Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I’m trying a different tact tomorrow and going speed dating.

I’ve been a few times over the last 10 years or so but never really connected with anyone.

for anyone that has been, what tips would you give? What questions would you like to Beb asked and what would grab your attention?

The fact that he is down on his job doesn’t sound good to me.

How do you feel about your job?

I used to date someone that was really negative about everything. After a while my own mindset was affected. Remember that you do become like the people that you’re closest to, so if they’re energy vampires….

Alternatively, could be a sign of low self esteem if they don’t respect their job, which can also become an issue.

But maybe just meet in person if you’re interested enough and see how he really is.

Many thanks for your advice all. I will put an end to my ‘morose pen pal’! By his dating history, I shouldn’t have thought that he will be single for long. Having two relationships since losing his wife a couple of years ago, was a red flag as well.

Can I join? I've recently become single after a longer and then a shorter relationship. I'm in my 50s and fairly senior professionally, plus not at all feminine (would struggle with all the hair and prep for dates, tbh, am more of a dungarees and docs kind of person).

I'm looking for some fun/fwb only with someone probably younger as I've had dire experiences with the last two 50s men (especially in the bedroom, plus they were getting doddery, and old before their time).

I've started Hinge yesterday but not getting much interest, probably because I don't photograph well and all my pictures are of me in a full face helmet while riding a mountain bike.

I've not been on the apps since 2009, when I had 2 dates and met my partner then, and I suspect times have changed and I have changed.

Hi @Beesd

I'm told that Hinge is popular with the young uns but not sure if that is just in my area. I have most luck on Tinder.

I'm sorry to hear you've had dire experiences with 50's men. I am late 40s and am attracted to older men up to about mid-50s but have found that some/many of them seem to have quite sexist and/or entitled attitudes. The last one seemed to have a case of the Benny Hills and thought that a woman having her bum smacked at work by a patient was "quite funny." Sadly, I'm not attracted to younger men so ignore the 20 somethings who sometimes like me on Hinge.

I hope your luck changes.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sleeping with a Trump supporter. 😱😵

Mr Rave let it slip that he supports Trump. Well, not so much let it slip as just told me. When I didn’t have anything to say, he followed it with “but I’m not really that political”.

I’m gutted, he’s so sweet and innocent! It was a very "I really know nothing about this country" moment for me.

I think we’re both just never going to bring it up again.

Oh, the sex was so good this time. ☺️

@Crushed23 you had better get tested for MAGA-itis quick!

@Crushed23 thank god he's just a fwb and not a long term prospect otherwise that would have been so disappointing! Glad the sex has picked up 😀

@Beesd I think you'd have success with photos where you can see your face and there should be one body shot in there too. Have you got anyone who can take some nice pics of you?

It's still disappointing! He's lost all his sweetness and innocence for me now, and I have this weird feeling that I might be being groomed? 😂 Like, what else am I being misled on?!

Our next date is next Friday when I'll be staying over at his house as his parents are away. I wonder what else I'll find out about him.

Thanks for the tip, I will ask friend to take some pictures. I wonder if anyone has used a professional photographer for their pictures? I usually avoid having my pictures taken as I am very unphotogenic (?).

I am really always on a bike, in every picture!

@Crushed23 people can surprise us! It will be interesting to see what else you find out about him. Maybe just try to focus on the qualities of his that you like?

@Beesd I wouldn't bother with professional photos, just get a friend with a reasonably good camera phone and you'll be fine 😊

This dating lark is an emotional roller coaster!
I keep getting friend zoned by the dates that I really like, and the ones that I am not keen on seem super keen on me!

Reading this thread, I think that I am too enthusiastic with the ones that I like and it puts them off. I need to play it cooler!

Yes, it's always the way. A good rule is don't message first and the whole 'attract, don't chase' thing.

I also have to remind myself that good men I'm compatible with are out there, so I don't cling onto a decent but wholly incompatible man. Basically, we need to have an abundance mindset. 😊

Too enthusiastic how? Like, coming onto them heavy baring your decoltage, or being too enthusiastic replying to messages and arranging things?

You can join me in the friendzone 😂 The place where a double figure of men are blowing up your phone daily and dinner invites and shoulders to cry on are abundant but none of them try to kiss you.

@Dauntedbydating I'm the same, the guy I mentioned who went quiet on me ended up saying that he was getting more of a friend vibe from me. The others I've gone on dates with have been keen on me but I didn't like them. Surely eventually we will find one where the feelings are reciprocated!

Chatting to a new potential guy now, I don't want to spend ages just chatting online so might end up asking him if he wants to meet up (I'd normally wait for them) as so far I've really discovered that I know if we will click pretty soon on a first date whereas you just can't tell with endless messaging

I'm skiing with friends and have injured my hand. Mr Rave offered to drive the 2.5 hour journey from his house to pick me up and take me to get it x-rayed then drop me back at the chalet, or drop me off home (4 hours away). He's very sweet, but I can't shake the feeling that the mask is going to slip at some point and he's going to ruin my life or something haha.

I didn't take him up on the offer, but we're texting all afternoon while I sit and have a beer by myself (hand is bandaged, can't get back on the slopes).

Oh I just can’t decipher this Trump-loving nice guy!! 😂 Sounds like you’ll have material for a book after this posting about dating American guys!

Hope your injury is not too bad x

@ElleintheWoods Me neither! But the more I get to know him the more I can kind of understand it. This evening we've been texting and he's been telling me about his truck and all the tinkering he's done to it so he can take it to car shows. I haven't owned a car in 10 years. We're so, so different, but the novelty is kind of an aphrodisiac?

How's it going with Mr WorkCrush? I imagine him to be similar to Mr Rave in many ways!

Fuck me! The entitlement of some people. 😡
A woman has suggested that I treat her to a dinner at the Fat Duck. Heston Blumental's 3 Michelin star restaurant......just googled the price!
"Menus at The Fat Duck are priced between £225 per person - £450 per person including VAT, for food only depending on the menu selected and booking day"
Up to £900 for the meal and drinks on top!

Show me who you are early!🙄

We are done with each other I believe 😊 Not done as in on bad terms but I think our paths won’t cross in the future.

Mr Rave sounds clingy and keen. I can see how the weird differences can be sexy and novel! Mr WorkCrush is sweet but like Hugh Grant in 4 Weddings, or Notting Hill, or anything else where he’s passive and useless, and then apologising for being passive and useless, and then doing it again 😂 And then making a desperate last minute effort when it’s too late.

Is it American guys vs British guys? 😇

Just be careful not to fall in love! Any alternatives?

Could it have been a joke…?

Or do you position yourself as a sugar daddy?

Otherwise… wtf?!

I went on my last date for my birthday in November ..
I looked fab , tan , nails , hair , 😂..
I met him a good few times b4 , but he worked away , so it wasn’t going to work so called it a day .. .. He contacted me months later when he was around again & would be for a while ..
Anyway ,he booked a lovely hotel & dinner ..
long story short , I drank a bottle of wine ( I rarely drink tbh) ..
Never ate anything that day so I wouldn’t be bloated in my skirt …
Fell asleep , politely putting it , more like passed out !!! ffs 😂
Couldn’t wake me , no dinner , nothing..
Woke up at 4am , getting sick 🤢..
Never heard from him again ..
The End 😂

Err no!!
She's 54.....so I suspect she is not the typical sugar daddy demographic.