Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I did ask if he had changed his height on his profile and he said not. Maybe I was confused. He claims he is 5ft8. That is the same height as me which is ok but he looks very lean in build so I'm worried I'll feel huge around him. We are still chatting and he is keen to meet. I'm off sick at the moment so can't commit to any dates.

I love laughter lines too

@MyCatisCalledDream ah ok well maybe wait and see. Hope you feel better soon!

Date 7 with Tradie tonight...wish me luck!

Best of luck! 7 dates is impressive in the world of OLD.

My friend sent me a link to one of her Tinder rejects so am chatting to him now too. He is very conveniently local and there is a lot to be said for convenience 😅.

@MyCatisCalledDream thank you! I keep waiting for him to cancel, such is my experience with OLD 😅 I had 2 cancelled dates with other guys at the weekend.

There is a lot to be said for convenience! I generally swipe right on guys who live in my town when I wouldn't ordinarily because organising and attending a date will be easy. See if you can get something in the diary!

@oldernotwiserffs it's hard isn't it. He sounds keen though. My friend had 3 dates cancel at the weekend.

I myself cancelled a date on Friday for very genuine reasons and offered to reschedule but then got dumped! Annoyingly, it was the man I mentioned upthread that I had several reservations about. I foolishly decided to give him one last chance after he went on about the connection he felt.... and he has the audacity to call it off! 😅. Even worse, he asked if I wanted to meet up to discuss it all. Err, no thanks, I met you twice and you were weird. Lesson learned! I won't ignore red flags in future.

@MyCatisCalledDream it's awful! I gave one of the guys who cancelled a second chance but then he was very passive aggressive in his messages so I binned him. What is wrong with these men??? Good for you for binning your guy off.

I hope Tradie is keen. He is quite cautious and although we slept together on the first date he only started being openly flirty with me on date 6. I suppose time will tell.

@oldernotwiserffs 7th date is fantastic! Honestly the only time I've reached 7th date is when I've got into a full blown, serious relationship, so I'm going with Mr Tradie 100% likes you and wants to commit. Do you think you want the same thing? Is he your person? 🥰

@ElleintheWoods Mr Rave is white American with immigrant parents, so it could be cultural, though I don't know too much about his parents' culture. The fact you've had this kind of treatment from a FWB makes me think I should just enjoy it and not overthink it.

Today I have a consultation with a relationship therapist! I'm so pleased with myself that I booked it. Feels like a step in the right direction 😊 I hope we click and I can go ahead and book a first session with her.

I've found a single female friend here and it's so great. 🥰 I still message my single bestie in London every day, but it's nice to have someone you can go for drinks and dissect your respective dates with. We went to a wine bar last night and my face hurts this morning from how much we laughed about our dating disasters. 😁

She's a bit younger (29) but oh so wise! A reminder of how goddamn immature I am when it comes to dating - something I hope to work through with the therapist.

I also really love this thread. Support from other single women makes navigating the world of dating so much easier. 💜

@Crushed23 ahh thank you! I really like him and I hope it does become a relationship. He takes things slowly though so I won't push anything just yet but at the 3 month mark I think I'll have 'the conversation'.

Defo don't overthink Mr Rave, enjoy the attention! I'm excited for your meeting with the relationship therapist - let us know how it goes 🙂

So great that you have found a single friend. I have no single friends so this thread is an absolute lifeline!

I am fairly new to my area and recently found a single friend. We have definitely bonded over our dating shenanigans and she is a great source of support. Only issue is that the local dating pool is more of a rock pool so we have often been chatting to or even dated the same men!

I have used bumble for friends (bff) for making new local female friends, it's worked for me, but does take bit of time, similar to dating apps chatting & meets! If you try it, I recommend downloading it as a separate app, not part of Bumble, so you can keep dating and friends separate (for example if you want to reset bumble dating).

Can I join in? Nice to be able to chat with other people in similar situations. Dating is so hard these days, had 3 dates with someone from online dating, I felt the third date went well. But previously he'd been messaging every day and now suddenly nothing for 2 days but did say he wanted to meet again when I asked. I'm just going to wait and see, I wouldn't necessarily expect daily messages at this early stage but seems strange, he kissed me on the date 🤷‍♀️

|@MyCatisCalledDream haha love that you can compare notes with your single friend!

@Day99 I have met two friends from bumble BFF but both have partners. It's hard to find single women my age (34).

@justanotherboymum welcome! In your shoes I'd probably message him - what have you got to lose? Who sent the last message and was there something to reply to?

Maybe I should look at bumble bff, I'd love some other single female friends, all my friends are married with kids.

So after our last date I messaged, he did a quick reply (nothing to respond to). So I then suggested meeting on the weekend to which he said yes definitely. Nothing since. So as I messaged first the last 2 times I'm not going to again! I've been out of the dating game for so long that I don't know what's normal anymore! I actually had deleted the app (not because of him, just because I felt like I needed a break) so might rejoin tomorrow although find it quite draining and depressing haha!

@justanotherboymum oh I see. Maybe he will get in touch nearer the weekend to arrange something but yes, definitely keep your options open. The apps are draining and depressing for sure - I feel your pain on that! Lots of people advocate for multi-dating so you don't get too hung up on one guy but I literally can't find more than one guy I'm interested in dating lol

@justanotherboymum I recommend the FB group Burned Haystack Dating Method for some great guidelines on how to navigate messaging and dating. I see the group recommended quite a lot here. Definitely keep your options open and don't accept low-effort behaviour.

Evening all,

What do you do if you meet someone online who seems nice but, is a bit boring? We have chatted for 3 weeks and met up once.

He messages me everyday about how boring his job is, issues with government departments and his root canal work. He seems like a nice enough bloke and I really don’t want to be rude… what do I do? We are supposed to be meeting up on Saturday.

I do feel for him as he lost his wife 2 years ago and has had 2 relationships since. One lasted 6 months and the other 11 months.

Any advice gratefully received 🙏🏻

@justanotherboymum If it's "technically" your turn, might be worth sending a text, but I'd leave next time so that last message is from you, and see if he initiates then. If you're meant to meet on the weekend, you don't want to leave it last minute.

I know I should multi-date but it's not my style but maybe that's where I'm going wrong! Also difficult as I swipe right on so few men 🤣 I want someone with kids and doesn't want any more kids and that rules out the majority of men in late 30s/early 40s it seems!

Just looked up the burned haystack method, interesting!

It's hard to know what is counted as 'low effort', would other people expect daily messages after 3 dates? I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, I guess it's just because it's a change of energy from previous daily messages.

@mollymolloy are you excited about seeing him again, and talking to him, spending time with him? Does he make you feel special?

If not, dating shouldn't be a chore IMHO

@Mollymolloy it should be fun and exciting to begin with, he shouldn't be boring you already so I'd give this one a miss. If he's boring now how boring will he be in 2 years time!

@Mollymolloy

TBH the fact he was only widowed 2 years ago and already been in 2 relationships totally almost 18 months would be a red flag for me anyway that he can’t be single for 5 minutes

@Mollymolloy was he also dull in person? Him being nice is not enough. I agree that he seems to have rushed in to relationships very quickly. If you're not feeling it, let him go. It's actually a kindness to him as you're setting him free to find someone who will enjoy his mundane chat!

@justanotherboymum yes the change in messaging energy would bother me. I would match his energy and see how he behaves around arranging dates.