I think he doesn’t want me to leave my things in his house?

[doddlerrs]

So I left a small drawstring bag in my BF’s house with underwear, a change of clothes, sanitary products and a deodorant.

Just in case. Never needed to use it.

Now that he is about to move houses he gave the bag back for me to take home.

He will pay for professional movers to pack and move all his furniture and his stuff so I asked him (joking) if my small bag is too much or too heavy for the movers?

He said he was concerned that the movers would pack my bag in a random box and it would get ‘lost’ or he wouldn’t know where my bag would be in case I needed in the new house but not everything was unpacked…

Then a week later when he got the keys to the new house, he told me that he took 3 round trips bringing his personal stuff that he did not want the movers to pack/carry. This was his plan all along though, I even remember trying to reason with him. What is the point of paying £££ for professional packers and movers if you have to do round trips yourself!
So I thought to myself, sure my very small and light drawstring bag could be added to his trips rather than giving it back to me if it was true he was concerned about the movers not packing it properly??

I can’t help but think he doesn’t want my things in his new house and that is his way of saying it?

BTW the new house is 3x bigger. More storage.
And he is not getting rid of almost anything. Only broken stuff.

This is odd, isn’t it?

Of course it's odd that he doesn't want you to leave a few essentials/toiletries at his place if you're staying over on a regular basis! Does he sleep at your place? Does he not leave toothbrush/toiletries/clean undies at yours?

I mean ask him whether he wants your bag at his new place on a long term basis. No point asking us.

Of course I’m not asking here
Just having a chat

Only time I've gave a partner their stuff back has been in the lead up to dumping them...

I'd start moving more things in. You should at least have a drawer by now and some closet space. Unless he's sleeping with someone else so can't have women's things in the home. Or, just thinks you're fun buddies.

OK, but if it's still niggling you have that convo with him sooner than later.

No he doesn’t sleep at mine as it is my teens’ house too and it is weird for me and them - it is a very small flat

He lives by himself so I go to his

Hard to say, really but could well be that he didn’t want it to get lost in the move. Maybe just take it with you to his new house and leave it there. See if he mentions it again.

I agree if it feels off it and icky it probably is.

Unless he's like majorly a neat freak/home decor guy (in which case he'd be obsessive about having a right location for everything and you'd be discussing which of his handcrafted drawers to put your bag in).

Mutually not wanting to live together doesn't mean that you have to obsessively scour the place of every trace of your girlfriend/vice versa.

In fact it would make perfect sense to have a drawer at each others places, not necessarily for period stuff but as it saves you both time and having to pack stuff.

Is he ND? Or very inexperienced with women? How are his social skills otherwise?

I think YABU and reading too much into this. It is far easier for you to keep it and bring it to the new house and leave it somewhere where it is easy to retrieve if you need it, rather than having to go searching through boxes and his personal belongings that he may not have organised. If it's as small as you make out, it won't be easy to find in an emergency and it is afterall for emergencies. He will be organising a lot of stuff, he may not remember exactly where he put the bag, much easier for you to leave it somewhere you will remember where it is!

Presumptuous. You may get to leave it there (because it’s awkward for him to tell you to take your bag home) but what does that even mean if he doesn’t want it in his house?

Why not ask, “Would you rather I didn’t keep stuff at your new house”? That way you give him an easy way to be honest. If he says you can keep your bag there it means something.

So he’s completely separate to your own home life. It sounds like he’s doing the same.

He said yes when I asked firts time

and after one year of relationship it it is a problem than I dont want it

I think if I'd been him I might also have handed you the hair tie. You may need that hair tie, would be what I was thinking. Nothing more, nothing less. I'd do that with a female friend who visited my house regularly too, or a sister.

I feel the same way. I was nodding along to CoffeeGood's post thinking, yes, that's exactly what's happened but now, reading your intense post about it, perhaps 'game over' is for the best.

I wouldn't want to be the subject of this over-reaching and over-thinking about things to the point where you decide that if he doesn't do this you'll do that. Just go ahead and do that then, you're a free agent.

Just over a year isn't that long and it's rather the relationship itself than the time that matters. You've decided that yours hinges on the rightful place of a small personal drawstring bag.

Oh come on. It's been over a year and presumably she's staying over regularly. It's normal to have a supply of tampons, spare pants and a toothbrush at your partner's place.

So I’m guessing your bf is in his 40’s? Is he happy not to stay over at your place ever? My dp stays over only when my youngest dc is over as shes not fussed but older dc is so he never stays when she’s home as it grosses her out … I have a large-ish house so we are not ok too of each other so I get you and it’s hard to balance a relationship when you have teens!

Meant on top of each other!

The long and short of it is you have assumed a whole lot.

There is nothing to suggest he doesn't want her stuff there. He just passed it back to her whilst he physically moved homes. That's not some big message.

And after a year of being partners it's hardly odd to want a supply of tampons and spare knickers and a toothbrush to their house. It's more weird after a year not to

But he’s given you the bag back - which is weird. It would make sense to move it with his stuff if he wanted it in his house now. It’s also weird he put the bag in a storage room rather than making space in his bedroom and bathroom or letting you hang up your clothes.

You need to ask him in a lighthearted way if you can take the bag back. Make him think it doesn’t matter either way to make sure you get an honest answer.

If you don’t like the answer, you need to either talk about it and find out why he doesn’t want your stuff there, or you walk away.

Normal is an overused term. The only normal that counts is what’s normal to OP and her OH.

That is exactly the point

I think he said yes but meant no

And instead of communicating properly came up with the excuse about the movers

So taking him as face value as anyone should is bringing the bag back and see what happens as there will be no excuse of moving houses

If it's that small, you can carry it in your bag.

It's clear he doesn't want your things in his place. You can ask him why that is.

Do you think he's seeing other women?

Just tell him how you feel, that it's made you think he has a problem with any of your belongings being there. That's not very nice.

You are NOT being unreasonable OP. I'd be a bit put out at this too, especially as he doesn't always say what he wants or thinks.

I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with him but you know this already ❤️

And don't feel bad at biting back at other posters. There are some folks on here who just like to be provocative for fun 😂

So everyday when I see him, it doesn’t matter where we go or what activities we do before going to his house, I should carry my bag with me…

And no, it is not clear - as he first said yes to me leaving a bag and blamed the house move for returning the bag - this is the opposite of clear

As for seeing another woman, I dont have any suspicions, but who knows?
However I’m talking about a bag that he leaves in his 2nd bedroom used as storage room. Not my stuff all over his toilet and bedroom so even if he had other women there every day, they wouldn’t know about the bag, unless they go snoop in this other bedroom/storage