I think he doesn’t want me to leave my things in his house?

[doddlerrs]

So I left a small drawstring bag in my BF’s house with underwear, a change of clothes, sanitary products and a deodorant.

Just in case. Never needed to use it.

Now that he is about to move houses he gave the bag back for me to take home.

He will pay for professional movers to pack and move all his furniture and his stuff so I asked him (joking) if my small bag is too much or too heavy for the movers?

He said he was concerned that the movers would pack my bag in a random box and it would get ‘lost’ or he wouldn’t know where my bag would be in case I needed in the new house but not everything was unpacked…

Then a week later when he got the keys to the new house, he told me that he took 3 round trips bringing his personal stuff that he did not want the movers to pack/carry. This was his plan all along though, I even remember trying to reason with him. What is the point of paying £££ for professional packers and movers if you have to do round trips yourself!
So I thought to myself, sure my very small and light drawstring bag could be added to his trips rather than giving it back to me if it was true he was concerned about the movers not packing it properly??

I can’t help but think he doesn’t want my things in his new house and that is his way of saying it?

BTW the new house is 3x bigger. More storage.
And he is not getting rid of almost anything. Only broken stuff.

This is odd, isn’t it?

So what are you going to do next?

You knew/suspected his intentions so asking on here hasn’t really helped move this any further forward.

It isn’t how most people behave after a year together, but you’re not in a relationship with most people, you’re in a relationship with him.

It isn’t necessarily a LTB situation if he’s just moving slower than you are. But you need to talk about it and be happy in your own mind the relationship is developing into what you need.

it just feels like this small bag is an incovinience for him.

I think you are missing the point here. It's not the size of the bag or the inconvenience.

It is that HE DOES NOT WANT YOUR STUFF IN HIS HOUSE. It's very clear. otherwise he'd have moved it.

I get that because unless I was really serious with someone (this relates to depth of emotional involvement and view of the long term future not length of time together), I wouldn't want any man leaving stuff at my house. It's presumptuous and annoying and just 'get your stuff out of my place, you don't live here'.

I think deep down you know this which is why you are posting about it and are getting irritable about it. It's a sign he isn't serious about you or your future. Things may change in that regard but they may not. Depends what you want.

If I was just seeing as a casual thing, I wouldn't care. If I was deeply in love and serious about him and at a time in life looking for a children/serious relationship, I would split up because this is like a canary in the mine.

You should read the updates before replying x

Wow.
what an extreme reaction you have to a girlfriend leaving a small bag at her boyfriends house.
It’s only a bag.
Shes the one making the effort to come to him on public transport, the least he can do is store a tiny bag.

100% this. This poster has outlined the situation more eloquently than me.

This is giving me major icks. Please have a chat with him and be ready to walk away.

Nothing to do with him moving slower. I’m not moving in. I don’t want any big step forward. I just want one change of clothes and a few period supplies at his house for convinience. After more than 1 year it is really not a big ask. But if he feels it is than yes, massive deal breaker.

I will take my bag to the new house, hand over to him and see what happens. Observe his facial expression, body language and words. If he takes the bag I will ask him if he is sure because the way he gave me the bag back made me feel xyz. Might also say that he nevers gives a straightforward answer so a small thing like this made me doubt if his feelings match his actions.

you are over thinking this.

and he was taking his personal items himself, not having the removal staff do that - therefore he seems to be a private person.

what I found odd was ' And he has a 2 bedroom house for himself ' do / did you think / feel he shouldn't have a 2 bed house to himself - do you think he should take in lodgers or something ?

and stop labouring the point about how small the bag is !

I agree with you.

Except:
It is that HE DOES NOT WANT YOUR STUFF IN HIS HOUSE. It's very clear. otherwise he'd have moved it.

As it is not clear because
1- he said yes to the bag
2- he is blaming the house move

What makes me upset is exactly him not being honest and people here making excuses for him.

I know he does not want my stuff there. That is why I am posting.

If he takes the bag I will ask him if he is sure because the way he gave me the bag back made me feel xyz. Might also say that he nevers gives a straightforward answer so a small thing like this made me doubt if his feelings match his actions.

So, if he does what you want you will still quiz him? Yikes. Honestly, why are you bothering with someone who you truly don't feel at ease with?

If you know he doesn't want your stuff there, then just don't take your stuff there? 🤷‍♀️

Mountain and molehill is springing to mind.

Well I will need the clarity for the break up

Shoe on the other foot, if a guy quizzed me over whether I let him keep spare undies at my place, I'd think he had lost the plot

Just fucking break up with him, you clearly aren't happy. All this stress over a sodding bag.

If you're this hard work in real life, I wouldn't want you in my house, let alone your bag of tampons. Just ask him and communicate.

OP, he clearly doesn't want your stuff there, the size of the bag is immaterial.
I would imagine he sees the relationship as transient.
Have you met any of his friends or family in the year or so that you've been together?
Has he met your teenagers, or is it just a you and him thing?

You seem pushy. He doesn't want confrontation.

OP - I'd find this very weird. When DP and I were living apart. We both sorted a drawer out for each other for socks, pants and spare clothes.

Toiletries went into the bathroom and he actually bought some sanitary products for me and popped them in the bathroom.

At 14 months in, in my opinion, this is a 'normal' thing to happen in an exclusive relationship?

I even had my own coffee mug on the tree

I’m not sure why but after one year this would give me the ick..

As it is not clear because
1- he said yes to the bag
2- he is blaming the house move

"He said yes to the bag". O come on now.You know that's meaningless.

"Would it be alright if you give Jane the new girl a lift home, she lives right by you?"
"Of course no problem." [Dammit why did I say that. Ok. I'll do it today but what do I do after that?]

"Would you mind if I parked my car on your drive tomorrow?"
"Er..sure." [Dammit why did I say that. What do I do now?]

"Is it alright if I vape? You don't mind do you? I'll be quick"
"Ok if you are quick." [Dammit why did I say that. The smell makes me feel sick. I better go to the shop for a walk]

People are conflict avoidant and rarely think quickly when put on the spot.
He needs an excuse because now he regrets it (probably thinking the bag would be gone next time you stayed over) and if he flings it back and you saying what he is really thinking "can you get your shit out of my house? it annoys me and I never should have agreed to this" he knows it will provoke a big row likely leading to a split. when although he doesn't want you or your teeny tiny bag of stuff in his house, he's happy to date you and have sex with you. If that's fine for you too no problem.

It's all very very obvious.

After 14 months most people would be able to have supplies in their partners bathroom as a minimum.

It’s not just about the bag though as you’ve already raised your eyebrow at the earrings and hair tie and sound willing to end it over this. There’s no mention of his good qualities and you can’t get a straightforward answer out of him either.

I could be wrong but you appear to be the one who has to do all the travelling. Is there a reason he doesn’t give you a lift home?
I hope he takes you on dates because it’s not sounding great.

Exactly. I know.

Why would you expect him to move a bag of your belongings? It’s yours, he was right to give it back to you. If you want to leave your things at his new house you could try communicating and ask him if that’s ok?

I think key here is that you see each other as bf / gf instead of partners. It’s a more casual term for me and comes with less responsibility and acts of love / service. But I still stick by my view that it should be ok to leave the bag as op is the one always staying over and I don’t think she should be carrying things that can be left over. This man doesn’t have dc and many he is one of these Peter Pans of life that sometimes we stumble on.

What has should got to do with it though? I agree with you FWIW but it’s not worth anything.

He doesn’t want the bag there. OP knows he doesn’t want the bag there. Shes going to take the bag back anyway and create an awkward situation which will either force him to keep it or cause and argument and they break up.

He isn’t “blaming the house move” —you are! As far as he is concerned nothing has changed. This entire thread makes me feel like I am taking crazy pills.