're a grown-up, you know this. For now, it all sounds LOVELY and I wish your family a fabulous holiday. Also, I dare to hope that 'for now' turns out to be long 🤗

Pieandchips999 · 24/01/2025 22:39

OMG I thought you were going to get together. Yes!! You were protesting way too much at the beginning. I'm conveniently this is going to work out. You don't need to decide for him whether something will work out in the future he seems to know what he is going. I also think your parents may have been a bit more invested than you just having a lodger 🤣

TammyJones · 25/01/2025 02:37

sterli2323 · 24/01/2025 18:16

Perhaps your parents suggested he become your lodger in the hope that their trusted friend and you would become a couple ...........

Stranger things have happened... good old mum (its the sort of thing I do for my bachelor son - they can be a bit clueless) Grin