Dating Thread 51 - 2025. New year, new start

[TwistedWonder]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yup, never wear heels anymore. I love that chunky boots are 'in'. They're my go-to on dates. I've also embraced my petiteness in recent years and don't mind being a lot shorter than the guy (quite like it actually).

@ElleintheWoods I definitely make more of an effort for dates than normal life but I wonder if this is sensible. Wearing nice clothes and having my hair and make up on point on dates makes me feel more confident but if the relationship progresses the guy will see me with my normal hair and no make up and get a shock! I was a bit worried about it when Tradie stayed over on Friday, he didn't seem to mind/notice but perhaps being more 'real' on dates wouldn't be bad thing. I think it's great that you do your hair and make up etc just for you, that's something I need to embrace as when it's just me and I've got nothing to do I have minimal make up and comfy clothes, perhaps because I don't feel it's 'worth it' to get dressed and made up just for me? Food for thought!

I think the time of day makes a difference as well. I’d still look very presentable for an afternoon coffee or drink but less glammed up than for an evening date.

The chat has moved from Tinder to WhatsApp with the hot surfer guy. We're not meeting for 2 weeks but he wants to 'spice up the chat'. I see no point of this before we've even met and established there's in-person chemistry. Plus I can't be bothered with any of it anyway. I think I'll let the conversation die.

@Crushed23 Would you FaceTime if it’s going to be two weeks, rather than let the chat die? I have saved myself time and effort on a few occasions doing this.

That’s not to do any naughty, btw!

@LittleFloatingGhost I never FaceTime, or even speak on the phone, before meeting someone. In fact, I don't even do this while dating. I would occasionally call/facetime boyfriends if we were apart for a while. I'm definitely more of a texter. I think it's to do with liking peace and quiet in my own space, for example I don't have a TV in my apartment and people always wonder how I can stand the silence!

How's dating life going for you @LittleFloatingGhost ? Anything on the horizon?

@Crushed23 oh can we be roomies? 😆 I’m the same.

And one of my biggest red flags is a man that gets home and puts the tv on immediately for background noise. I so can’t stand it!

If I have tv or music on it’s because I’m actually paying attention it.

That sounds lovely!

I had a date last Friday but he has a complicated divorce and childcare situation. Met on Feeld for a potential FWB but I don’t want to get involved in anything complicated.

Supposed to meet someone next week but when talking about his living situation he had moved back in with his parents! So, I need to cancel. I came off the apps the other week and wanted to see how things would go with the guys I was speaking to.

I really, really wanted to get the feels from my second date with a guy last Tuesday who I had met on Bumble. I really liked his chat, he made me laugh but I just didn’t want to kiss him at all! Genuinely gutted.

Think I’ll take Feb off, it’s a milestone birthday for me and a lot planned. Will how I feel in March.

Ooh LittleFloatingGhost Can we ask which Birthday? Taking a month off sounds like a good idea.

I swiped Right on somebody who I'm genuinely exited about on Bumble earlier, now I'm just stalking Bumble hoping that he will swipe back! It's much easier when I'm not really bothered either way.

ElleintheWoods I hate that too! I used to date somebody who had to have the TV playing when he went to sleep, he was that used to it. It nearly drove me to insanity!

I swiped Right on somebody who I'm genuinely exited about on Bumble earlier, now I'm just stalking Bumble hoping that he will swipe back! It's much easier when I'm not really bothered either way.

Tell us more 👀 @NervesOfCotton

Crushed23 I will do if I hear from him,
But I'll just say this, he has a lot of laughter lines & I love those on a man

@NervesOfCotton oh me too! Exciting, let us know if you hear!

@MyCatisCalledDream what happened with your 5'8/9 guy?

I’ll be 40!

I love that you’re excited! Sending positive thoughts!

I don't dress up for the first date at all, but I only had about 5 first dates after joining OLD and they were all in the day and some were walking dates 😄(I live in an AONB so it is very common to go for a walk as a couple activity).

I didn't want to look like I was trying to impress a guy but it might have been because none of them made me swoon in anticipation.
I felt like they should be happy with what they were getting anyway. But it's not like I wear tracksuits round town, I look relatively well put together out and about, and was expecting guys to look nice too. Scruffy is a turn off as has been discussed on these threads before.

LittleFloatingGhost My Bumble is messing with me, it just froze for about Ten minutes just to torment me

Anyway, Naughty Forty for you, woo-hoo

I’ve never heard of “naughty forty” before, but I like it!

LittleFloatingGhost This is you

I feel like my 'let's keep things casual' chat with Mr Rave may have fallen on deaf ears. 😕

He keeps sending me sweet messages like I'm his girlfriend. This morning it was a song he's listening to which reminds him of me. He also wants to buy me a kitchen gadget because the one I brought over from the UK doesn't work in the US. I mentioned it in passing because I thought he might know how to fix it (he's an engineer), I wasn't expecting him to buy me a new one??

Sweet messages and kitting out my kitchen is not quite what I had in mind when I went in pursuit of a FWB. Where am I going wrong? 😅

Crushed23 Difficult one! I've never done FWB so I don't know... I might be alright with the kitchen gadget (as long as it's not really expensive) But you probably need to tell him (again) that it's a bit much? Maybe spell it out 'The text messages & buying me things are too much' so he can't misinterpret it or anything!

@Crushed23 I mean you've been clear with him which means you're not leading him on so I'd say enjoy it!

My last FWB lasted all of 2 dates, so this is my first proper FWB. No idea how to navigate things. Need to pull back and space out the dates a bit more, I think. Unfortunately I am committed to the next 2 (this Thursday and next weekend), but after that we'll have a timeout.

Oh god, that old situation eh…

I attempted FWB once… It was very clear to both what it was… He however progressed quickly to messaging all the time, doing things for me, dates etc… to be fair it was a pretty ideal FWB as I also got things like groceries bought/ meals cooked/ taps fixed!

However he did not do very well with me pulling back and then admitted feelings.

Why don’t you try pull back and see how that goes down? Does he start chasing you like crazy or does that make him calm down a bit?

Maybe besides the point but what’s his culture/ origin? Eg with a Latino/ Italian guy I’d class it as normal FWB behaviour 😂

To be fair my actual no-benefits male friends might do things like buying me little bits and daily check-ins so it’s not completely crazy… Might be normal for some men! Perhaps we’re just too British, cold and cynical 😇