Husband messages my friends

[XDaiseyX]

My Husband messages the majority of my female friends on social media ( privately ), commenting on stories they’ve put up. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him having private conversations with my friends ( or any women ) but he continues to do so. He says he’s just being friendly.

My issue stems from years ago. He was messaging 1 of my friends and it turned out he had a ‘massive crush’ on her. I didn’t like them getting closer by having private chats so told him I didn’t want him to do so again.
This lasted a short while but he’s started to do it again.

Some people may think this is petty, but I’m sure most people have do’s and don’ts for their own relationships. Should I just let it slide or put my foot down more about the subject?

Sounds like he’s throwing out baited lines and seeing what bites. One of my friendship group had a husband like that. When I split with my ex he was sliding into my DMs offering ‘moral support and to go out for a ‘friendly’ drink’. Not on your nelly, Dave. Thing is though, he can message dozens of women. It only takes one to bite, and then what would likely happen?

I notice you ignored what I said about him.

He sounds a bit of a sad sack to be honest and I would both embarrassed and fuming

My nail lady randomly said she thought I was going to leave my husband soon. I asked her why she thought that and she just said ‘she could just tell’. I’m pretty sure though I’ve never even had a conversation with her about him. I recently checked though and they are both following each other online, which is bizarre as he never said he knew her. He’s working away currently but I will be sure to bring it up when he’s back.

Well that's weird either she knows something about your relationship that you don't know . They properly talk . You don't just randomly come out and say that .

If that isn’t a huge clue then I don’t know that is. You really need your open your eyes:

I would hate this! Fine if he has a reason to contact them. My DH messaged my friend recently about a birthday gift for me. However, to be randomly chatting with several of your friends for no reason is odd.
I find it a little creepy, even if the chat is innocent.

Well, that's a clue x four.

It sounds like your husband is actively looking for an affair partner.

Is he interested in a career change to nail tech?

Why would a husband follow his wife's nail tech on social media?

He follows my Hairdresser, Aesthetics lady, Nail lady, etc etc. I haven’t asked him why yet.

This is sounding silly now. How does he know all their names to connect with them?

I’ve obviously mentioned their names before, but not their surnames, or shown him a photo of what they look like.

How do you search people based on what they look like?

If you know their name and several people come up, I guess you go through till you recognize the photo?

I started off thinking this was no big deal - DP knows most of my friends and has chatted to them in person or online when appropriate (over a shared enthusiasm for a band or a film, for example) as I have with his friends. Over a number of years His Friends and Her Friends can become Our Friends pretty easily.

But this is one way, only female friends, and he is taking it far beyond shared acquaintances if he's following you nail person etc. He knows it makes you uncomfortable and he's continuing.

He's being creepy and needy. What are the positives he brings to the relationship, O?

I'm sorry OP bur your posts just give the impression that you are so accepting that this is what he does, that it's his normal behaviour.
I don't understand why you haven't been blazingly angry with him and told him that he is treating you and your relationship with such disrespect. I don't understand why you aren't telling him outright this is not an acceptable way for a man in a committed relationship to behave.

It's weird. I'd be highly uncomfortable with this. He's either socially inept and doesn't understand boundaries or he's trying to get to know them under your nose pretending nothing is untoward and they are your "friends". Not all friends or acquaintances will be loyal to you, he's probably gently testing the water with them.

If you know their name and several people come up, I guess you go through till you recognize the photo?

so, to get this straight, you’re saying the situation is this. You mention you’re going to see ‘Kelly’ your hairdresser. Who your husband has never met and never will. He then gets on social media, searches up ‘Kelly’ and trawls through profiles before finding the right one. Requests them as a friend. Private messages them.

This is such bizarre and creepy behaviour I find it hard to believe. That’s borderline stalker behaviour or something.

We had the argument years ago when he was messaging my friend that he ‘fancied’. Then after she denied it and he showed me a couple of messages, and told me about more, I just got weirded out and told him to stop. Then as far as I know he didn’t do it for years until recently. I’ve never gone through his social media before until recently, that’s when I found out he was following these people.

It's so he can message them with something along the lines of "hey babe I'm Daisey's partner just being friendly lol", and then try to start a completely pointless conversation because they think they deserve female attention. I've actually had this from the husband of a client on my business social media, and it's one of the reasons that I no longer post any content that has me in it. Men like him are extremely creepy, intrusive and entitled towards women online.

They pretend it's innocent and they're "just being friendly", but it's not.

I would imagine he's found them because the OP follows them. Unfortunately, this does actually happen.

I am sorry OP, but you are sounding so painfully naive here. What are you going to discuss with your H, he clearly wasn't messaging about his dry cuticles with the nail lady for her to make that remark to you.

You're sounding like a cuckquean now, sorry. Who can be this laid back about their creep partner :/

Your husband is a creep and you sound so defeated. Find your backbone and get rid . How are you not feeling humiliated over his behavior?! Messaging your nail lady etc he is a weirdo

This is utterly bizarre. To me it looks like he's hoping that the 'friendly chit chat' will get flirty. Not that he would instigate it, but hoping one of the women do. If I were you, I would Babooshka him. Set up a fake page for some female who's service you will pretend to use, and see what if anything he says to 'her'. I think that's the only way you could truly know what he says and his tone.

It’s important because it matters to you. He knows you don’t like it and he refuses to stop. Why does he have to private message these women? Why doesn’t he comment on the posts on their public page? Seems to me like he’s fishing to see who will bite. He obviously gets a kick out of having this power of saying no won’t stop when he knows you it’s really bothering you. He also probably likes the fact that you’re finding out from your friends. It sounds very disrespectful at best, creepy and sinister at worst. This would be a dealbreaker for me.