Husband messages my friends

[XDaiseyX]

My Husband messages the majority of my female friends on social media ( privately ), commenting on stories they’ve put up. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him having private conversations with my friends ( or any women ) but he continues to do so. He says he’s just being friendly.

My issue stems from years ago. He was messaging 1 of my friends and it turned out he had a ‘massive crush’ on her. I didn’t like them getting closer by having private chats so told him I didn’t want him to do so again.
This lasted a short while but he’s started to do it again.

Some people may think this is petty, but I’m sure most people have do’s and don’ts for their own relationships. Should I just let it slide or put my foot down more about the subject?

Soooo fucking pathetic and gross. Poor wife.

@Brombat nailed it

So true.

@Chuchoter So true about the feeling the need to compete for him. Bet he's nothing worth competing for so this is her way of negging her

He shouldn't be messaging your friends regardless. A chit chat can't turn flirty and sexual quickly . How would he like it you talking to his make friends bet he would kick up a fuss if the shoe was on the other foot . It's weird he does it . I wouldn't be happy if I found out my partner was messaging my friends let alone having their numbers or following their pages no need for it .

When your partner does something that upsets you or doesn't matter what it is, if they keep doing it they are putting their desires, egos, themselves first and don't care enough to put you first. I wonder what your friends think about him. Do they ignore, reply, love it, hate it, lap it up, encourage him? The answer will tell you if they are real friends as well as your husband's actions tell you what he is.

If it’s not important by like he says…. Why is he doing it? I’d deffo have an issue with this tbh..

How does this go?
Your friend posts about maybe going out to a restaurant and he DMs her asking did she enjoy? admiring her photo?
It is very odd, no way would my DP this and your friends must think he's being very inappropriate and odd.
They should all block him.

Massive red flag, tbh if my DH did this i’d be giving him an ultimatum, it’s weird and innapropriate.

So you've told him it makes you uncomfortable and he still does it? He sounds awful.
He's embarrassing you. I would ask him to remove them from his social media. "Just being friendly" my arse. He's not stupid enough to directly flirt with them, but he's testing the waters and will probably be a bit more chatty each time, trying to lead it somewhere.

The girl he ‘fancied’, he posted about new years, and she messaged something like ‘can’t wait to come round later’ or something along those lines. And then the chat carried on but he didn’t tell me till weeks later. With my other friends it can be anything, about a holiday they’re going on, or something they’re doing with their partners. Anything really.

Not surprised you don’t trust him. This is very shady.

Plus he’s creepy AF. A friend’s husband tried this with me. I ignored him and he eventually fucked off.

This is incredibly odd, your friends must think so and likely reply out of politeness, no doubt they'll be talking about your weird husband.
Why doesn't he DM their husbands?
I'd be telling him straight it stops and just say your friends are talking about him being a weirdo and it's embarrassing

The only DH from my friends that I have any solo contact with is to arrange lifts to parkrun and our texts are short and completely functional.

I'm sorry OP but it sounds very much like he is sniffing around your friends trying to get an in.

This guy is total cringe and I would put my money on the fact all but the most vulnerable of women he speaks to think he’s a total embarrassment too. Guys like this make my skin crawl.

I'm so sorry OP, but he's a bit of a creep.

I wouldn't be happy about this at all. Completely overstepping. I would tell him to stop or I'll leave. Although the fact he didn't listen the first time would send me packing. That shows a lack of respect

This doesn’t sound good OP. His flagrant disregard for your boundary is disrespectful. He also sounds immensely immature - desperate to get external validation via secret chats and messages. Absolutely cringeworthy. You need to have a serious talk and if he continues then I would be making plans to leave. This sort of thing can be so insidious and you deserve more than having to continually put up with it.

Why do so many women put up with creepy weirdos? Don't you want better for yourself, OP? This man is embarrassing.

Even if he's not flirty (yet), he's still being really creepy as this is a really weird thing to do. He doesn't sound very nice at all.

Oh this is creepy and embarrassing- tell him exactly this.

It's not normal, I don't know anyone's partner who does it who didn't turn out to be up to no good.

He should be putting effort into your marriage tbh not "being friendly" to every other woman he meets

I think every single 1 just writes back and has a bit of a ‘chit chat’ with him. Not all our fiends, some are just acquaintances that we both know. But either way, I don’t think anyone ignores him.

This

That’s the thing, he has lots of friends, and even more acquaintances, but it just seems to be the women that he wants to chat with 🙄.

They probably feel they have to respond out of basic politeness. I would be inclined to say to him ‘you need to stop messaging my friends - they find it creepy. This is inappropriate and embarrassing.’