I think he doesn’t want me to leave my things in his house?

[doddlerrs]

So I left a small drawstring bag in my BF’s house with underwear, a change of clothes, sanitary products and a deodorant.

Just in case. Never needed to use it.

Now that he is about to move houses he gave the bag back for me to take home.

He will pay for professional movers to pack and move all his furniture and his stuff so I asked him (joking) if my small bag is too much or too heavy for the movers?

He said he was concerned that the movers would pack my bag in a random box and it would get ‘lost’ or he wouldn’t know where my bag would be in case I needed in the new house but not everything was unpacked…

Then a week later when he got the keys to the new house, he told me that he took 3 round trips bringing his personal stuff that he did not want the movers to pack/carry. This was his plan all along though, I even remember trying to reason with him. What is the point of paying £££ for professional packers and movers if you have to do round trips yourself!
So I thought to myself, sure my very small and light drawstring bag could be added to his trips rather than giving it back to me if it was true he was concerned about the movers not packing it properly??

I can’t help but think he doesn’t want my things in his new house and that is his way of saying it?

BTW the new house is 3x bigger. More storage.
And he is not getting rid of almost anything. Only broken stuff.

This is odd, isn’t it?

I think you need to read the updates

He had no problem with me leaving the bag there when I brought it and I asked in advance

Also there is no way I’m moving in with him as I’m extrememy happy in my own place and he knows it

Also the argument - for him - is not the bag being there but ‘the movers’…with this logic he shouldn’t be using movers at all as they could lose or misplace all of his stuff
And a bag with 1 outfit, 1 pair of underwear, 1 deodorant and a few pads and tampoons is not that precious.

Also I mentioned his space to show that lack of space is not the issue.

Most treasured possessions 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly I think this is, for want of a better word, nuts. His behavior shows that he really cares about his small, personal, objects and chose to personally move them rather than having them boxed and moved. He extended you the same courtesy of assuming you would want full control of your things when he returned them.

He may also be somewhat more picky about his space than you like and not want your dtuff there.

Its up to you whether you enjoy the benefits if the relationship more than the cost of carrying a packed “go bag” with you when you visit.

Except he is not preparing at all. Seems like he is not moving at all.

I read the updates. You need to read the signals he’s giving you.

So op

youd happily let the packers pack your jewellery passports/ipad/expensive tech etc etc

i don’t understand why you think it’s funny?

Clearly he is preparing to move if he’s given you your bag back and done three trips with his stuff…

Because it wasn’t this at all - was knickers, spare clothes and essential toiletries!

Depends entirely on how serious the relationship is. My DS is only 20 and a uni student. BUT, his relationsihp with his girlfriend is serious, however they live at separate halls of residence. They stay at one or the other's halls most nights of the week so both have a toothbrush, slippers and whatever else they might need at each other's place.

I think it does tell you a lot if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want you to leave anything at their place. It tells you whether they view your relationship as serious enough to move forward with, surely?

OP, did you help him to move house?

Maybe I’m overthinking but the point is: he is moving soon and so far has not packed or prepared anything at all but somehow is worried about my very small and very light drawstring bag.

But he has packed and prepared things, you literally say in your OP that he has pdone three round trips with his personal belongings that he didn't want movers touching. How can he now not have packed or prepared anything ?

That is what I’m doing.

Although I get on better with people who communicate with words and mean what they say rather than giving ‘signs’

So if you are implying that he is giving me ‘signs’ that he doesn’t want my bag in his house then he is a liar.

Packers lose stuff all the time. Our last house move a large original painting was lost/stolen. We also moved some stuff ourself such as files with important documents, lego collection (massive Star Wars stuff). I am finding it hard to see your point of view, you also seem really cross. Maybe you are just not happy with your BF and this is the final straw?

I’d do this to be honest, then it’s with you and I don’t have to think about it in the move, if you want it there you can then take ownership of YOUR things and they can go back once all sorted

So is my jewellery passports/ipad/expensive tech etc etc there?

Ah you talking about his?
I see nothing wrong with him packing his personal stuff although I think 3 trips is excessive.

Maybe the fact that you don't want to merge lives gives an indication to HIM that you don't view this as a serious committed relationship going forward. He might be cooling it because he wants to find someone that DOES want to merge lives.

Imagine it the other way round. A woman is moving house, her boyfriend has told her previously that he doesn't want to merge lives with hers, yet is happy to stay over and wants to leave his stuff at hers for convenience. She comes on here to discuss and is told by most posters that "he's just not that into you", "only good enough for a regular shag, but not to live with", "he's just using you till he can find someone better", "you're not THE ONE" etc etc.

You sound really annoyed by the whole thing as someone who apparently doesn’t want to progress with him.

This all sound unnecessarily like hard work

He probably didn't want the responsibility of your possessions going missing.

Ask him if you can bring the bag to the new place. If he is reluctant then you know there's more to it

Can’t you just ask him outright

And why don’t you want to live with him

maybe he’s decided he’d like a wife and big family one day

You are really judgmental and seem very concrete and black and white in your thinking. Do you think you might be on the spectrum? Because you are getting very agitated about his personal choice about the move as though there is one and only one correct way of doing it. The rage about his handing the bag back or “lying” because he doesn’t give you the answer you insist is correct is also concerning. This is just not the big deal you are making it out yo be. Either take his words at face value or act on rage filled impulse. Its your call.

Yes that bit foxed me as well.

I'd see it as a warning sign.

But the first time I go over once he has moved I'd take the bag and ask where I should leave it. That will show what the situation is won't it?

Because my bag is not his personal belongings is it?

Like I said: since I left the bag there I didn’t need it. It is in the 2nd bedroom he uses as storage. That bedroom is a bit of a mess. The bag was there on a random shelf since the day I briught it.
So when he gave the bag back, that bedroom and the stuff there is untouched. He did not do anything with the bedroom except get my bag and give it to me.

Also nobody in their right mind will toss a small bag in a big lorry. They would put inside a box. The box goes in the lorry. It wouldn’t get lost.

I agree that might be hard to find amongst the other things but since it is not something I use regurlarly what are the odds I will need it until everything is unpacked?

Also how about choices? ‘Do you want to take it with you or you prefer this being packed with the other things?

Anyway, it felt very odd

I didn't mean to make you p**d, sorry.
You seem a bit defensive about your relationship, it hadn't crossed my mind to ask if you were exclusive or monogamous (but then I've not been in a new relationship for a lot of years)!
From your updates, where you have checked with him about leaving the emergency bag, and he's moving important things himself, I suspect he's more concerned that your bag might not be unpacked and you need it etc etc.
You could just ask him, or once he's moved, take the bag with you and thank him for being considerate of your things, and where should you leave it in the new place?

No
We are in this relationship because we both want the same thing which is no marriage/living together

If this means I can’t leave a small bag there so this is not for me