I think he doesn’t want me to leave my things in his house?

[doddlerrs]

So I left a small drawstring bag in my BF’s house with underwear, a change of clothes, sanitary products and a deodorant.

Just in case. Never needed to use it.

Now that he is about to move houses he gave the bag back for me to take home.

He will pay for professional movers to pack and move all his furniture and his stuff so I asked him (joking) if my small bag is too much or too heavy for the movers?

He said he was concerned that the movers would pack my bag in a random box and it would get ‘lost’ or he wouldn’t know where my bag would be in case I needed in the new house but not everything was unpacked…

Then a week later when he got the keys to the new house, he told me that he took 3 round trips bringing his personal stuff that he did not want the movers to pack/carry. This was his plan all along though, I even remember trying to reason with him. What is the point of paying £££ for professional packers and movers if you have to do round trips yourself!
So I thought to myself, sure my very small and light drawstring bag could be added to his trips rather than giving it back to me if it was true he was concerned about the movers not packing it properly??

I can’t help but think he doesn’t want my things in his new house and that is his way of saying it?

BTW the new house is 3x bigger. More storage.
And he is not getting rid of almost anything. Only broken stuff.

This is odd, isn’t it?

He's being a bit of a drama llama.
I'd not bother with trying to work out what's going on in his head. I have not got the time or energy for nonsense.

@doddlerrs your response to a few posters feel quite confrontational and defensive. Remember we're just here to give us our take on your opening post, just take what vibes with you.

For what is worth, I' actually on your side- I'll be miffed that he couldn't pack his stuff along with your small bag to symbolise that he considers what's yours is his (in a good way) but like what pps say his house his space his prerogative on what goes where so is up to you to communicate and see where to go from here.

Oh this reminds me of something.

One day I left earrings there by mistake on the bedside and collected it next time.

Since that day, before I leave, he asks me if I have everything etc which is helpful but I’m not a disorganised person at all so I can manage without his reminders. The earing I left there because they were very tiny and I don’t sleep with earings. It was a one off thing.

So one day I was about to leave and he presented me with a hair tie that I left behind. I made a joke ‘oh you, always making sure I leave no trace’
Didn’t think anything bad of it but it does feel odd.

I can see why he wanted the bag gone when he was moving as it was one less thing to think about.Maybe its time to call it a day if you get hung up on these small issues.

Yeah you got the feeling

As for being confrotational I agree. Some posts are clearly not with the intention to help while others don’t make sense according to what I have written/explained

I guess I don’t have the necessary thick skin for MN

I once had an ex that would give me any hair bobbles I had left in his car. It never stopped him asking to swap house keys and further down the line have a baby and get married.

It makes it slightly different that your partner is adamant that you won’t be living together.

How is he being a drama llama? Poor guy can't do right for doing wrong.

OP if you feel somethings off, have it out with him. Don't put him under a microscope looking for clues. Just talk.

I would not like the thing with the hair tie at all. It is strange. Also, the lack of response from him each time you raise the issue - though I think you need a direct conversation.

The suggestion to leave a bag in your car if you drive when you stay over reduces this to a very cheap hook up. It's long enough for him to be comfortable and treat you with some respect, not as a hook up.

How old are you both OP? Does he leave stuff with you?

I think his explanation made sense but I’d be weirded out if he thought me leaving a small bag around was too much.

My DP and I started leaving stuff at each other’s as soon as we started sleeping over, it just seemed normal. I don’t know, I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Maybe it’s not about the bag being left at his home, but the contents. Anything to do with periods or personal items may embarrass him or give him the ick.
When he moves into his new place you could leave something more innocent behind, like a pair of gloves or coffee flask and see what his reaction is.

I don’t think it’s a big deal but trying to read into his behaviour is never going to give you an answer. Next time you go round can you just say “shall I leave my overnight things in a bag or is there a spare drawer?”

I also think he's been reasonable and he'd be very unreasonable to mind you bringing it back.

Mine used to do this tbf as he has sisters and could remember them being annoyed that they kept losing bobbles 😂

Has he got kit at your place?

I think your get is niggling you OP.
Do you have a feeling he doesn't want any trace of you in the house?
If so I would be suspicious he is not faithful.
If he is sincerely into you, this would not be even slightly an issue.
Listen to your gut.

It’s odd he doesn’t want you to leave a trace that you’d been there … this is the underlying issue, the bag is there’s herring or the side issue here.
Can I ask, could you ever turn up unannounced at your bfs or would this be a no no too?

That is the thing, it is a rational explanation but the point is: he had 3 trips for his personal belongings. Why not lump my bag with his personal belongs since he knows I need that bag at his, not mine.
I know it is not HIS personal belongings, they are MINE and he shouldn’t be responsible for it, it just feels like this small bag is an incovinience for him.

So instead of taking it he went to the 2nd bedroom that is untouched from a packing pov just to retrieve my bag and give it back to me.

I agree. I think it's actually thoughtful. Moving can be pretty hectic and he may have been concerned that your belongings could have got lost or forgotten about with so much else going on.

1- he doesn’t need to open the bag and look at it everyday - the bag is discreet - you cant tell what us in there unless you open and take things out
2- he doesn’t need to put it on display
3- he shouldn’t be having relationship with women if hygiene supplies give him the ick

But why not pack it together with his belongings? Or asking the OP whether she is fine with her bag goes with his?

I think you'd get a better response from him tbh than a bunch of strangers.

What you're saying wouldn't bother me at all, I'd just assume he's gon a be busy, it's gonna be chaotic and he doesn't want my stuff getting misplaced. And I'd think no more about it. But that's me.

Just ask him OP.

I think there are alot of excuses here like “ oh he’s a man “ so therefore he doesn’t think. Ops point is he does think and knows what he’s doing and this is the point of discontent.

Well, yeah both good points. I was just thinking of what my DH would probably do, knowing what I'd prefer!

I asked. The response is in the original post.

You need to either take what he said at face value or ask him if your leaving a bag of stuff at his made him feel uncomfortable. Asking people on here to second guess his thoughts or feelings isn't going to get you anywhere - nobody can possibly know.