I’ve fucked everything up

[OHara1991]

I’ve been with him for almost 16 years, married seven. We have two small children and a wonderful life.

I was getting really down about my weight after the summer and secretly arranged to start ozempic. I hid it because I knew it would be a flat no from him and I wanted to do it any way (which is obviously very selfish of me), I’ve never hid anything before. I did it for around three months, then when he asked me about it one day (if I was taking it) I lied to his face and said I’d only tried it once. Right then I stoped and felt truly terrible, but hoped we would would just move past it, I promised myself to never be such a twat ever again. I don’t know why I lied but after I did I felt I couldn’t go back as it would only be worse, and I essentially ended up fucking gas lighting him. Which makes me a truly terrible person, and I’m shocked I was even capable
of it.

Any way, he found out today, saw it all on my online banking. He is (rightly) distraught, I feel like I’ve sleep walked into fucking up his life, our kids lives and my life.

I don’t really know why I’m posting, will we ever be able to recover from this? I haven’t been able to stop crying I just can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous he thought he was allowed to have a ‘flat no’ for YOU starting medication for YOUR body.
No, you shouldn’t have lied but I’d bet my house there are many more serious controlling behaviours he displays.

I think it sounds like a massive overreaction on his part but perhaps he just upset about you lying rather than you taking it? It is your body though and your choice so don't beat yourself up about it.

Sorry you are upset op but don't quite understand what am I reading?

Why do you need permission or your dh's blessing in the first place?

Why would it have been a flat no from him? Was it the money? Are you earning?

You were wrong to lie but there must be something seriously wrong with the power dynamic of your marriage if you were afraid to tell your DH in the first place and he is now very distraught about this discovery.

Is he worried about your health or is he cross about the money?

How did he react op? Can you explain a little more?

He's not your dad OP. If you want to do weight loss injections that's your decision.

Why was he looking through your bank statements?

He sounds like a controlling twat. It's up to you what you do, OP. You talking a weight loss drug isn't going to affect him or your DC in any negative way, so fuck him if he has any issues with it.

He’s not distraught about the ozempic, it’s about the fact I lied to him. He says he doesn’t care about that aspect of it, although it would have caused a huge thing if I’d have been honest from the start and it would have been a flat no I know it would have. I paid for three months of it out of my own money, I work full time.

For complete transparency I was borderline needing it. I was on the higher scale of overweight but not obese. So I think there’s that too

He is controlling, he is "distraught" ? How extreme, and childish.

Who the fuck does he think he is with his ‘flat no’? It’s your body, your health, your money and your choice. He sounds controlling and I can totally understand why you didn’t tell him. Fgs calm down. ‘Distraught’! How ridiculous. You’ve not harmed anyone.

"I hid it because I knew it would be a flat no from him and I wanted to do it any way"
all the fucks you gave right there then.
Dont like "caught" you made the choices/called the shots.
Down about your weight?...why? whats BMI?
Whoos £ did yu use?

What does a "huge thing" look like? What do you mean?

You paid out of your money, it's your body. You are an adult, you shouldn't even have to ask him. You've lied, not a big lie though is it? You've not harmed anyone, you've done something for you that could have positive effects on your health, and your confidence.

Why is he looking at your online banking? Is that a shared account? If not, then he's bang out of order and possibly financially abusive

You say you would have got 'a no' if you had discussed it with him. You can afford it (it us expensive) so why the no?

It’s the lying he’s so upset with. Which to be fair I think is valid. Not only did I hide it all and sneak around to begin with but I then outright lied to his face. I don’t think he’ll ever be able trust me again.

It’s also thrown up things from the past, like he came out tonight and asked I cheated on him when we’re teenagers when I went back packing on my own…wtf?! (I have never), but now say he doesn’t believe me and I guess I don’t really have a leg to stand on.

You did nothing wrong OP, please don’t get yourself down about this. It is your husband who should feel such contempt for his own actions towards you.

It was my own personal bank account, it’s not
weird for us to pick up the others phone to check something though. I was in a meeting upstairs and he needed to check an amount for something. Other than this we’ve got a really open and (ironically) honest relationship I wouldn’t think twice about him checking something on my phone, he wouldn’t with me either.

He is the gaslighted here, he's worried about your confidence growing and other men taking an interest in you, that's the distressing bit for him.

So what, you've lied, I'm more worried for you that you had to hide something so basic from him, what does that tell you about your views and expectations of him? Is it because he's a big baby and an over reactor?

It is not valid to feel this much guilt and devastation over something so little, it is valid to keep something from someone if you know they will discourage, refuse to support or even gas light you if you want to improve yourself or your life.

The “no” would be because he dislikes
all drugs, against buying drugs off the internet from online pharmacies and doesn't think I need it.

He is the gaslighter..not gaslighted

Tho is mad! You - like thousands of other people - opted for a medication to help you feel better and be healthier. You know he’s unreasonable and controlling so didn’t tell him. Now he’s giving you shit about when you were TEENAGERS? He sounds manipulative, hysterical and a bully. Stop with this ‘I don’t have a leg to stand on’ stuff. Tell him that he’s being ridiculous and this kind of irrational, unpleasant overreaction is exactly why you didn’t tell him about the medication in the first place. You are entitled to privacy OP, especially about medical issues.

Look at the boards on here, look at the hundreds of people taking these so called drugs. So many people are taking this and feeling so much better about themselves, I can't comment too much on the injections because I don't know enough about it, but you are not doing anything criminal

if he ‘dislikes all drugs’ he’s an idiot. But he’s free to not take paracetamol or statins or chemotherapy if that’s his decision. What he’s not entitled to do is make you abide by his stupid rules. You are an adult and entitled to make your own decisions

seriously?
its the deceit thats the issue. the absolute intent comes close second. she skipped pages,got caught out,lied that time for sure..and let him find evidence that she had.
where did you pulll "worried bout confidence growing"?? nothing op suggests he feeds her pies to devalue her shelf appeal. Not hes a jealous abuser control freak.she could have opted to announce plan,knowing would disapprove. but didnt.
@onceuponatimelived .She did.she was decietful.repeatedly\increasingly.how is that ok.
@OHara1991

yu have to take ALL the accountability for this... that doesnt mean he waould be right saying n/but the fight you have now is harder than the honest route(im NOT asking you\am tell you im doing it).

I agree it’s the deceit that’s the issue. I didn’t intentionally leave evidence on purpose or anything, despite what my husband now thinks I’m not used to being so deceitful.

I am 100% taking all accountability in this. Im
just worried he won’t be able to forgive me.

I think encouraging people to buy drugs off the internet to “improve their life” is a dangerous road to go down and IMO it’s going to all end in tears.

OP isn’t obese by her own admission. She doesn’t need medication to lose weight, and as such there is very little evidence that these drugs have a longer term success rate - any more so than all the other latest and greatest fads that have been out there, Cambridge/atkins diet/herballife etc.

I can totally understand why someone who is obese would consider buying these drugs. But we’re entering into dangerous territory when the solution to losing weight is to buy drugs off the internet. The long term side effects of these drugs are unknown, as are the long term success rates.

If the OP’s DH was buying viagra off the internet and lying to her about his newly found hardon would people say that was ok? I don’t think so.

Buying drugs off the internet is a supremely stupid thing to do anyway, and is putting your health at risk in ways which as yet are not understood.

So yeah. I’d be pissed off too.

Good grief @tolerable Nobody has mentioned anything about him feeding pies, we are trying to help @OHara1991 to understand his EXTREME OVEREACTION and to help her get some perspective, because right now it sounds like she is carrying the guilt and shame of someone who has done something really serious, when in fact, she's kept something from her husband, possibly because she has been afraid to be honest.

I can totally understand why someone who is obese would consider buying these drugs.

You have to prove that you are obese to get Wegovy et al. So OP must have been obese to start on them.

A Wegovy prescription from Boots is “buying drugs off the internet". Explain how that's any more risk than seeing your GP?