Husband messages my friends

[XDaiseyX]

My Husband messages the majority of my female friends on social media ( privately ), commenting on stories they’ve put up. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable with him having private conversations with my friends ( or any women ) but he continues to do so. He says he’s just being friendly.

My issue stems from years ago. He was messaging 1 of my friends and it turned out he had a ‘massive crush’ on her. I didn’t like them getting closer by having private chats so told him I didn’t want him to do so again.
This lasted a short while but he’s started to do it again.

Some people may think this is petty, but I’m sure most people have do’s and don’ts for their own relationships. Should I just let it slide or put my foot down more about the subject?

Pop off back to the 1950's, there's a love.

Is he handsy? There's a bloke like this at my workplace always squeezing shoulders and brushing against women in the hope that one might bite

That's just weird. Maybe now and again if you've got something specific to ask, but to just randomly message you friends for a 'chit chat' is just odd. Does he message any of your male friends

Sounds like he's hoping one of them bites and he can start something with them. There's also an entitlement there - what if these messages create problems in the receivers relationship or generally makes them uncomfortable? Sorry OP. I'd be mortified.
Not quite the same but one of our friend's husbands was always liking/commenting on inappropriate posts (younger only fans type models). We felt sorry for his wife. Don't be the pitied one.

Lol @CosySwan why is that #pickme We're all mates. I don't see why I can't interact with men because gasps I am married. It's not 1840.

@ShouldIEvenBother · I do yes, I message men and women. Social media is 'social' it's the whole point. But no, I've never told my husband I've had a crush, because that's just silly. Although I also believe it's natural to have crushes. Just maybe don't tell everyone about it.

Red flag. He has no respect for you, sorry.

This is why it's tricky.

If someone is being flirty or inappropriate, it's black and white but when the messages are genuinely just friendly, it falls into a grey area

My friend's partner messaged me once. The content of the message was absolutely innocent but it was also completely unnecessary and, as it wasn't my first rodeo, I just ignored it.

I didn't tell her because there was nothing to tell specifically but I made sure it didn't happen again. I have no idea if he messages her other friends, she knows, or whether it would have continued to be innocent, but it just wasn't worth finding out tbh.

Ah well that's the difference.

Were all mates is very different to someone messaging their partners friend when they are not also friends in their own right.

You can be absolutely sure that your friends hate it and think it's weird and inappropriate too, and are only being polite back.

Yea, I would be weirded out if any partner of a friend of mine sent me personal messages. I wouldn't even "be polite back" - so English! - I wouldn't even reply.

God, I bet they talk amongst themselves about what a creep he is. Mortifying!

It’s actually so humiliating that your friends are telling you this op! You need to put some strong boundaries in place.

Why aren't they telling him to stop? So weird on both sides. And embarrassing for you.

Tbh, OP, I'd ask the friend who told you how she feels about it. Have a conversation with her. She told you initially so there was a reason for her doing that.

Even if it was just friendly, there was something that didn't feel right and she wanted you to know.

There are only a few men I message who have partners and, in all cases, I'm also friends now with their partners but met the men first or we all met at the same time and are friends equally.

My partner has female.friends he messages and that's fine, but if he started messaging my friends, that would be a conversation...

He just sounds like a 'twit'.
Show him this thread.

It's fair enough if you don't like it and he should respect that, especially as what happened previously was overstepping given he had a "massive crush" on her. But my partner is friends with my friends on SM as we've all socialised. I don't know who added who as it was never discussed and I see he's liked some pics and vice versa. It doesn't bother me, I trust both him and my friends 100% it sounds like you don't trust your DP and I think that's your biggest problem. Do you think he's trying to "test the waters" to see if any of your friends would be interested or is he just treating them like his friends as he knows them all?

He seems to enjoy keeping you on edge. Conversations with your friends, local women, anyone in a skirt, but never about anything he can share with you. He sounds an attention seeking asshole.

He thinks he's Billy big balls and that if he wanted to he could 'have' any of these women!

He thinks it keeps the op on edge by making her feel she's got to compete for him!

I would bin him and I hope the op does too!

Aye for him

Why do you stay with a man that has literally no respect for you?
He's completely willing to sleep with whichever of your friends might throw him a bone and you just seem to accept this.

Really?

If that's the case, he can sort it out properly with his actual DW, rather than tomcatting about...

I think it's subtle (or not so subtle) negging, I'd not be happy.

I wouldnt like this at all

I became friendly with a woman around 6 months ago ( our children play out together ) she told me her partner has form for messaging her friends being inappropriate ( dont ask me why shes still with him ) .... all 3 of us sat next to each other watching our childrens nativity performance in december and afterwards he added me on Facebook. I havnt accepted it because I dont even want to run the risk of him privately messaging me.

He has prior history of at the least "crushing" on one of your friends.

He's gone behind your back to friend and message your friends.

He's disregarded a previous boundary to contact your friends.

He's dismissing you when you brought it up. It's not important my ass.

That's four strikes and it seems shady. Does he not have his own friends?

I'd be suspicious that he thinks of your friends as a future affair pool. There's a reason your friends are letting you know he's messaging them.

Jesus fucking Christ! His behaviour is frankly creepy OP...how are you still sleeping in the same bed as him? I'd be going apeshit if he were my husband! Your friends will be utterly creeped out by his behaviour. I'm embarrassed for you!

You are right, some men can't stop trying to get attention from other women, be it good or bad.. they need their fragile ego feeding, they need to be seen.
@ShouldIEvenBother has it right..
I have recently myself completely cut off a man who is like this. He has to be constantly in touch with, liking and commenting on pictures, even if it's all "innocent". And it doesn't matter how in love with you they are, this man is besotted with me. But it's a compulsion he can't stop even though I hate it.
They just won't stop hurting us even when we spell it out.
I blocked the cunt once and for all..