I'm in a real mess :(

[despl]

Hi everyone, please be kind to me as I'm not in the best place right now.

A bit of background first - I'm 28 been with fiancé for 4 years (he's 26) I really do love him but we've had a couple of issues over the past year. He likes a drink and often does cocaine on nights out, he has smashed things up in a drunken rage a couple of times (this is if I say the wrong thing to him or something he doesn't like) he had really sorted himself out and will only drink now on occasions and has not acted like that in a while, he knows that I will leave if he does act like that again.

Anyway, we've had an ongoing issue where I feel as though he doesn't want to spend any time with me at all. We literally do absolutely nothing together apart from sit in the house and watch tv, whereas he'll happily go and do things with his friends. If I ask him to go out for dinner he "doesn't want to spend money" if I ask him to go for a walk he "cant be bothered or is too tired"

We had a conversation about this tonight and he ended up getting annoyed saying I'm never happy with anything he does. I got upset and then he started shouting "here we go crying now to make me feel even worse" I feel as though I'm not ever allowed to voice how I feel as he just accuses me of always having it in for him so he'd rather me bottle up my feelings it seems.

I've just come upstairs and have spent my evening upset laying on the bed. The biggest problem here is that I am 9 weeks pregnant. I know it's not ideal but the relationship has always been good although I know it sounds awful typing this out.

I seriously don't know what to do and feel as though my life is ruined 😢

This isn't going to get better. You know what you have to do.

You have to what’s best for you. This man has the potential to be a massive abuser and I wouldn’t want for any of my children to be exposed to that behavior. Please get the heck out of there. Hell reduce to tears eventually and everything will be your fault.

Why would you feel shame OP? You are making choices about your own body. Nobody is going to judge you. This isn't the 1950s. Take control of your life.
Get the hell out of it. It's a well known fact a man like this will deteriorate if you are pregnant and he could become violent.
He is a nothing and a nobody. This is not a man to have a baby with. He isn't interested in having a family.
Find a man who loves you snd wants to be with you or live alone. This one doesn't want to be with you.

I've been through this as a child's perspective it's not nice coming home from school seeing those red drunken eyes being abusive to my mum and her crying on her bed trying to hide it - this will stay with me for life.
It starts with losing temper smashing things swearing and turns into domestic violence I was hit badly as a child aswell as my mum, hiding the bruises, feeling like your trapped and no where to turn and it's alot harder with a child's life in tow! But you love him and he will change? Nope they never do it only gets worse and becomes more toxic - please your worth so much more than this, get out now! It may seem so hard now but in the long run you will thank yourself you did.

P.s she met an amazing man a year later and is still so happy 20 odd years on!