I think he doesn’t want me to leave my things in his house?

[doddlerrs]

So I left a small drawstring bag in my BF’s house with underwear, a change of clothes, sanitary products and a deodorant.

Just in case. Never needed to use it.

Now that he is about to move houses he gave the bag back for me to take home.

He will pay for professional movers to pack and move all his furniture and his stuff so I asked him (joking) if my small bag is too much or too heavy for the movers?

He said he was concerned that the movers would pack my bag in a random box and it would get ‘lost’ or he wouldn’t know where my bag would be in case I needed in the new house but not everything was unpacked…

Then a week later when he got the keys to the new house, he told me that he took 3 round trips bringing his personal stuff that he did not want the movers to pack/carry. This was his plan all along though, I even remember trying to reason with him. What is the point of paying £££ for professional packers and movers if you have to do round trips yourself!
So I thought to myself, sure my very small and light drawstring bag could be added to his trips rather than giving it back to me if it was true he was concerned about the movers not packing it properly??

I can’t help but think he doesn’t want my things in his new house and that is his way of saying it?

BTW the new house is 3x bigger. More storage.
And he is not getting rid of almost anything. Only broken stuff.

This is odd, isn’t it?

I’m not here asking for help or advice on what I should do or how I should call the relationship.

I wanted to simply have a chat and see people’s thoughts on the issue of leaving the bag there and that is it.

I gave extra info that could be helpful to posters to assess the situation but some other info is completely irrelevant imo but:

1- yes he has met DC
2- yes we have met each other’s family / friends
3- yes we do a lot of stuff snd is not sex only
4- yes - neither want to move in together or get married and this was discussed and agreed but omg god forbid 2 people agreeing on that
5 - what does move forward even mean give point 4? If we dont move in together will we be frozen on time? what does it mean???????????

@doddlerrs that info is helpful to know.
I think I’ve been one of the kinder posters here yet you continue to direct anger with people who are trying to listen, help and advise. I hope you get what you want out of this post as I’m done here.

How old is he and has he been married before?

I dont keep track on who is posting what, I dont look at anyone’s name, so not personal

The problem is the more I answer questions and drip feed the more people make conclusions or decide to discuss / input stuff that is not relevant such as:

‘you have an odd relationship’

So what? Is your world (not yours, the poster) that small?

Well—you are asking strangers, with their iwn experience of human nature, to analyze this single incident in your relationship so obviously it matters if it is odd/not normal.

I don’t think the relationship is odd but I think you are a bit intense and are experiencing an inner conflict over it which is probably not warranted from his end. I suspect this move, for him, doesn’t signal anything different. For some reason you are displacing massive anger at him from its real cause (which you seem to ot to get able to access or acknowledge) onto his rather simple decision not to hand carry or box your emergency stuff.

Again—though you only seem to be giving people’s pists the most cursiry readings—I would have done the same as he if I were moving. Frankly, its a courtesy to return your things to you and let you select the location in his new place.

As for your arrangements with respect to sex, fun, whatever that is your business. But I see no reason given what you have said to find fault with him whether he secretly doesn’t like your little bag there ir not. If you aren’t satisfied with him or the relationship you should end it. But using the vague as the acid test is just absurd. It doesn’t infalliblely nean what you are angrily asserting it does—given the unusual and one sided nature if your relationship. But you do you. Break up with the man after fighting over tampin placement. Absolutely! Your prerogative.

I’m exhausted and done with this thread.
I hope you find some solution and peace.

No, my world is not ‘that small’. I’m sorry but in my opinion your relationship does sound odd and your fixation on the bag may be percieved by some as being very odd.

Just a non contribution then

This. Goodbye OP

Except the end of the relationship is also about the way he communicates on top of me not be allowed to leave my sanitary products

If my theory is correct

Honestly, I think it's fine. Maybe it's just me, but I'm personally very clumsy and lose things all the time - I wouldn't want to be responsible for moving my partner's 'essential' bag, as I would worry that I'd annoy them when it inevitably got lost in the piles of boxes. I think it makes more sense for you to take the bag home and then leave it at his house again next time you go there, to make sure it gets there in one piece!

I think that you are overthinking massively OP. It'll be much easier to see how the land lies once he's actually moved....that's if you actually want to continue the relationship of course. It's not clear either way.

Oh for goodness sake !

it appears you are travelling on public transport for your dates / day trips with additional clothing and toiletries etc. so you can stay over - would it really hurt to shove some tampons in the bag you have with you ?!!!

you admit you are already carrying a toothbrush and toothpaste and I am sure you do not wear yesterdays knickers the next day nor the same clothes.

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill !

and if you speak to him / treat him as you reply to us on this thread it's just as well neither of you want more out of this ' relationship '

and btw this ' relationship ' is a fwb as neither of you want a future with each other.

He hasn’t actually said that though has he??

He’s given you the bag for safekeeping while he moved, he hasn’t done or said anything that would clearly indicate he does not want you to take it back?

He makes sure you have all your belongings before you leave - because you don’t leave anything there yourself?

Is it really that hard to ask him if it’s okay to bring your bag of sanpro back with you and judge by his reaction? Most blokes in my experience would shrug and wonder why you’re making such a fuss!

I will say the following now to show why I feel miffed about his communication:

I like pizza. He likes pizza.
I heard of this place where you can go and sample as many types of pizza you want. You book a table, sit down and they will bring you slices of different pizzas rather than a whole pizza.
It is on Thursdays only.
One day I asked him if he wanted to go that week.
He said no because ‘that Thursday was a Thursdsy before a Friday, before the weekend before Monday bank holiday, therefore public transport would be too busy as everyond would be trying to leave the city’

Well, he lives in central London near one very busy station and he travels rush hour. And the place is 20 minutes from his house but 1h20m from mine…

and

I didn’t think public transport on a Thursday (evening) before the Friday before the weekend before Monday bank holiday would be any worse than usual.

But ok.
I went with a friend instead. Travel was normal.

Then next time I saw him I told him how the pizzas were delicious and how travel was ok.

He said he was glad I went with somebody else and enjoyed because ‘he only eat pizza in Italy or a selected few Italian places outside Italy and he thought he would not enjoy the pizza from that place’

Fair enough. To each their own. I’m a lot more easygoing about pizza.
But my problem was: why not say ‘thanks for inviting me but I don’t want to go’ rather than creating a whole excuse about bank holiday and crowded travelling?

And he came up with the excuse quite quick too which shows to me it is a habit.

And that is why when he gave me the bag back I find it hard to take at face value.

We never had a fight so I’m sure his conflict avoidance or whatever it is comes before me.

Or those reasons are genuinely how he feels.

Good god, the more you post, the more insufferable you come across. I don't blame him for wanting to keep you at arms length if that's what he's doing (which I don't actually think he is doing, you're just being ridiculously OTT). If this overthinking and anxiety is a constant theme in your life you should consider seeking professional help.

Anyway, like PPs, I'm out as well.

No because during other bank holiday weekends he never mentioned concern about public transport being crowded and it never stopped us doing activities but on this particular one suddenly it was a problem and what a coincidence: the place I invited him is not on his list of selected few.

Also you probably don’t live in London because the excuse about a crowded teavel on a Thursday before a Friday before a weekend before Monday bank holiday is BS.

So instead of you suggesting the two of you went the following Thursday - therefore avoiding his traffic issue, you chose to go with a friend instead.

OP., if I didn't know you had teenage children I'd assume I was reading the problem page in a teenage magazine, there's so much angst and second guessing and over analysing here.

He never sugested another Thursdsy himself and I had that feeling it was his way of saying no since his reasons (excuses) fell off since
1- he travels rush hour all the time
2- the Thursday before Friday, before weekend bank holiday Monday been to crowded is BS. And it has never stopped him before.

@doddlerrs do you even like him?

The pizza thing now makes me think he is one of those very rigid single men who want to have their home and life exactly as they prefer it, and simply won't entertain any other ideas, so they nicely brush those ideas off each time with bullshit reasons.

How good is he at compromising generally OP? Does he resist going to see films you want to see but he doesn't, that sort of thing?

I couldn’t be arsed with a relationship that involved so much second guessing tbh

It sounds like you're looking for reasons to end the relationship. When you get to that point I'd say it's high time you did.

From the pizza example you've given, you will ALWAYS be second guessing his motives on anything, no matter how innocuous. Yes it sounds like he didn't want to go to the pizza place you suggested and gave you a crap excuse but you're already asserting (to us at least) that this type of shit won't fly with you.

So don't make it about the bag. Make about it what it is. The incompatibility in your communication styles and put the final nail in this coffin. One of you should.